Of Lost Things
by The0Stars0Are0Shining0
Summary: She loves him. That was something he'd always been certain of. He's not certain anymore. He's not certain of anything anymore. They're all living a tangled web of lies and every day that passes he's more scared that he'll loose her forever. (L/P AU. T for now, may change to M later. Multi chapter)
1. Prologue

'Peyton-'

'You lied!' She screeches. 'I'll never forgive you!'

'Honey-'

'No! You've sent him down for something he hasn't done Keith!' She's trembling. Her eyes are glazed over and she blinks furiously. Her tears are unwelcome. She's come here to say what she has to say and she doesn't want to start crying, wants to concentrate on the rage.

'He made us promise sweetie' Karen intervenes, her voice the soothing drawl that it always is despite her daughter-in-law's uncharacteristic outburst.

'I don't fucking care! He's your son! Your son! And you've thrown him under the bus! My children have lost their father because of you!' Peyton startles then. Catches eye of the nine year old lurking in the doorway. 'Sawyer' She breathes out her daughter's name, cringes at the undeniable anxiety filling the child's blue eyes. She swallows thickly, wonders how much of her riled speech her daughter has heard. 'Lil do you think you can take Sawyer o-outside please?' She mutters to her sister-in-law. The loitering twenty one year old springs up from the kitchen table, only too happy to oblige and escape the tension between her parents and the fired up blonde before her. Peyton watches them disappear into the garden. Watches Lily naturally make a fuss of her niece but Sawyer's stare keeps fluttering back to the house. 'Fuck'

'She's alright' Karen hums.

'Her Mother's a royal screw up. What chance does she have of being alright?'

'You're not a fucking screw up' Peyton's head jerks away from the window then, Karen's cussing garnering her attention. 'Honey I know you're mad and devastated right now but you've been through so much. This was the right call-'

'They would've been more lenient with me! They would've. I had motive, I had-'

'You're pregnant. You need to be taking it easy. Your kids need you. You know why Luke asked Keith to do this. It breaks my heart, of course it does' Karen warily saddles up to the tense blonde. 'But I also know it was the best choice and we'll follow his wishes and do our utmost to keep you and his children safe. No matter what. You know that'

'It should be me'

'No it shouldn't' Keith gruffly disagrees. She shoots daggers at the man that she's looked up to her whole adult life. The man that has been the closest thing to a father figure since her own father's passing. But he's not that right now. He's the enemy. Her husband is in prison. Her whole world is falling apart and she needs someone to blame. 'I know you're angry' He acknowledges. 'But your children need you more than they need him right now'

'That's not true. Ollie can't bear to be in the same room as me. He's been staying here for three weeks now and I've not seen him once'

'You need to talk to him. He thinks you don't want him at home. He thinks you don't want anything to do with him'

'...I said unforgivable things' Peyton admits hoarsely.

'Sweetheart anything you said can be fixed. I'm sure some of what you said he needed to hear'

'I'm so worried about him'

'He's going to be ok. We'll all make sure of it'

A sob passes her lips then. She can't keep it at bay any longer. 'I can't d-do this with-witho-out L-Luke'

'He's going to be back beside you in no time. He is baby, you have to trust in that. Brooke is getting him the best lawyer. He's going to have the very best'

Her tears spill down her cheeks. 'It's a-all my fault'

Keith gives up trying to keep a healthy distance from her then. 'Don't you dare say that' He pulls her into his arms. She fights to get free but he holds steady. 'None of it's your fault kid. None of it' She tires then, her tense limbs relent, because his words remind her of her husband. Keith Scott has taught her husband to be the man he is today and she can't hate him, as much as she wants to right now, she can't. She'll forever be grateful to him. Her fingers grapple onto his shirt as she cries into his shoulder.

'You're not by yourself in this anymore honey' Karen hums. 'You've been carrying this all on your shoulders for too long- let us take care of everything now' Her hand soothes over her daughter-in-law's head and for a moment Peyton thinks she should feel embarrassed because she feels like a small child, not the thirty four year old she is but she can't find it in her to care. She needs this. She needs them. 'We love you Peyton. It's going to be okay'


	2. Chapter one

**A/N** Hi all, this is my first fic on here. It might feel a bit chaotic to beginning as I'm working most chapters split with flashback and present time but things will become clear quite quickly as chapters progress! Flashbacks are in italics, Present time in non italics.

Chapter One.

 _'Can I go now?'_

 _'Is dinner so terrible?' Lucas sighs as he regards the impatient child._

 _'No. Your Mexican is always the best Daddy' She puts her hand over her mouth and continues in a whisper. 'Especially when Mummy doesn't help'_

 _'Hey you! I heard that!' Peyton complains._

 _'Just joking Mummy'_

 _'It's a good job you're so cute. What's with the hurry to escape us monster?'_

 _'I've just only got 3 days left to say goodbye to my room'_

 _Both her parents look at her sympathetically. 'Aw baby you're gonna love the new house once we're there. Really you are'_

 _'I know' She nods. 'But I grew up in this one'_

 _'I know' Peyton nods. 'We're going to be sad too but it's also exciting right? We'll be living near Nana and Grandad. You love it in Tree Hill'_

 _'Uhuh'_

 _'And you'll make loads more friends and we can still come visit your friends here'_

 _'I know. I'm okay Mummy. I just wanna go to my room for a while'_

 _'Okay'_

 _She jumps up from the table._

 _'We love you monkey' Lucas pulls her to him before she escapes and plants a kiss on her head._

 _'Daddy'_

 _'Sorry, sorry' He sets her free. 'Here' He rifles inside his pocket and produces a pen. 'Go find hiding places to write your name so the next people know it was your house first' He wriggles his eyebrows._

 _'Really? Anywhere?'_

 _'Yup'_

 _'Cool' She smiles and races out of the kitchen._

 _'When we've gotta repaint the new house after a week of being there because our kid has taken to being a graffiti artist I'll invoice you'_

 _'I thought you'd be into drawing on the wall' He takes a sip of his wine. She doesn't answer and he knows she wasn't listening. Knows by the vacant look in her eye that she's lost in thought about their daughter._ _'She'll be alright Peyt' He shifts in his chair, reaches out and rubs her knee._

 _'We're doing the right thing right?'_

 _'It's not like it was a brash decision. It was always the plan to go home eventually right?'_

 _'Right' She agrees. 'I'm just worried about how this is gonna effect them'_

 _'I know. They'll adjust Peyt. Ollie will come round and how could anyone not like that little girl?'_

 _'She is cute'_

 _'The cutest' He agrees. 'We made that you know' He nudges her side._

 _'We did good huh?'_

 _'You did good. I think she's got 80% your genes and 20% mine. She lucked out there'_

 _'What's the 20% you?'_

 _'Her love of books' He tells her like it's the most obvious thing in the world._

 _'I love books' He squints at her. 'I do!'_

 _'When was the last time you read anything?'_

 _'Yesterday'_

 _'Sneakily reading stuff I've got in the works doesn't count'_

 _'Why not?'_

 _'Because you have to love my stuff'_

 _'I do love your stuff' She grins._

 _'So not cool by the way. I told you, you have first dibs when it's done. It's not done yet'_

 _They've gotten off track. She ignores him. 'Fine I'll give you the books. What else?'_

 _'Why how kind of you. I've given you 80% and you're trying to take away the 20 I have?' He teases._

 _'They're both like you' She snorts. 'I think Sawyer even more so. Sure she looks like me but she's all you in personality and mannerisms. She does that squinty thing you do too which I find real disconcerting by the way'_

 _'Disconcerting'_

 _'When you do it, it's sexy as hell but when she does it, it grosses me out because I instantly see you. You're not meant to be reminded of things that turn you on about your husband in your kids' She rambles, pausing as she retrieves a left over nacho and stares at it determinedly._

 _Lucas laughs at her as she attempts to shove it in her mouth whole. 'You're insane you know that?'_

 _'You just need to stop squinting'_

 _'Me?! I came first. Tell the kid to stop it. I can't help it that everything I do is so damn irresistible to you' He smirks._

 _'I want another one'_

 _'Nacho? They're all yours' He slides the bowl closer to her._

 _'No' She rolls her eyes but helps herself to another just the same. He knowingly shifts the salsa over to her. 'A bay-be' She confesses with a mouthful._

 _He cocks his head to the side. Assumes he's misheard. 'A what?'_

 _'Sawyer's gonna be nine in a few weeks. She's nearly in double digits Luke and god Ollie isn't even gonna be living here before we know it' She babbles. 'I'm loosing them. Don't you want another?'_

 _'Baby?' He wants to clarify what she's asking of him._

 _She widens her eyes expectantly and nods. 'Yes. Baby' She confirms. 'What?'_

 _'Real funny' His confused expression morphs into a smile._

 _'Funny?' She's confused. 'I'm being serious Luke'_

 _Said smile is quick to dwindle._ _'But...what?'_

 _'But what' She repeats amusedly and throws a nacho at him. 'Ollie and Sawyer are the best'_

 _'The best' He confirms. 'We lucked out- another is bound to be a disaster'_

 _Her jaw stiffens. 'Why would you say that?'_

 _He blinks. Knows he's pissed her off. 'What?! You've taken me off guard here. I thought we were done with the whole kid thing'_

 _'We're still young Luke. We were only seventeen with Ollie. We didn't know what we were doing. Nobody thought we could do it. Nobody thought we'd last. But we did and we waited for Sawyer and everything we went through with her, I just didn't think about it for a while. I was content-'_

 _'And you're not now?'_

 _'No-yes of course I am, I just, I, another you and me. Sawyer would love it and Ollie would be the best'_

 _'I dunno Peyt' He rubs the back of his head._

 _'Why?' She glares at him._

 _'Because. I love our kids but as you just said we were seventeen when we had Ollie. We didn't have a fucking clue what we were doing and our lives were over just like that' He snaps his fingers. Her narrowed eyes intensify._

 _'Over' She grates._

 _He closes his eyes and shakes his head. 'Not over. I didn't mean that the way it sounded. You know the kids and you are my world. You know I wouldn't change anything. None of it. But I, I was actually looking forward to just getting you to myself you know?' He blurts. 'We could do all the stuff we never got to do. We could go travelling. Another kid? That's another 18 year contract Peyt'_

 _'Is that how you see them? You don't shove them out the door as soon as they turn 18 Luke!'_

 _'No, of course not but we don't have to know where they are every hour of the day once they're 18. We have a freedom that we've not hand since we were kids'_

 _'I never want to be free of them'_

 _'I just want to do things with you' He strokes her face. 'I want to take you places and be stupid with you and we could do all that-'_

 _'We can still do all that. Another child doesn't have to stop us from living'_

 _'I nearly lost you Peyton' His voice becomes hoarse as it always does when he refers to their daughter's birth. 'I couldn't survive going through that again' He abruptly stands up. 'I'm sorry but the answers no'_

 _'No' She repeats. 'Just like that' She jumps up and follows him around the table as he collects their plates. 'You won't even discuss it?'_

 _'We just did'_

 _'No we didn't. You're not even thinking about it'_

 _'I'm thinking about you laying unconscious in a hospital bed. I'm thinking about those few days when I thought I was going to be bringing up a seven year old and a newborn baby by myself Peyton. I couldn't do it. I needed you and they sure as hell needed you'_

 _'And they got me! You didn't loose me! I'm still here aren't I?'_

 _'And I'd like to keep it that way' He pushes the plates into the sink._

 _'You're not going to loose me. You'll never loose me. Baby stop' She shuffles in between him and the sink._

 _'The Doctors said that if we had another baby there was every chance you could develop the same condition'_

 _She nods. 'And they said there's every chance I wouldn't too. But we know all that this time round. I'd be high risk but we'd deal with it'_

 _'Are you really not going to drop this?'_

 _She latches her hands around his neck. 'I'm just asking you to think about it. That's all'_

 _He sighs heavily._

 _'Besides, making babies can be kinda fun' She kinks her brow and kisses his chin._

 _He laughs with a shake of his head. 'Sweetheart, tempting me with sex isn't gonna work'_

 _She pouts. 'Why?! You love sex'_

 _'Uhuh. And so do you. Hence why it's not gonna work. I can have you whenever I want already'_

 _She huffs. 'Well maybe I'll start rationing you'_

 _'Like hell you will' He jerks her hips to him. 'You know you can't say no to me' His voice becomes that low drawl that has her legs turning to jelly. Still after all these years. He smirks as she involuntarily presses herself flat against him._

 _'Think about it?' She murmurs. 'That's all I'm asking'_

 _He closes his eyes and drops his forehead to hers. 'Fine. I'll think about it'_

 _She leaves a trail of open mouthed kisses across his lips then._

 _'Thinking about it does not equate to a yes Peyt' He mumbles._

 _'It'll do for now' She chimes, kissing him more forcefully this time, her tongue dipping into his mouth. He murmurs. Pulls her closer._

 _'Eurgh. You guys are gross'_

 _They disengage but make no effort to separate at the interruption._

 _'Your mother is most definitely not gross Ollie. Have you looked at her? She's hot' Lucas retorts, enjoying the way the boy that's just disturbed them cringes. 'So hot'_

 _'Oh my god. Shut up Dad. She's my mother'_

 _Peyton bites her lip and looks at their dismayed son, slapping Lucas' arm lightly, silently telling him to quit being a wind up. 'How was practice babe?'_

 _'Good' He rifles through the fridge, eager to find something to abate his growling stomach quickly so he can disappear._

 _'We had Mexican. I wrapped some fajitas for you over there if you fancy it?' Lucas points to the side board._

 _'Thanks Dad'_

 _'Maybe zap them in the microwave, it needs warming up. There might be a few nachos left but you know what your Mumma's like with those things'_

 _'Hey' Peyton prods him and turns around in his hold, her back to his chest instead. His hands lock around her slender waist to stop her getting far. 'Your Dad finished them actually'_

 _'Liar' Oliver laughs as he puts his saved dinner into the microwave. 'By the way, I'm going out in a while. I'm meeting Beth for a bit'_

 _'As long as you're back by ten' Lucas nods._

 _'You know most kids my age have a curfew of at least 11 on a Friday night'_

 _'Uhuh. But thanks to us you might wind up making it through college without knocking anyone up' Peyton smiles sweetly, hoping to cut short the repetitive debate they seem to keep having._

 _'You're both so hypocritical. You can't have a kid at seventeen and then make said kid suffer for your stupidity'_

 _'We learnt from our stupidity Ollie' Lucas pipes up supportively. 'We want our kids to live their lives a bit before they have to settle down'_

 _'I get it- I was such a burden-'_

 _'That's not what your Dad is saying Baby. You know we'd not take any of it back. Not for anything in the world. But it was hard and we want you to have the best'_

 _'Unlike you two I'm not stupid. I get how safe sex works'_

 _'Are you having sex?'_

 _'Oh my god Mum. Just stop-'_

 _'If you are I think we should talk about it-'_

 _'You're the last person I'm gonna talk to about it' Her grumbles._

 _'So you are?!' She regards him intensely._

 _'I'm not answering that'_

 _The microwave dings signalling his escape._

 _'You can talk to us Ol, that's all your Mum is saying. You can come to us about anything'_

 _'You two are ridiculous' He grumbles. 'You can't keep your hands off each other and somehow I'm the one that needs constant lecturing-'_

 _'We're not lecturing. We just want you to be able to talk to us, even if it's not the easiest thing to talk about'_

 _'Okay' He looks at them with feigned sweetness. 'It makes me uncomfortable that my parents think it's okay to be all over each other, all the time. Most parents would spring apart and get a mile away from each other when their kid's just walked in on them making out'_

 _'We're not normal though, hadn't you got that memo yet?' Peyton drawls._

 _'You should be thankful your parents are still into each other. We're just young and cool' Lucas quips over her shoulder._

 _'Oh Yeah. So cool' The seventeen year old sniggers._

 _'Hey. You always say I'm cool Ollie' Peyton whines._

 _'Mum, cool people don't need confirmation that they're cool'_

 _'Cool Mum's do'_

 _He looks at her for a beat. Takes a mouthful of his fajita. He can't ignore her for long though. Can't stand her sad expression. 'Fine. You're cool' He relents. 'Happy?'_

 _'The happiest' She grins. 'Come here'_

 _He rolls his eyes but momentarily puts his plate on the side board and traipses over to her. 'Yes?'_

 _'I just want a hug' She pounces, breaking free from Lucas' slack hold to smother the boy that is now an inch higher than her. 'Why do you keep growing? Just stop ok? You're not allowed'_

 _'Keep hugging me as tight and you might get your wish. It's any wonder you've not cut off my blood supply yet'_

 _She squeezes harder and he groans. 'I love you'_

 _'Yep. I know. Got that'_

 _'You know she's not gonna let you go until you say it back' Lucas grins and ruffles his sons hair. 'Do you love us too Ollie?' He chortles at the unamused teenager._

 _'I love you guys too' His father's right. He knows she really won't._

 _'What about Beth?' She wonders. 'Have you said the L word yet?'_

 _'Mum'_

 _'What? It's not wrong of me to care about your feelings Ollie. Where are you guys going tonight?'_

 _'I dunno. Just out for a bit. It's not as though we've got long left to see each other is it?' He grumbles._

 _'You'll still be able to see her'_

 _'Sure'_

 _'If it's meant to be it'll be. Just because it's going to be a little while before you two see each other doesn't mean you should put pressure on yourselves to-'_

 _'_ _Christ me and Beth aren't having sex ok? But when we do I'm not gonna come and report it to you'_

 _Peyton is momentarily taken aback by his admission. '...Why don't you stay out till half ten just this once'_

 _Oliver rolls his eyes but smiles nonetheless at the small feat. 'Why thanks mother. That'll give us a lot more time to get up to no good' He kisses her cheek and scurries away before she can change her mind._

 _'Don't make me regret that Oliver Keith Scott!' She calls after him._

 _'You're hilarious' Lucas laughs._

 _'You think he was lying about...'_

 _'Nope'_

 _'He might have just been telling me what I wanted to hear'_

 _'The boy can't lie to save his life. He puffs his cheeks out like a hamster every time'_

 _'Mm' She frowns at his_ _smirk. 'What're you so entertained by?'_

 _'You._ _You gotta stop asking him if he's having sex babe'_

 _'You're just as keen to know'_

 _'But I'm subtle about it. Maybe you should leave it to me'_

 _'What, cause you're the guy?' She kinks her brow._

 _'Well yeah'_

 _'The fact that I'm a girl shouldn't be a barrier between me and my son Luke'_

 _'Our son. I didn't say that. But whether you like it or not I remember being his age. I remember feeling like him, loving a certain girl, wanting to take it further but not being sure if we were ready'_

 _She snorts. 'You don't remember feeling like him. You fucked me when I was 16'_

 _He cringes. 'Don't say that'_

 _'What?'_

 _'Don't say I fucked you. It was more than that' He frowns. 'And as I seem to remember I managed to make you wait for a while'_

 _'Oh because I held you down and forced you did I?'_

 _'I think you would have if I hadn't have given in'_

 _She rolls her eyes. 'I'm so sorry to have been so hard on you'_

 _He shakes his head and jerks her to him. 'How about you shut up a minute and just listen to me. He's a good boy, we've raised him Peyt and you've gotta give him more credit. I've talked to him about how I felt the first time'_

 _'Oh? So you've told him his mother coerced you into it have you?'_

 _'No' He puts his finger over her mouth. 'Is there an off button on you?' He grins. 'Why so defensive? I told him I was scared about hurting you. I was scared about it being bad and you never wanting anything to do with me again...And I never wanted to be without you again'_

 _'You never made out that you were scared' She whispers._

 _'No. I suppose I didn't.'_

 _'I wish you'd told me that. I wasn't scared about you hurting me Luke'_

 _'Oh I know you weren't... You were so fucking small'_

 _'Am I huge now?' She dares him to answer._

 _'No pretty girl' his hands pinch at her narrow waist. 'But you're not a kid. God we were just kids when we did that the first time Peyt'_

 _'I know...but it was special, at least it was to me'_

 _'Baby, it was one of the very best nights of my life' He shakes his head at her. 'You know that' He tuts._

 _'I thought I did. I just, you're going on about how I pressured-'_

 _'No I'm trying to tell you that I was telling our son that looking back now, my fear, my fear about loosing you if it wasn't good, it, it...I didn't realise it back then but all the thoughts I was having about you, I knew you were the one. I knew you were the only girl I'd ever want right then. I think, I think had it been anyone else I wouldn't have been so worried. Because I wouldn't have cared so much, I wouldn't have cared if they never wanted anything to do with me again. I told him that it doesn't matter if his first time is now, in a year, in 5 or 10. Everybody is different and what's right for one person isn't right for another. I said he'll know. He'll know like I knew'_

 _As usual she's in awe of his ability to say the right things all the time. She blinks._ _'...Apparently you didn't though' She murmurs. 'Apparently I forced-'_

 _'Shut up. I was the one that initiated that night actually. Remember?' She remembers. 'I couldn't help myself because you promised me you'd wait forever. That you'd only sleep with me or no one at all' He smirks._

 _'I've kept that promise haven't I?'_

 _'Uhuh- you better continue to do so Miss'_

 _'Until the end of time Luke'_

•••

'Hi'

'Hi' She stares at him hard. This all feels so wrong. Being in a room with him and not being able to touch him. She wants to screw the rules and throw her arms around him but logically knows that'll only result in their time being cut short.

She sits down and he sinks back into his chair on the opposite side of the table. He watches her eyes flutter around. Watches her take note of a little girl greeting her father on the other side of the room.

'How are you?'

Her head jolts back to him. She nods quickly. 'I'm fine. I'm fine'

'Peyton' He squints at her. Knows her. She's hiding.

She bites her quivering lip. 'I am fine' She whispers unconvincingly. 'You're the one in prison Luke. Not me. How're you?'

He bats his hand. 'I don't want you getting yourself in a state about me being in here- I'll be out soon. I promise'

'You don't know that'

'It's going to be fine-'

'Change your statement'

'No. Baby I don't want to spend the next forty minutes arguing about the same thing'

'You lied to me Luke-'

'I don't think you really have the right to sit there and hold that against me right now. You've kept your own share of secrets' He instantly regrets it. Wants to take it back as soon as the last syllable has left his mouth. Her eyes glisten. 'I'm sorry, I didn't-'

'No. You're right' She tersely interrupts. 'But because I love you'

'And I did this because I love you' He echoes. '...How are you feeling? Are you still being sick?'

She sniffles. Her nose is prickling. 'A bit. It's not quite as bad...the Doctor says I'm not putting on enough weight though'

His jaw juts out. 'Are you eating properly?'

'I'm trying. It's bit hard when you feel like shit and can't stomach anything because your husband is on trial for murder' She glares at him and god does he love that glare because it's his wife. His fearless wife. He's not seen her in a while. He opens his mouth but she continues speaking before he can say a word. 'We need to make a decision' She blinks.

'I've told you-'

'It's not just up to me!'

'I want what you want'

'...I don't know what I want' She whispers exasperatedly. '...Ollie won't see me. He can't look at me. He hates me'

'He doesn't hate you. He's a kid. He's seeing the repercussions and he can't bear that you're suffering'

Peyton's eyes narrow. 'You've seen him' She realises.

'He's come a couple of times'

'You said you didn't want them seeing you in here'

'Well no. But it's not like I can stop him is it? I'm not gonna refuse to see him if he rocks up here am I?'

'...What did he say?'

'What I just said'

'That's not why he doesn't want to be near me and you know it'

'Hey. Look at me' He reaches across the table and grabs her hands. She startles. Eyes flutter in search of the guard nervously. 'Look at me'

'Luke'

'Look at me' Green meets blue. 'Stop whatever it is you're thinking. Right now. You hear me?'

'Scott. No touching' They've been caught.

'For christ sake, she's my wife-'

'No touching. You know the rules'

She hastily inches her hands out of his tight hold. 'We don't have long. Don't ruin it' She begs. She can't handle their time being cut short.

He puffs out an angry breath but shifts his hands back off the table into his lap. '...Talk to him'

'You don't think I've tried?'

'Keep trying. You're his mother. You can be fucking scary when you want to be, you can make him listen. He needs you to keep him level headed right now'

'What does that mean?'

'It means he's all over the place. It means you need to watch him because if he confesses to just one person it could fuck everything up and he's not going to end up in here. He's not' Her stomach turns.

'No. He's not' She whispers.

His hand somehow sneaks beneath the table and rests on her knee undetected. 'I love you'

She purses her lips to stop herself from sobbing. Nods. 'I love you too'


	3. Chapter two

**Chapter Two.**

 _'What have you done?' It's a whisper, her eyes fixate on the unmoving figure on the floor._

 _He doesn't answer._

 _She can hear her own heart beating in her ears. She's suddenly cold. It encompasses her in all of an instant, her body shuddering. It's shock._

 _'What have you done?!' It's a shriek now. Her hands claw into her hair. This isn't real. It can't be real. Things like this don't happen to people like her. Things like this don't happen to families like hers._

 _'I...I...I...'_

 _'Ollie' Lucas is calm unlike his wife. He steers his son away._

 _'Dad I...I don't...I didn't mean...' He opens and closes his mouth. It's like he's been in a trance. Like he's coming to the surface after being submerged in water. The awareness of what he's done weighing down on him. He's trembling. He's ghostly white._

 _'It's alright. I know. Look sit here' He guides his son down onto the sofa. Eases the knife that's still in his shaking hand free. 'There we go. It's alright'_

 _'I...I'm...sorry'_

 _'I know' He presses his forehead to the teenagers. 'It's going to be ok. Just breathe for me, you're in shock'_

 _'H-help me'_ _Lucas' head spins around at the croaked voice. He grips the knife tight in his fist. Rises back to standing. Peyton isn't standing where he left her. She's_ _kneeling on the floor. Her hands are covered in the wounded man's blood. His fingers are curled around her wrist and it's in that moment that Lucas feels like he's going to be sick. It's not the blood. It's not what's occurred here. It's the hands on his wife._ _'I'm s-sorry. I...I'm sorry...Pey-ton'_

 _He's done being calm. He strides back across the room. 'Peyton' She yelps as he yanks her up off the ground. The fingers that had just been on her fall limply to the floor with a thump. 'Look at me' His hand coasts of her cheek. 'Go look after our son-'_

 _'He needs help'_

 _'Not from you he doesn't'_

 _She blinks. She shakes her head. Because the man that's looking at her isn't her husband. He's somebody she doesn't recognise. Somebody that has no intention of trying to help the victim at their feet. 'Lucas'_

 _'Just go to Ollie' He pushes her gently across the room. 'I'll call an ambulance' He declares. She doesn't believe him._

 _Her bottom lip wobbles. 'Luke-'_

 _'Go'_

 _He's never spoken to her like that before. It's one word. One syllable. And yet there's so much authority. It's a demand and a demand she follows._

 _He knows when she goes that her only reason for following his order is to call for help herself._ _But u_ _nlike his wife he's not under the illusion that they can stop the impending death of the man on the floor. Help won't arrive in time. There's too much blood. And he wants to watch it. Wants to be here in the last moment to see the light leave his eyes._

 _He watches him for a long moment, sprawled on the floor. Helpless. And yet he still has the urge to bring his foot down on his neck. Watch him gasp. Watch him fade away under his own hand. To be the one to inflict further pain because this man is responsible for the darkness that encases his family. He slowly squats down onto the floor. 'Why?'_

 _'...' His breathing is erratic._

 _'I know you did it' A tear races down his cheek. 'Peyton' He grinds out. 'Everything I've done for you' He growls. 'How could you do that to her?!'_

 _'...I'm...sorry...you...can't...under...stand...you...ha...have ev...every...thing'_

 _His nostrils flare and he inhales sharply because his words are envy. Envy that he doesn't understand. 'You had everything to live for' Death is close and Lucas hates him for acknowledging the crime now. Here, in this moment when he's had the opportunity to do so before. Not now when he's escaping in a sense. 'You think you can just take?! You're not five! She's not a fucking toy you can help yourself to'_

 _'I...thought...she...felt...same'_

 _'What part of no screams yes?!' He growls. He hastily wipes away the wetness that's settle on his cheek. His tears are devastation. His bawled fists are his rage. 'Are you in pain?'_

 _'...yes'_

 _'Good'_

 _'...for...for...give...me...Luke'_

 _'You know I can't do that. Die knowing you have no one'_ _He vehemently hisses. '_ _No one'_

•••

Peyton sits down on the bleachers. Glances back at Sawyer. The nine year old is balancing on the benches. Two Summers ago she'd stumbled and broken her arm whilst playing that game. That had been back when they'd just been visiting, just been on holiday. That had been before they'd moved back. Before everything changed. Sawyer isn't seven anymore and leaps across the seating with ease and elegance. Peyton is too distracted to remind her that she wound up with a broken limb the last time she played that game.

'Why don't you just shout at him Mum? He's not seen us'

'He's playing'

'They're just practicing. That's never stopped you from interrupting before to say hi' The child knowingly points out.

Peyton doesn't answer. She watches her son weave his way across the court and can't help but be struck by the resemblance to his father.

The eighteen year old soon takes note of them. He doesn't do what he usually would. He doesn't ignore their presence and continue on with his game. A few words are exchanged with his friends and the three other boys are quick to disperse.

She rises up onto her feet when he nears them, her arms moving around herself protectively. She hates this. Hates that she feels like she can't hug her own boy. That he suddenly doesn't want anything to do with her.

There's a pause when he reaches her.

'Is everything ok?' He enquires nervously.

'Asides from my son avoiding me? Mmm hunky dory'

He opens his mouth but his kid sister saves him from answering.

'Ollie!' Sawyer leaps down onto the asphalt. Catapults herself at her brother.

'Hey you' He scruffs her hair up and she's quick to wriggle away and smooth her hand over her hair.

'Guess what?'

'What?' He widens his eyes expectantly.

'Mummy is having a baby!'

He glances at his mother's belly. Notes that her stomach appears a little more swollen than the last time he saw her. There's no more hiding from the fact that there's a little person growing in there. He averts his eyes abruptly. Peyton doesn't miss the revulsion. It has her pulling her cardigan tighter around herself.

'We're gonna have a little sister or brother!'

'I know monkey' He tries a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. 'Hey, I need to talk to Mum. Why don't you go practice shooting some baskets. When you get six in I'll get you an ice cream' He bargains.

'Six?'

'Six'

'You swear?' She holds her hand out and he laughs at her antics.

'Don't you trust me?'

'Nope'

He shakes her hand. 'I swear. Go on you loon' He tosses the basket ball over his shoulder, instigating her running for it. They watch her catch up to the ball and dribble it with a skill that she's picked up from hours of playing with her Dad and brother. She misses the first few shots but her persistence has the ball soon going through the hoop. She looks back at them, her grin apparent despite the distance. 'Show off!' He shouts as she twirls around. 'Five more!' He continues facing the court but he's no longer watching his kid sister. '...You told her'

'She overheard me talking to your Grandparents' She corrects him.

'...She's excited'

'She's excited to see her brother. She'd be better if her big brother was around all the time. She's already lost her Dad'

'Because of me' The guilt weighs heavily on his shoulders.

She frowns. 'No, that's not what...' She trails off. She doesn't want to start down this road because quite frankly she's sick of rehashing it. 'Come home Ollie'

He snorts. 'I know you don't want me there Mum'

'Of course I want you there' She's quick to dispute.

'That's not what you said-'

'I'm so sorry for all the things I said. I didn't...of course I didn't mean it. I was upset. This has been...' She scrapes her hand through her limp hair. 'This has all been really hard for me' Her voice wobbles with her admission. 'That doesn't excuse what I said-'

'What you said was the truth...I have ruined your life... I'm going to do the right thing though Mum. I'm going to make it right. I'm going to turn myself in'

She pushes her sunglasses up then. Reveals her glassy, bloodshot eyes. He wants to look away but forces himself not to. 'Like. Hell. You. Are'

'I'm not a kid. I don't need Dad doing this for me. You need him. It's wrong-'

'You _are_ a kid! Your life will be over Oliver' She hisses. 'Over. Do you understand that?'

'So I'm just meant to sit back and let Dad do time for something I did!'

'We're your parents! If you've not figured it out yet, we'd do anything for you, will do anything to keep you safe! You didn't know what you were doing! You're not a cold blooded killer' She hisses.

'I might not have had the intention of things ending the way they did but I did know what I was doing! And I don't regret it. I regret what it's done to you and Dad but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I'm not sorry-'

'Don't say that!' She growls. 'You don't mean that!'

'Yes I do!'

'I bought you up knowing that violence and revenge isn't the answer-'

'He raped you Mum! He raped you'

She pulls her sunglasses back down over her eyes in all of an instant. Turns away to face her daughter once more.

He watches her jaw quiver. Knows she's working hard to contain her tears. And he can't bear it. Until recently he could count the amount of times he'd witnessed her cry. She wasn't a public crier. Especially not in front of her children. There'd been a few exceptions. When she'd seen her daughter for the first time. At her father's funeral. When she'd thought her best friend had been in a car accident. Three instances. In the last couple of months he's lost count.

'Mum...'

She exhales heavily. 'God I wish you'd never found out' She whispers.

'...What if I hadn't?' He wonders. He wonders if that's why she's most mad at him. Because he's the one that exposed her secret. 'Would you never have told Dad?'

She swallows thickly. '...I don't know'

'I don't get why you'd want to protect _him_?!'

Peyton clenches her eyes shut. His question reveals his age. Shows his naivety. 'God, that's so not what I was doing Ollie'

'No? Why wouldn't you tell Dad?! Why wouldn't you go to the police?! If you had-'

'Everything would be different. I know' She turns back to him. 'I know that. I know this is all my fault'

'That's not what I'm saying Mum' He claws his hand through his hair. 'He came into our house. I just don't understand how you could continue like normal-'

'Normal? Nothing has been normal for me since that night Oliver' She expels. 'Believe it or not I was trying to make sure your Dad didn't do anything stupid! I was trying to make sure my family's life wasn't torn apart!' She spouts.

Her ferocity takes him off guard. Silences him. Because it turns out she needn't have been as concerned about her husbands reaction. It was her son that was the liability. It was her son that had screwed everything up.

'I don't want to keep talking about this...What's done is done...You need you to come home Ollie' She whimpers.

'I...I don't think I can'

'Why?! I don't blame you! I understand why you did it. I do. It was the wrong choice but you were angry and that anger stemmed from your love for me. I know that. I love you so much. We'll get through this but I need you at home. I need us all to be together'

'...It's not like I'm far away at Nan and Grandad's. I think it's best I stay there-'

'Your Dad wants you to be at home with me. If you can't do it for me, do it for him. Please. You owe him that much...You want to fix things, it starts here.'

'...Can I think about it?' She sighs. It's better than a no. He averts his stare back to his sister who's very dramatically just announced her fifth basket. '...Are you...you're keeping the...you're keeping it then?'

Her temple is pounding. 'What?'

'You could've lied to her- you've obviously let her think this baby is happening-'

'What're you talking about? You know I can't stop it from happening'

'You did try. I heard you and Dad arguing. You'd booked an appointment for an abortion' She swallows. Wonders how many arguments he's eavesdropped on in recent months. 'Is it too late to do that now?'

She tilts her head and stares at him. He stares back into the blacked out sun glasses. 'That conversation was private'

'Well perhaps you should've done a greater job of making sure your kids weren't in the house before you two had a screaming match'

'Don't talk to me like that'

'Don't treat me like I'm a little kid. I'm not Sawyer. She doesn't understand any of this but I don't get that luxury. I have a right to know if you're planning to keep it'

'Of course we're keeping it'

'And Dad is okay with that is he?' She swallows the lump in the back of her throat. Inhales sharply. 'He only stopped you before because he thought it was his. He wouldn't stop you now-'

'It is your Dad's' she tersely interrupts.

'How are you so sure?'

'Because I am!' She exclaims.

'Why did you want an abortion then?' She digs her finger nails into her arms. Says nothing. 'Mum?'

'I don't want to talk to you about this'

'But-'

'But nothing. This baby is your brother or sister' She blurts. 'And it's _our_ decision. Ours. Mine and your Dad's. Not yours. Not anyone else's. It's no one else's business!'

'I know Mum'

'Do you?'

'I just...want you to be ok'

'Yeah? Well did you know that I can't sleep because I'm worried about you! Because I'm worried you're going to go and hand yourself in. If you go to prison I won't be okay. It'll kill me. And it'll kill your Dad too. Do you get that? Not just that but we'll get in trouble for perverting the course of justice'

'SIX! I did it! Six!' Sawyer chants jubilantly.

Peyton licks her lips. 'What'll make me ok is if you come home...Go take your sister for ice cream. And when you bring her back you can stay for dinner. I'm making Mexican'

He's silent.

'Ok?'

He blinks. Nods. Relents. 'Ok. Ok'


	4. Chapter three

**A/N Thank you to those that have left me so kind reviews and words of encouragement!**

 **Chapter Three.**

 _'Here' He hands her an envelope with her name scrawled on the front._

 _'Honey you do know it's your kid's birthday today and not mine?'_

 _'Just open it sweetheart'_

 _She pulls back the envelope flap. Pulls out the card. It's a drawing of their daughter. One of what she calls her doodles. He calls it art. It's been printed onto a card._

 _She kinks her brow and looks at him coyly. 'This is a breach of copyright you know?'_

 _'Oh?' He smirks._

 _'You can't steal peoples shit Luke'_

 _'It's a good job what's yours is mine huh?'_

 _'I'll remind you of that next time I'm previewing your work' She turns the card over. Reads the back. Sawyer Brooke Scott by Peyton Scott. 'You got this printed professionally?'_

 _'I happen to know a few people in publishing babe. It wasn't hard'_

 _She's still impressed at his efforts. She looks at him again as she opens the card, a questioning glint in her eye because she has no clue what this is in aid of._

 _She reads his familiar scruffy writing:_

 _Today is Sawyer's day. But I just wanted you to know that whenever our kids have a birthday and we celebrate them I feel like I should be celebrating you. Thank you for giving me her ten years ago. Thank you for loving them the way you do. Thank you for being the most wonderful mother to our children._

 _I know the last couple of weeks haven't been the easiest but this move, this house, we're going to make the best memories here Peyton. I promise._

 _I love you. Always._

 _Lucas._

 _She looks up._

 _'Aw Sweetheart' He steps forward, amused by the tear that has settled on her cheek. 'It wasn't meant to make you cry'_

 _'Sure it wasn't' She grumbles. 'You're such a bastard with your bloody sweet cards and words all the time'_

 _He laughs then. 'I'm a bastard for being sweet?'_

 _'Uhuh. I just did my make up'_

 _'I'll make an effort to reel it in in future'_

 _'Don't do that' She sets the card down onto the table and links her hands around his neck._

 _'No?'_

 _'No. I love it'_

 _'Yeah?'_

 _'Thank you. I kinda love you, you know?'_

 _'Well that's good cause I'm kind of warming up to you too' He quips._

 _'You're so getting lucky tonight'_

 _'Yeah?' He smirks. 'Ooo will you wear the green panties?'_

 _'Maybe I already am' She wriggles her eyebrows._

 _His eyes trail down her, a pained expression on his face. 'For real?'_

 _'For real' She drawls. He jerks her to him in all of an instant. 'Luke' She admonishes because she wouldn't put it past him to sneak his hand beneath her dress right now. 'There's a garden full of kids through there'_

 _'You're mean you know that?'_

 _'Why?'_

 _'You tell me that when you know full well I've gotta wait forever, that I'm gonna spend the next few hours imagining all the things I'm gonna do to you when I'm meant to be supervising a bunch of kids'_

 _She laughs. 'So dramatic'_

 _'Muuuum I neeeeed you!'_

 _'Coming!' She calls._

 _'Bloody kid'_

 _'Bloody kid that you just thanked me for bringing into the world' Peyton laughs._

 _'Yeah. She's the worst'_

 _'The worst' She agrees jokingly. 'Wanna do the water fight with them or wanna be in charge of the paint fight zone?'_

 _'Oh the decisions' He ponders. 'Do I get wet or covered in paint...Where do you come up with this shit?'_

 _'They're nine and this has to be the best party ever. We're helping her make friends Luke'_

 _'She seems to have aced that already. Admit it. This is for you not her!'_

 _'Give it a few more years and she won't be as into this stuff'_

 _'Oh I dunno about that. You've never grown out of making a mess'_

 _She smiles. 'How about I be in charge of the water fight. Then when I get all wet my dress might be so kind as to give you a preview of what's under here'_

 _He grins. Toys with the white fabric in question. 'Oh that's most definitely a deal'_

 _'Mum!'_

 _'Coming, Coming!' She pulls away. He yanks her back. Kisses her inappropriately. Tongue dipping into her mouth._

 _'Mum!'_

 _They pull apart to find the nine year old now with them. Arms crossed. Their family loitering on the patio through the open french doors behind her._

 _'Aunt Brooke, Uncle Nate, Nana and Grandad just got here' Sawyer rolls her eyes and wavers her hand to their unfazed guests._ _'Will you please both try and behave for two hours' She begs._

 _'We are, we are' Peyton's head bobs. 'Sorry babe. Really, I'm coming now'_

 _'Uncle Nate gave me this' She forgets she's irritated and waves a water pistol at them._

 _'Course he did' Peyton laughs. 'Wanna go try it out? I'm just gonna sort the water balloons out and then I'll be with you'_

 _'Ok. Daddy you can come with me though' She wags her finger. She can't trust them not to get distracted. He salutes her and obeys, marching after her._

 _'Yes mam. Lead the way'_

 _'You two are ridiculous. You gotta keep your hands to yourself for two hours. It's not that bloody hard'_

 _Peyton smiles at her best friend as she sneaks into the house. 'He gave me one of his fucking sappy cards. I'm not the only person that's defenceless to those' She's referring to the time Brooke started sobbing because of a sweet motivational card Lucas had bestowed upon her when she'd started up her own business._

 _'Bastard'_

 _'That's what I said' The brunette's_ _hands slip round her best friend's waist then as she hovers over the sink and begins to fill water balloons. 'Oh hi'_

 _'It's so good to have you home Peyt' Brooke chants as she hugs her from behind. 'I'm in your house. I walked 20 minutes down the road from my house to your house'_

 _'I know' Peyton grins._

 _'Are you happy?'_

 _'The happiest'_

 _'Me too. I'm hugging you. Like for real. Not down a phone'_

 _'Uhuh' Peyton laughs and tilts her head to kiss her friend's cheek. 'Also making this real hard by the way' She says of the water balloons she's trying to tie._

 _'Sorry' Brooke releases her._

 _'Here, help me and give me the update on this mystery movie producer guy I'm yet to meet!' She hands her a filled balloon to tie._

 _'I dunno P' She sighs._

 _'Oh no. What's happened?'_

 _'Nothing, nothing. It's just he's gone again. Work. I don't see how this is gonna work long term realistically. I'm tired of it all you know? Dating' She huffs. 'Of course you don't know. You've never been on a date in your life'_

 _Peyton stops what she's doing. 'I'm sorry B'_

 _'I'm so fucking ready to just settle down, have kids, be happy, have what you have._ _It's not fair._ _' She reveals. 'God I sound like a right jealous bitch right now. I'm sorry'_

 _'No, no you don't. Me and Luke are an anomaly though B- I don't think most people meet who they're gonna spend the rest of their lives with when they're thirteen. And you know it's not always easy. We've had our issues'_

 _Brooke squints at her. 'Oh yeah, a fight over whether or not you have a basket ball court put in that'll take up your garden is the worst' She teases._

 _Peyton laughs. 'Is he still going on about that to you? I swear he thinks if he convinces the rest of the world I'll suddenly be on board' She rolls her eyes and turns around. Wipes her wet hands down her front. 'We do have problems. I just don't announce it to the world' She admits. 'I know everyone has it in their head that we're like the perfect couple. Sometimes it's hard to confide when we are having issues'_

 _'Hang on. Are you guys ok?' She's suddenly panicked._

 _Peyton smiles. 'We're fine. Seeeee' She chants. 'The second I suggest all isn't well people look at me like you are right now'_

 _'If you guys break up my whole idea of what a marriage should be will be ruined Peyt. You're not allowed'_

 _Peyton shakes her head with a laugh. 'That's never gonna happen. But when you get married your marriage is gonna be yours. You can't base it off ours. Everyone is different and however perfect things may seem it's never that way completely. Nobody can be 100% happy 24/7'_

 _'I don't think marriage is ever gonna be on the cards for me P so it doesn't matter'_

 _'It is. I know it. It's what you want and you will have it one day'_

 _'That's easy for the married mother to say'_

 _'Honey' Peyton hugs her. 'I envy you too sometimes you know?'_

 _'What?' Brooke tilts her head and looks at her friend disbelieving._

 _'Oh yeah. No worrying about where your seventeen year old is and what he's doing. No worrying that something awful could happen to your kids at any given moment, that they could walk out that door one day and never come back. Not being on the same page as your husband when it comes to having more of the kids you spend all your time fretting about'_

 _'Woah. Hang on a sec. You want a baby?'_

 _Peyton bites her lip. She'd not meant to share that. '...it doesn't matter anyway. Luke doesn't'_

 _'Why? Has he fucking seen your beautiful kids?'_

 _'He thinks we've done that. Been there. Got the t-shirt' She shrugs. 'I'm sorry. Look I've made this conversation about me. You're gonna find someone B. And you're gonna have kids. And the guy is gonna worship you. And I better bloody be god mother and maid of honour..Everyone's journey is different. And quite frankly it's bloody fun living vicariously through you. A girl that's only ever been with one guy and never dated anyone finds it kinda exciting to hear what that's like'_

 _Brooke snorts. 'I love you but you don't know what you're on about'_

 _'I don't get to have that first kiss with someone. Or that first time again. Isn't that feeling exciting?'_

 _'Who are you right now and what have you done with Miss, Luke is my everything, I could never be with anyone but Luke, I'm not attracted to anyone but Luke'_

 _'All still stands' Peyton dismisses. 'I'm just saying, like you wonder what it's like being married, I wonder what it's like being single sometimes too'_

 _'I think you two seem to be pretty down with keeping things exciting P. I've lost count of the times I've walked in on you two doing god knows what'_

 _Peyton's cheeks redden._

 _'Mum are you making out with Brooke now too?' Sawyer has reappeared, hands on hips._

 _Brooke laughs. 'Woah, 9 is when the sass starts is it?'_

 _'Ollie said that's probably what she's doing in here! Every time she says she's coming outside she doesn't Aunt Brooke! She's a nymphooooniat'_

 _Peyton's eyes widen._

 _'I think you mean_ _nymphomaniac' Brooke splutters. 'Do you even know what that means?'_

 _'Ollie said it'_

 _'Your brother is a wind up Sawyer. For god sake don't say that' Peyton pleads._

 _'Why? What does it mean?'_

 _'Nothing. Come on, me and Brooke really are coming now. I swear'_

 _'Your kids even know it' Brooke laughs wickedly._

 _'Don't bloody encourage them. Where's Ollie? I'm going to freaking drench him with these water bombs'_

•••

'Everything is okay then?' Brooke enquires. She needs all the facts. She doesn't want the practitioner to beat around the bush. If she's going to get her best friend through the next few months.

'Everything looks fine' The Doctor smiles at the concerned brunette before swiftly returning her attention to her patient. 'All your levels are normal Peyton. You've put on that weight since our last visit and the baby is on target with what we'd expect at this point in your pregnancy'

Peyton nods wordlessly, her eyes fixated on the screen. She's finding it hard to focus or listen because all her ears seem to be able to hear is the thumping heart beat sounding from the monitor.

'Has the morning sickness subsided a bit for you?'

'It's better than it was'

'That's good to hear. Just keep doing what you're doing. I still want to see you more regularly than a regular pregnancy just because of what you went through with your daughter. I need to keep a close eye on that blood pressure but there's every chance you'll carry this baby to full term without any issues so try not to worry. I know that's easier said than done'

Again she nods.

'Would you like to know the gender?'

She blinks. Tears her eyes away from the screen to look at the Doctor.

Brooke squeezes her hand.

'I didn't find out with the other two. We wanted it to be a surprise'

'A little bit of mystery is always fun-'

'I don't want there to be any mystery with this one'

'Oh' The skilled Doctor backtracks. 'I never could handle the not knowing with my three either' Brooke wants her to stop with all this chit chat. 'You have two children already right?'

'Yes. Ollie and Sawyer. Eighteen and nine'

'I didn't realise your age gaps were so big. You must have been young with your first one'

'The first one wasn't exactly planned. Nor was this one' Peyton mutters.

'Well...' She moves the sonograph across Peyton's swollen belly slowly. 'I'm sure she'll fit in just fine even if she wasn't planned'

'...She?' Peyton blinks.

'Yes. She'

She didn't anticipate the relief that washes over her. Thought it would be like Oliver and Sawyer. Thought the sex wouldn't make a difference. But it does. Because all the little worries she's been ignoring regarding a boy are irrelevant. Niggling worries she's considered if the father turns out to not be her husband. _What if he looks like him? What if he's like him? What if he becomes the man his father was? What if it's not his upbringing. What if it's just in him. What if she can't love him?_ But it's a girl. A girl. And somehow those worries she had regarding a boy aren't the same for a girl. She knows that's wrong. Knows this child, regardless of the gender could still pose all the same problems but somehow she feels more at ease guiding a little girl through this tornado.

'A girl Peyt' Brooke understands. Brooke innately knows. A tear races down her cheek; her own relief. 'Sawyer's gonna be over the moon'

Peyton nods slowly. 'You think Luke will?' She wonders. This feels wrong. As much as she loves her best friend it's not her she wants beside her right now.

'Are you kidding? Of course he will'

She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth. Listens to the fast heart beat. '...Can...can you tell, can you tell when she was conceived. Like exactly? I know I'm about sixteen weeks but can you tell the day?'

Brooke's smile wanes at her friend's question.

'It's always tricky to give an accurate answer to that. Especially if you slept with your husband a handful of times during ovulation-'

'There was someone else' She announces suddenly, almost matter of factly. Brooke watches the Doctor freeze at this news. Watches her slowly put the sonograph down. The baby's heart beat ceases to be heard. 'I don't know if my husband is the father or if...'

'Peyt' Brooke shakes her head. 'There wasn't someone else' Her friend's choice of words have her feeling nauseous and she can't not correct her because she won't have this woman before them making judgements. 'Peyton was raped'

'Brooke' Peyton sighs.

'What? That's what happened Peyt. Saying there was someone else makes it sound like you had an affair-'

'I'm not here to judge anyone. I'm here to make sure both my patient and their unborn baby are healthy' The Doctor soothingly interrupts. 'I..I'm so sorry to hear that Peyton, I...you never mentioned-'

'No. I know. I...I just wanted to pretend but I, I know I can't pretend forever' She swallows. 'I had sex with my husband the night before _it_ happened. Can you find out who the father is?'

'We'd have to do DNA tests to be sure. I wouldn't advise doing that until after the baby is delivered... Do you know when you'd last had sex with your husband prior to that night before?'

Peyton blinks. 'I don't know. Probably a few days at most. What difference does that make?'

'Well there's every chance your husband is the father. If you look at the window of time when you would've been ovulating and conception possible. If you'd slept with your husband several times he's got better odds than the one instant that...' She trails off.

'Better odds...' She frowns. Better odds isn't yes or no. Better odds isn't good enough. 'I'd been on the pill for a good while and slept with Luke a million times and never wound up pregnant. Surely that indicates that it...it's likely he's not...the father'

'The pill isn't full proof'

'I know' She wouldn't be pregnant otherwise. 'But it has been for us. It was until _that_ night!'

'I'm sorry Peyton. I understand your distress and I...I wish I could give you an answer. The fact is until a DNA test is done we wouldn't be able to determine the biological father'

'Peyt' Brooke takes both her hands. 'Luke will bring this baby up as his no matter what. You know that'

'...What if I can't love her? What if-'

'God I don't worry about that for a single second. That's not gonna happen'

'How do you know?'

'Because I know you! Honey, as soon as you have her in your arms you're not going to care because she's yours. Yours. She's going to be so loved. So loved'

'Have you spoken to anyone about this Peyton?' The Doctor carefully wipes her patient's stomach with a paper towel. 'Professionally I mean'

'No. I'm fine. Really'

'Sometimes it's good to speak to somebody that you don't know. It can be easier. You do have options'

'Options' Peyton blinks and pushes her top down.

'You'd still be eligible for an abortion if that's something you wanted. You're not 20 weeks yet. You'd need to make a decision pretty quickly though. If not an abortion you can consider adoption'

'I...I was going to have an abortion' She admits. 'I wanted that at first. But, but it could be Luke's. I...I don't think I can...I can't, I can't...you just told me it's a girl. It's, it's a baby now. I can't'

'Of course, of course' The Doctor nods. 'I just wanted you to know that if that's what you want I'd be able to support you with that decision...have you reported this incident to the police?'

'They know' She exhales. She doesn't want to go into the details. Brooke knows of her growing desire to escape.

'There are pictures right? That Peyton can take to show her husband?'

'Of course' The Doctor disappears behind the monitor and retrieves some printed screenshots of the sonograph. 'Here you go Peyton'

She doesn't look at the images. She shifts her legs off the bed, hastily seeking out her bag to hide them away in.

'And I also want you to take this. You don't have to ring it but it's always nice to know it's option' She extends a business card out to her. 'Laurie is a friend of mine. She's a counsellor that specialises in trauma of this nature and her husband is a lawyer. She's a fountain of knowledge. She'd be able to help you and advise you in terms of your case for pressing charges-'

'Thank you but he's dead. I don't need help' She's on her feet now and pulls her bag onto her shoulder, ignoring the card being offered to her. 'I'm going to be late to pick Sawyer up if I don't go now. Shall I arrange a next appointment at reception?'

'Yes that'll-'

'Ok. Thank you' She nods curtly and is already out the door before the Doctor can say any further parting words.

'Sorry, she's understandably stressed right now...can I take that?' Brooke queries.

'Please do' The Doctor gladly hands her the business card. 'I hope you can talk her round'

'Me too' She sadly agrees. 'Me too'


	5. Chapter four

**Chapter Four.**

 _'Your hair is wet'_

 _'Mm'_

 _'You showered'_ _He's surprised. Knows she doesn't like going to bed with wet locks. Has heard her say on many occasion that it's counter productive because she'll wake up with a frizzy mane that will require washing all over again._

 _'Evidently'_ _She's off hand and curt. He opens his mouth to ask her what's wrong but she's speaking again._ _'I had a cigarette' She expels in explanation._

 _'You know I hate it when you do that' He admonishes. He's irritated now like he always is when he finds out she's had a sneaky smoke. Perhaps more so because she's gone the extra mile to try and hide it from him and they don't keep secrets. She can't lie though. She's never been able to lie._

 _'I know'_

 _'Why do it then?' He finds it even more frustrating that she continues to do something he doesn't approve of. It's one of few things they're seemingly not on the same page about._

 _'Because it's not a big deal'_

 _'I disagree'_

 _'One cigarette once in a blue moon with a drink isn't a big deal. I'm hardly a reckless person Luke. One isn't gonna kill me'_

 _'You know what they do to your body. You'd fly off the handle if you caught Ollie or Sawyer doing that' He reasons._

 _'I won't do it again' She sighs._

 _'Don't say that when you blatantly are'_

 _She doesn't say anything._

 _And then he's sorry because lord knows if she was to ever have a cigarette tonight would be the night._ _'I'm sorry' He sighs into the darkness after a beat. Arguing about her habit of social smoking every now and again hardly seems important in the grand scheme of things. 'Tonight wasn't...' He pinches the bridge of his nose. 'It wasn't the best huh?' He lays down, looks up at the ceiling. 'I'm sorry Peyt...' He shifts onto his side. Stares at the svelte silhouette of her rigid form. 'Mum and Keith calmed down after a while...Thank you, for staying while I went after them. You're always so good with him. I saw him on the way back here. He seemed calmer' He frowns into the darkness. He can't bear the silent treatment. The silent treatment always suggests he's done wrong. '_ _Peyt?'_

 _She flinches as his hand finds her side._

 _'Sorry. Cold hands?' He rubs them together. Before pulling her back into his chest. 'Better?'_

 _She doesn't answer._

 _'Don't be mad at me. I know you didn't think it was a good idea to begin with. I know I should've listened. I just want everyone to get along'_

 _'I'm...not...mad at, at you' She breathes disjointedly._

 _'Are you crying?'_

 _'I...it's just all...a mess'_

 _'Baby' He kisses her shoulder. 'Don't get upset' His fingers brush the underside of her breast. Wants her tense body to sink back into him as always at his signature touch._

 _She shimmies forward though, her hand pushing his away. 'My hair I...I'm getting you wet-'_

 _'I don't care-'_

 _'I'm...tired Luke' She whispers._

 _'Sorry. Of course you are' He adjusts the bedsheets round her. Kisses her cheek. 'Forget about it all and sleep' She shuffles further into the pillows and it feels like she's trying to burrow away from him. 'I love you'_

•••

'Are you a hundred percent convinced that your wife's story-'

'Story?' He interrupts. His expression is steely. 'I suggest you don't finish that sentence. It's not a story'

'Lucas you're on trial for murder here. This is going to come up. You don't think the defence are going to imply that she was having an affair? Your own family is divided by the accusations'

'If anyone in my family believes otherwise they're no longer my family. I know my wife. I knew something was wrong. I knew. I just didn't know what. And now, now every little thing makes fucking sense. If you're not her side then you're not on my side'

The woman sighs. 'Lucas I'm your Lawyer. I'm on your side. That isn't up for debate. You have to see things from my point of you. I'm an outsider. I don't know your wife. I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship. I need to know everything. The good and the bad. If I'm going to convince the jury that this was self defence, that it wasn't murder, we need to be prepared for what they're going to throw at us. You need to get use to hearing Peyton being implicated because there's no way they're not going to try and paint this as you were a jealous husband taking revenge on your wife's lover'

'I'd rather take the murder charge than her be put through any more. She's been through hell'

'Do you really think she'd find that to be a grand gesture of your love? I might not know Peyton but from the couple of meetings I've had with her she's made it abundantly clear that she'll say anything, do anything to get you out of here. I don't think you staying in here for life will help her do you? You've got two children and another on the way. She needs you to be strong...' She changes the subject. 'Why don't you tell me about how you and Peyton met?'

He sighs. Is silent. Minutes pass. 'We were kids. We were thirteen'

'Childhood sweethearts. That's good' She jots something down in her diary. 'People will like that'

'It's the truth' He scowls.

'I'm trying to make you likeable here Lucas'

His face relaxes a little. 'I..I'm sorry. I just...this is my life'

'I know. And as your lawyer I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you can go back to your life. Just try and work with me here'

'We had our first kiss at fourteen. It was down at the River court in Tree Hill. She kissed me. She kinda caught me off guard. I pulled away and she looked like she was gonna cry so I kissed her again. Neither of us knew what we were doing. It was clumsy and awkward. But I knew I wanted to do it again and again'

The Lawyer smiles. 'A girl that knows what she wants'

'Oh I don't know about that. Brooke knew we liked each other. She dared her. Peyton talks like she's the one responsible for us getting together but I thank Brooke at least once a year'

'Brooke?'

'Her best friend. Still is. I wasn't the most confident of kids. I'm not sure I would've had the guts to instigate anything'

'So after that it was plain sailing? No teenage drama?'

'You'd think there would've been but no. The biggest drama was our parents fearing we were spending too much time with each other'

'They worried what you were getting up to behind closed doors'

'Yeah. And turns out they were right to be worried. Peyton was sixteen when we found we were having Ollie. Just seventeen when he was born'

'That must've been tough'

'It was scary. We were just kids ourselves. We didn't have jobs. For the first few years we had to rely on our parents a lot to help us. We didn't have a house. We split time between our parents. Mum babysat a lot whilst we finished school. But we made it. We got through it. And not once did we ever think we'd be splitting up. That wasn't an option'

He pauses. Let's her finish scribbling down notes.

'I got a coaching job in LA. I couldn't really turn it down. The contract meant we'd finally be able to look after ourselves financially speaking so we moved out there. Peyton found work at a record label. When we were twenty four we married. Sawyer is our honeymoon baby'

'Your lives were picture perfect by the sounds of it'

'Well, we were comfortable and settled and happy. We were both on the same page when it came to us coming back here though. LA wasn't ever meant to be long term. I'd been writing for a while and at some point Peyton being Peyton had sent my stuff to a publishers. They wanted to publish my book. It was after the success of that I gave up coaching and we decided it was time to move back here'

'This was always the end goal. To bring your family up here. To be close to grandparents'

'That was always our dream. Coming back here isn't a dream though. I should never have bought them back here...'

'So you weren't trying to escape anyone...in LA I mean'

His jaw tenses. He frowns. 'I've told you. Neither of us have been unfaithful. Ever' He murmurs exasperatedly. 'I've only been with her. She's my first everything. My only everything. And I'm hers'

'You've been together since you were kids Lucas. People grow up, become new people, want different things'

'That's not us. It's not' He knows her game. Knows she's just doing her job. Knows Brooke has hired the best of the best. Knows he's got to work through this interrogation.

'How is your relationship with your parents?'

'Mum and Keith are great. Dan isn't my dad as far as I'm concerned. Keith has been that ever since I remember'

'And Peyton?'

'And Peyton what?'

'She feels the same'

'She's really close to Mum and Keith. She lost her Mum when she was nine and her Dad passed away shortly after our wedding. They love her'

'Describe her'

'Peyton?'

'Yes'

'She's...' He licks his lips. Swallows. 'She's...She can be quite shy. I don't think anybody that knows her would say that but she is. Around people she doesn't know she can be nervy and quiet. But when she knows someone, likes someone, well it's hard to shut her up. She's kind. Painfully so. Messy. Painfully so. A worrier. Sarcastic' He smiles. 'Funny. Brave. I'm the one that'll start crying in a sappy film. Not her. She can be hard but if I write her a card and write a few sweet words she'll be guaranteed to tear up. She'd do anything for Ollie and Sawyer. She's the best Mum. Even when we didn't know what we were doing she, she got us through it. Not me. She gets me through everything. She always protects everyone' He takes a sharp breath then. His nostrils flare. 'I didn't protect her'

The Lawyer's eyes widen. She's seen this man angry, angry and well, angry. His tears take her off guard.

'I know what, what everyone's going to think. I'm not stupid. But Peyton is about truth and integrity. It's what our relationship is built on...' At least it was. 'She's lied to me over the last few months. She's lied and tried her hardest to deal with this by herself because she was trying to protect me and our family. Her lies came from that. Not because the reality was she was having an affair'

'So Dan's accusations weren't a surprise to you?'

He sniggers. 'Not in the slightest'

'How was Peyton's relationship with Nathan?'

'They got on. She stood up for him, tried to be supportive. That's who she is'

'They were friends?'

'Yes. That's how I'd have described it.'

'But that evidently changed at some point. You must've noticed that change?'

'I...I didn't notice a lot of things. I missed so many signs. I just knew something was wrong with her. I thought it was me. I thought I'd done something. Now that I know though I...there were so many conversations where it's abundantly clear to me...My brother raped her...All I want to come out of this trial is that that fact alone is no longer up for debate'


	6. Chapter five

**Chapter Five.**

 _'I'm sorry Peyt'_

 _She frowns. Shakes her head. Curls her fingers into the lapels of his suit jacket. 'Will you stop' She chides._

 _'I know you don't wanna be here'_

 _'No more than you do but I know why we are babe. You know I'd go anywhere with you'_

 _'Mm. You shouldn't though. One of us suffering through a day of this is bad enough' He grumbles._

 _'It's not gonna kill us is it? It's your Dad. It's not an appocoylpse'_

 _'I dunno about that...you know how I feel about him'_

 _'Uhuh. And I whole heartedly agree. But Nate's not a little boy. He can make his own decisions honey, you can't blame everything on Dan'_

 _'I know. I just...'_

 _'Feel bad that you've not been as close whilst we were in LA. I know' She strokes his cheek. 'But we're back now and we'll help him get back on his feet again. You go talk to Dan. Convince him to give him the money. I'll go find Nate'_

 _'You're the best'_

 _'Oh. I know. You're totally making it up to me later'_ _He smiles at the glint in her eye. Knows what that look means. 'You're so hot in a suit. Did I tell you that?'_

 _'Oh, just a few times in the last hour' He laughs._

 _'I think this needs to come out more often' She presses a chaste kiss to his lips._

 _He smirks. 'Deal. If you wear this' He tugs on the royal blue dress. 'You're so hot right now. Sawyer liked it too'_

 _'Yeah' She frowns. 'I dunno if to be offended. She exclaimed that I looked beautiful in a way like it was a total shock to her'_

 _He laughs. 'It's just more...'_

 _'More what?'_

 _'Sophisticated?'_

 _'What're you saying Lucas Scott?' He's quick to shake his head at her tone._

 _'Nothing! You look hot in everything. Anything. I'm just saying it's Dan Scott Mayor of Tree Hill Fundraiser attire and Sawyer isn't use to seeing you in it. How did I become the one getting that look. You're mad at our kid. Not me'_

 _'Mm'_

 _'You're hot. I'd fuck you right here if I knew you'd let me'_

 _Her eyes widen at his coarse language that feels oh so inappropriate given that it's 2pm and they're stood in a garden full of his father's friends._

 _Her cheeks redden and he laughs. 'Not funny' She shoos his hands away. 'We're getting distracted. The sooner you go talk to Dan the sooner you get to take me home and take the stupid dress off' He's quick to retreat at her words and she rolls her eyes as he hurries away._

 _She weaves her way around the Scott property. She's not been here in a good while but not a lot has changed. Finding Nathan isn't hard either. He's predictably hiding away inside his father's study where there's a private drinks cabinet and privacy._

 _She inspects him for a moment. Her husband had informed her of the changes just days ago when he'd met his brother She's still a little stunned. He's more unkempt. His face more chiseled than when she last saw him. It's been at least a few years but he's aged significantly. She's sure a good hair cut and shave would make all the difference. That and perhaps if he stopped drinking quite so much. She presumes the whiskey in his hand isn't his first._

 _'Hi stranger' She greets from the doorway._

 _'Peyton' He smiles. Stands. Meets her half way._ _She hugs him tightly. Kisses his cheek._

 _'You look nice'_

 _She smiles. 'I thought I'd try and make myself presentable for Daddy dearest's fundraiser' She drawls._

 _'Mmm. I didn't have the same sentiment'_

 _'No'_ _His brow kinks at her agreeing. 'I mean, I just-'_

 _His laughter cuts off her mumbling. 'Sawyer it's fine'_

 _She rolls her eyes. 'It's confusing when you call me that'_

 _'It's confusing when you give your kid your surname' He corrects. 'Luke showed me pictures of them two the other day. It's ridiculous. They were this high the last time I saw them' He demonstrates._

 _'That's what happens when you don't visit for four years'_

 _He looks sheepish then. 'It works both ways'_

 _'Oh? We've not invited you out to see us? We've not been back here in the holidays? We've not tried to set up dates with you? You always bail' She accuses._ _He's not use to being called out. 'Sorry' She mutters._

 _'No, no you're right' He concedes. 'I've had...stuff'_

 _'Yes. I know' She reaches for his hand then. Squeezes. 'It's a fresh start. Kay? I'd like Sawyer and Ollie to have an actual relationship with their Uncle Nate'_

 _He nods. 'Yeah I...I'm gonna do better. I am'_

 _'Good. So why're you hiding away in here? Shouldn't you be scouting the party for your girl of the night' She's teasing but they both know there's truth to her jibe._

 _'I think this' He holds his glass up. 'Can offer me better company than the turn out'._ _She peers out the window. He's not wrong. She doesn't like to be judgemental but she knows this crowd. It's not her thing. These people have money. A lot of money. And they like it. They're pretentious and quite frankly boring. They're people that like to bow down at their Mayors feet as though he's Royalty. Something she's ardently against._ _'He can fundraise for the fucking town but he can't help his own fucking blood out'_

 _'Luke is talking to him'_

 _'It's pointless. You know it is. He has zero faith in me'_

 _'Well you've given him reason to not exactly trust you haven't you? You'll just have to prove him wrong. We'll find a way ok? I promise. But you've gotta help yourself. That fight last month was ridiculous- you're showing the world that nothing has fucking changed. The last thing you need right now is bad publicity'_

 _'I know' He utters curtly. 'I wasn't thinking. You don't understand how hard the last few years have been Peyton'_

 _'No. You'd have to talk to us in order for that to happen. I'm sorry we've not been here for you Nate. I wish you'd felt like you could have a conversation with us about it. We might've been able to help'_

 _'It's embarrassing' He huffs. 'I'm living back at my Dad's. Also embarrassing'_

 _'It's temporary. You can turn everything around. You did a shitty thing at seventeen. You came back from that'_

 _'This isn't a point shaving scandal and I'm not a kid anymore. It's not so easy to brush under the rug'_

 _'No it's not as easy' She acknowledges. 'But lord knows you've not had it easy have you? I mean with that as your father' She nudges his side, her head nodding toward the man in question and her husband that she can just make out on the far patio in the distance, engrossed in deep conversation._

 _'Luke turned out alright'_

 _'Luke had a completely different upbringing'_

 _'Luke had you'_

 _She snorts._ _'Keith and Karen made him the man he is Nate. Not me'_

 _He's at the cabinet on the far side of the room. Retrieves a glass for her 'You still a gin girl?'_

 _'Uhuh. That's never changing' She smiles as he makes her a drink. He tops up his whiskey. 'So you're just planning to sit in here and drink today huh?'_

 _'And disappoint father by not being the drunk of the party?'_ _She sighs. Stays silent._ _'You're not gonna reprimand me?'_

 _'I think it would be a waste of breath' She utters. 'How's your back?'_

 _'Alright' He hands her her drink. 'Not good enough for anyone to sign me'_

 _'You should look into coaching. Until you're completely back on your feet. Help kids'_

 _'There's no knowing it's ever gonna be normal Peyton'_

 _'Yes but you can't think like that. You've come so far Nate. At one point they didn't think you'd even walk again. And if that is the case, that you can't play professionally, you putting your skills to use and helping kids will give you a different focus until you figure out what your next plan is'_

 _'You think anyone is gonna hire me to coach kids? A thieving, ex basket ball pro who wound up putting a team mate in a coma and ruined his own back whilst he was at it?'_

 _'I wasn't suggesting you lead with all that...And see what's great is you happen to have a brother that has many contacts in the area who I'm sure could hook you up'_

 _'...You're a good Mum' He notes suddenly._

 _'What?' She's not sure where that came from._

 _'Ollie and Sawyer are lucky. You know that?'_

 _'I definitely wasn't great this morning when I burnt breakfast, shrunk Sawyer's favourite sweater and I'm in Ollie's bad books indefinitely because I told him he couldn't go visit his girlfriend for another three weeks' She confides. 'But thanks'_

 _He laughs. 'Wow, yeah. So glad I don't have any of that to deal with'_

 _'Mmhm. But they're also the best part of my day...do you think you might want it one day?'_

 _'Kids?'_

 _'A family'_

 _He sniggers. 'We're not all cut out for that. We don't all marry the same person we've been dating since we were kids'_

 _'No...I think it's different for everyone though. We all go on different paths. Some of us fall in love once. Some more than once'_

 _'Some never'_

 _She becomes saddened by his muttered words. Wonders how things would've worked out differently had Nathan Scott found some nice girl to settle down with. Wondered if his life could've been completely different. 'Never say never Nate. You never know what's right around the corner'_ _She twists her head then. The music drifting in from outside garnering her attention. 'Oh I love this one! Dance with me' She demands, sets her drink down and confiscates his._

 _'I don't dance'_

 _'Don't be a baby. It's just me' She takes one of his hands and twirls around in front of him._

 _'Isn't this what your husband is for?' He protests, his eyes following the line of her dress as it flares out._

 _'My husband is preoccupied so you'll just have to do won't you'_

 _He huffs but there's a slight smile on his face._

 _She's singing along to the words one minute and then the next laughing at how his body is barely moving in contrast to hers._

 _'God you're worse than Luke' She holds onto his shoulders. Shakes. 'Relax'_

 _He stops moving altogether. Stares at her._

 _'No? Okay, okay. This isn't your thing. I'm sorry, we can stop' She turns to retrieve her drink but he spins her back. 'Or keep trying' She laughs, assumes he'd just been attempting to twirl her._ _But then his other hand is on her face and her eyes dart back up to him._ _He's close. Too close. Her stomach knots. 'What're-'_

 _He kisses her. Her body is momentarily addled. It takes her a second to comprehend what's happening because there'd been no warning. No signs that had led her to see this coming. Not from her point of view anyway._

 _She shoves against him hard. Breaks free, h_ _er hand snapping out, palm sounding loudly against his cheek._

 _He blinks. Is taken aback._

 _Her arm trembles as it retracts. She's jarred by his actions and she's just as surprised by how her hand had just sprung out to strike him. 'I...' She swallows. 'Sorry' She apologises for the sharp slap. Shakes her head suddenly, isn't sure why she's saying sorry. She's not sorry. 'What the fuck Nate?' She breathes_ _out in shock, distress and anger._

 _'I thought...'_

 _'What?!'_

 _'I'm sorry' He groans. 'I...I've been drinking all day. You're fucking gorgeous as always' There's a small bleary smile on his lips with his confession. 'You wanted to dance' Her eyes expand. She's definitely not sorry for his red cheek. 'Come on don't be pissed'_

 _Her brow raises. She takes another hasty step back. 'You think code for make out is dance?! I like the fucking song. You were miserable. I was trying to make you feel better. I'm. Your. Sister-in-law'_

 _'I know, I know'_

 _'Do you?! Because any sane person wouldn't try and kiss their sister-in-law!' She growls. 'Luke is out there trying to convince your father to lend you money and you-'_

 _'Don't tell Luke'_

 _'We don't do secrets Nathan. We're grown ups. I tell him everything'_

 _'Come on, don't...don't_ _ruin it. He'll, he'll be pissed'_

 _'Damn right he will._ _He's my husband'_

 _'And he's my brother. Please Peyton I, I've just, I need him right now'_

 _'Then I suggest you take every bit of fucking advice he gives you because he's committed to helping you. Why do you think we're here right now? For you! It sure as hell isn't for Dan!'_

 _'Peyt-'_

 _She bats his hand away as it attempts to touch her. 'Do not touch me right now'_

 _'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry'_ _She closes her eyes. 'Please Peyton. Really I am. You won't tell Luke will you? Please. I'm sorry' He suddenly sounds oh so pathetic. She opens her eyes. Realises how drunk he actually is and the desperate expression on his face has her back to feeling sorry for him despite her fury at his actions._

 _'Just go and fucking sober up Nathan'_ _His hands are in his hair. He hesitates. Opens and closes his mouth. 'Go' Her bark sends him on his way._

 _She watches him leave. Takes a shaky breath of relief when she's on her own. She swallows. Her mouth is suddenly dry. She closes her eyes tight. Replays their interaction. Wonders if she just caused that. Wonders what she did that gave him the impression she wanted that._

 _'Peyt?'_ _She jumps a mile. Has no clue how long she's been standing their by herself. Lucas laughs loudly. 'Sorry. Just me'_

 _She smiles. 'You frightened the life outta me jackass' She hits him lightly as his arms encircle her waist. She melts back into him._

 _'Sorry' He murmurs. 'Where's Nate?'_

 _'He..' She bites her lip. 'He's drunk'_

 _'Seriously?' Lucas rolls his eyes despairingly. 'The one thing I said to him yesterday. Don't get wasted'_

 _'How did it go with Dan?' She changes the subject._

 _'It coulda gone better but it wasn't the worst. He said he'll lend him half. Maybe us and Mum and Keith can scramble the rest together'_

 _'Mm'_

 _'Are you alright?'_

 _She hesitates. 'I'm fine. I just...'_

 _'Missed your husband?'_

 _'Mm' She agrees, turns around in his hold. 'Really missed him. Take me home?'_

 _'You think we should make Nate come for dinner?'_

 _'No' She disagrees. 'I don't want the kids to see him in the state he's in right now'_

 _'That bad?'_

 _'He needs to sleep it off for sure'_

 _He sighs. Drops his forehead to hers. 'Sorry. I thought you were getting the better end of the deal in here' His hands rub her hips. 'What you say we get take out and I'll run you a bath?' He hums._

 _'Mm. Yes. I like the sound of that a lot' She kisses him then. Hard. Until she's breathless and she knows he's moments from shutting the study door and pushing her up against the wall. 'I really, really love you Luke. You know that right?'_

 _'Mm. When you kiss me like that it's a little hard to forget. Come on Peyton Scott. Home. Now'_

•••

'They want to talk to Sawyer'

'What?'

'The police. They want to talk to her about that night'

'She was with Mum and Keith-'

'No. Not the night he died, when he...'

His jaw tenses. 'Why? What can she possibly shed light on? No. Absolutely not.'

'I...it's not like I can stop them is it? Should I talk to her? Tell her what they're going to ask her about. Obviously not tell her everything but...' She claws her hands into her hair then. 'Christ she's just a kid'

'You don't need to tell her anything. She doesn't know anything. They have rules when it comes to kids right? There's only so much they can say to her'

'They can put words in her mouth. I yelled at her Luke' She whispers. 'I...I...she came downstairs and I didn't know how long she'd been there. I didn't know if she'd seen. I yelled at her...'

He closes his eyes. 'Peyt-'

'What if she says that? Mummy got mad at me. Mummy quizzed me on if I'd been downstairs or not?'

'That doesn't imply anything other than you weren't ok baby'

'They'll imply I had a meltdown because I feared I'd been caught by my own daughter'

'Sweetheart stop. Just, just, you're overthinking everything'

She swallows. Nods. He's not wrong. She can't stop thinking. She wants to stop thinking. To stop replaying everything. For it all to just stop. She abruptly changes the subject.

'I had a scan the other day' He frowns. She misinterprets his expression. 'Sorry would you rather I didn't talk about it-'

'No. God no Peyt' He shakes his head vigorously. Is saddened that she's struggling to read him when it's always been such an effortless skill to interpret what each other is thinking. 'I want to know. I'm just so sorry. I should, I should've been there. It kills me that I'm not there with you'

It's her turn to shake her head now. 'It's ok. It's not your fault. Brooke came, I wasn't on my own'

'Good. That's good' He nods. 'Is everything alright? With you and the baby?'

'Everything's fine'

'Yeah?' He squints at her. 'You said last time you weren't putting on enough weight-'

'The Doctor said everything looks normal now' She averts her stare to the table. 'She said I could still terminate...' He swallows thickly. 'Before the last scan I thought I'd...I'd do that. But then Sawyer found out and I just...it's not just an it anymore, it's a baby. The heartbeat...I don't...I don't think I can Luke' She mumbles disjointedly.

'Baby we've been through this. I don't need you to do that. If it's what you desperately wanted then of course I would be on board but-'

'We, we'll have to wait until they're born to do a DNA test. There is a test but there are risks involved and-'

'I've told you. I don't even want to know. I'm going to be it's Dad either way. I don't need to know their DNA' He assertively cuts off.

She looks up then. '...Her...Not it'

He squints at her. '...A girl?'

'A girl' She echoes.

'...you found out'

'I think we've got enough unknowns going on right now right? I wanted to know'

His lip draws upward slightly. It feels unnatural. His smiles have been a rarity these days. 'That...that's' He inhales sharply. She notes the sudden tears glazing over his blue eyes. 'Another girl'

'Are you happy?'

'How couldn't I be sweetheart?'

'Oh I don't know, maybe because your wife could be pregnant with your brother's child' She mumbles.

He grits his teeth together. 'Please don't say that'

'You can't pretend this isn't happening Luke. Ollie asked me point blank the other day. I lied. I've never lied to him like that. He, he was looking at my stomach with such hatred. If her own brother despises her how is the rest of the world gonna treat her?'

'He won't hate her. He'll come round. He hates what was done to you. That's all. He's just a kid. He'll grow up and realise. I promise you he just needs time. She's gonna be loved. So loved'

'But you can't promise that! You might feel differently'

'I won't. I can promise that. She's a part of you. How couldn't I love her?' He disputes. A tear escapes. Races down her cheek. She hastily wipes it away. 'Stop thinking about what blood she has baby. She's ours. Ours' His hands itch to cross the table and touch her. Comfort her. But his words will have to suffice for now. 'You of all people should know that blood has nothing to do with being a good parent...Did you get pictures?'

She sniffles. 'Yeah' She reaches for her bag. Easily locates the bits of paper. 'Here'

He studies the images with great interest, his finger tracing the fuzzy outline of the growing baby. 'What did Sawyer have to say about having a sister?'

'She's...excited'

'I bet. I wish I'd seen her face'

'You can see her face Luke. She asks me everyday when can she come visit you. I know you don't want her seeing you in here but she needs-'

'No' He cuts off. 'No. I...I can't control Ollie but I don't want her seeing me in here Peyton. Not like this. I'm her Dad. She looks up to me-'

'She'll always look up to you. What if this isn't short term? Are you going to refuse to see her for the rest of her life?' She wonders harshly.

'This isn't long term' He utters with finality. 'I'll use my call on her later when she gets back from dance'

'I doubt she'll be going. She hasn't wanted to go the last few weeks'

'Why?' He frowns.

'I don't know. She just. I think the kids there have been giving her a hard time. She denies that but I dunno'

He exhales heavily. Feels responsible for yet more suffering on his kid's part. 'I'll try get out of her why...By the way, Dan is coming here Thursday so I need you to not come here then ok?'

'What?'

'You know I always want to see you sweetheart but I don't want you running into him and he keeps trying to see me. I'd rather just get it out the fucking way so he realises I'm done with him. He's not been by the house again has he?'

'No' She whispers. '...but I...he did speak to Sawyer the other day' She admits softly.

'What?' He grinds out.

'At school. At lunch. In the playground'

'What did he say?'

'He was asking about you. If she'd seen you. About me. If I was acting normally. He told her that no matter what happens he'll always be there for her'

'When were you going to tell me that?'

'I wasn't'

'Peyton' He sighs exasperatedly. 'You have to tell me this shit'

'What're you going to do about it from in here?'

'Fucking tell him to stay away from my family. Did you tell Sawyer if she sees him again she's not to talk to him?'

'He's her grandad-'

'No. Keith is and Larry was. Not Dan. If he comes near you or the kids again you have to tell me ok?'

'Fine' She agrees. 'If you promise not to loose it with him when he comes in here. You know our visitations will cease if you don't keep your cool don't you?'

'I promise' He looks back down at the ultrasound images on the table top. 'Can I keep this?'

'It's yours' She nods.

'Yes' He looks at her hard. ' _She_ is'


	7. Chapter six

**Chapter Six.**

 _'Hey_ _' He greets sheepishly._

 _'Hi' She doesn't look at him. Focuses on her son._

 _'He's good'_

 _'Of course he is. He takes after his Daddy' Peyton murmurs. She's nervous. She wants him to be especially good tonight. Wants him to impress his team mates. She's sure it'll help him settle in better. She feels guilty, guilty for putting him through this great big change in his last year. She remembers how tough being his age was without changing schools._

 _'Luke's forgotten he quit coaching huh? I'm surprised the actual coach hasn't knocked him out yet'_

 _'I'm sure Ollie will in a minute' She catches her teenager glowering at his father's interfering at that particular moment. Oliver's eyes soon seek her out. He gives her an exasperated look at which she shrugs helplessly. She knows it's too early to get involved. She knows her husband can't help himself, knows she needs to give him another ten minutes before she drags him away from the court sidelines and back to his place with the rest of the parents._

 _'Where's Sawyer? I was hoping to see her'_

 _'Down there. She's found a friend' She points out the eight year old that's knelt on the side of the court with a boy of a similar height._

 _'..._ _Peyton about...' He sighs. Watches her return her attention to the game. 'I was so drunk and outta line. I'm sorry'_

 _She snorts. 'Just a tad' She wraps her arms tight around herself. Wills Oliver to get this shot. It misses._

 _'I just...it was the drink'_

 _'Do you think being intoxicated is a valid excuse? If you can't make half sane choices whilst under the influence then you need to make the decision to stop'_

 _'I...I know. I'm trying'_

 _'Try harder'_

 _He nods. '...I will...Thank you...for not telling him'_

 _She's irritated in all of a heartbeat. Irritated that he's come here tonight. Irritated that he's chosen this moment to talk to her because she's meant to be concentrating on Oliver's game. Irritated that he thinks she's done him a favour._ _'I didn't do it for you' She spouts. 'I don't think you realise what Luke is like when it comes to me and anyone but him touching me'_

 _He rubs the back of his neck. She's wrong. He's seen his brother loose his temper in the past. There'd been a couple of incidents when they'd been especially younger that he'd witnessed his brother's fists pummel into anyone that tried it on with the blonde beside him. As he'd gotten older Lucas had learnt to control his temper but Nathan didn't doubt that if pushed he'd quite easily loose it. Peyton had been the one to curb his anger issues but she was also his world and if anyone dared to touch his world there would be trouble Nathan was sure._ _'I've got an idea'_

 _'Well you'll be wise to keep your fucking hands to yourself then won't you?'_

 _'Are you going to hate me forever?'_

 _'I don't hate you. I hate that you've made me have this thing that I'm keeping from Luke. I hate that you put me in this position and now I feel fucking awkward...I want us to be friends Nate. I want my kids to have a relationship with you'_

 _'I want that too'_

 _She looks at him then._ _'Luke is gonna be really pleased you're here. Go and make a fuss of your niece and show him you're the man he's sure you can be. I gotta go try and distract him before Ollie looses the plot' She walks down the bleachers with him. They reach the bottom and he points in Sawyer's direction._

 _'I'll catch up with you guys in a bit?'_

 _'Uhuh' She nods curtly. Watches him take a few steps._ _'Nate?'_

 _He looks back at her over his shoulder. 'It's Sawyer's ninth birthday next weekend. You'll come?'_

 _He smiles. 'Of course'_

 _'The invitation isn't extended to Dan'_

 _'Oh I know'_

 _She turns abruptly and he watches her approach her husband. Watches her block Lucas' view of the court. Wonders what she says that has him sulkily taking his wife's hand and letting her lead back to his place in the audience, not the sidelines. Watches her sit him down on the bench and perch on his lap so he's not tempted to disappear again and "help" the coach with his job. Her eyes briefly skitter back to him but her stare doesn't linger and he's quick to do as she instructed and find his niece. To start being the Uncle she deserves._

•••

She stares at the mirror behind the woman. 'Is someone watching us?'

The woman who has spent the last five minutes setting up some dolls on the table before them glances behind them. 'What makes you say that Sawyer?'

'They have pretend mirrors sometimes at police stations. My brother watches a lot of cop shows'

'We're not at a police station though Sweetie'

'But you are with the police. Mummy said so'

'Sort of. I just help them out every now and then... I just wanted to have a chat with you. Is that ok?' Sawyer's shoulders rise and fall then. 'Would you like to come and sit down?'

She doesn't. She doesn't want to be here. Doesn't understand why they had to come here at all. She hesitantly stalks over to the table and sinks onto the rainbow painted stool.

'Where's Mum?'

'Your Mum is just outside where we left her. She's not going anywhere without you sweetie. Do you know what I wanted to have a chat to you about?'

'My Dad is in prison. You think he killed my Uncle Nate' Her glare is powerful. 'But he didn't'

'I don't think anything. I'm just trying to find out the truth Sweetie'

'Well the truth is my Dad would never do that' She crosses her arms. 'My Dad would do anything for Uncle Nate'

'Yeah? They got on well then?'

'They're brothers. They argue sometimes but so do me and my brother. We always make up and so do they'

'You heard those arguments sometimes then huh?' She shrugs her shoulders again. 'Can you remember that day when you all went round your Grandad Dan's house Sawyer?'

'Daddy doesn't like me to call him that'

'No?'

'No. My Grandad is Keith. He looked after my Dad growing up. Not Dan'

'I see. So do you remember what night I'm talking about?'

'I remember...Dan wasn't there. Uncle Nate lived with Dan. That's why we were there'

'I see. Who was there?'

'Mum, Dad, Nana and Grandad and Uncle Nate'

'Can you tell me what happened that evening?'

'Everyone argued'

'Do you know what they were arguing about?'

'Uncle Nate had spent lots of money that they'd lent him. Everyone screamed at each other and then Nan and Grandad left and Dad did too'

'Mummy didn't?'

'Daddy thought we should wait there while he went to talk to Nana and Grandad'

'With Uncle Nate?'

'Yeah'

'What did you do whilst you waited?'

'I watched a film'

'Yeah? What film?'

'Inside out. It's my favourite'

'I like that one too. Who is your favourite character?' Sawyer looks down. Is smart. Knows this women is trying to be her friend. She doesn't want to be her friend. 'Mine is Joy'

'Anger' Sawyer sternly retorts.

The women swallows. 'Are you angry honey?'

'Yes. My Dad is in prison. I miss him'

'I know. I'm sorry sweetie' She shifts some paper in front of her then and a pot of pencils. 'You want to colour?'

'I'm not five' She pushes the pot back across the table.

'I heard you're quite the budding artist'

'I draw with my Mum'

'Yeah? Is she good?'

'She can draw anything'

'Wow. That's pretty cool. Did Mummy watch Inside Out with you?' Sawyer shakes her head. 'What was she doing?'

'Talking to Uncle Nate'

'In a different room?'

'Yes. In Dan's study for a bit'

'Could you hear them?'

'Yes. The study is next door to the lounge'

'What were they talking about?'

'I don't know. Mummy was angry'

'Yeah?'

'They'd given him money that I think was meant to be for me and Ollie. I don't know why they gave it him'

'When did you next see Mummy?'

'She went outside with Uncle Nate'

'Outside? What were they doing out there?'

'Smoking'

'Mummy smokes?'

'Sometimes. Dad gets mad with her when she does. She doesn't think I know but I do. She smells different after'

'I see. Did they come back inside?'

'Yes. I was tired so Mum took me upstairs and I went to sleep in the spare room'

'You went to sleep?'

'For a bit. I don't like Dan's house. It's creepy. I wanted to go home'

'So you went to find Mummy when you wanted to go home?'

'Uhuh'

'Where did you find her?'

'The kitchen'

'Was she by herself?'

'Uhuh'

'How was she?'

'...She yelled at me'

'Yeah? Why did she yell?'

'I...don't know...She was...sad...she was crying'

'She was?'

Sawyer pulls the pot of pencils back in front of her then. Pulls out a black and begins to scrawl her name. 'Do you know my name is actually my Mum's name?'

'It is?'

'Her name was Peyton Sawyer before she married Dad. Dad came up with it. He wanted me to be the both of them. Sawyer Scott'

'That's pretty cool'

'Mum never use to cry... She cries a lot now...she said she was just sad that everyone was arguing but...' Her shoulders shrug. 'She'd not been that upset before I went upstairs' She ponders. 'Why am I here? We're not talking about the day Uncle Nate was killed. We're not talking about Daddy. We're talking about some other day'

'I know it's confusing. I'm just trying to clear up a few things. So after you came downstairs and you found your Mum upset what happened then?'

'We went home. I wanted to call Dad but Mum said he needed to be with Nana and Grandad' She presses her pencil down hard. The led snaps. She shoves it away with a huff. 'Do you think Dad will come home before my little sister gets here?'

'I'm not sure sweetie...Did you get on with your Uncle Nate?'

'I guess. I'd not really seen him much till this year. He got me a water pistol for my birthday'

'That's pretty cool'

'Yeah. Ollie broke it the other week though' She exhales heavily. 'He said I can't have it anymore'

'Why do you think he said that?'

'I dunno. Mummy says he's just upset cause Dad isn't at home. That's why he's staying with Nana and Grandad. He doesn't like being at home without Dad there'

'I see...Did Mummy get on well with Uncle Nate Sawyer?'

'I guess'

'Did Mummy and Uncle Nate ever touch?'

'Touch?' Her brow furrows.

'When you and me met we shook hands huh?' Sawyer watches the woman as she demonstrates with two dolls. Looks at her like she's lost the plot. 'You'd probably hug a friend or perhaps a hug and a kiss someone you know real well huh?' She continues to mimic said actions with her figures. 'How would Mummy say hello to Uncle Nate?'

'I guess hug'

'Hug' She bends the dolls arms and Sawyer rolls her eyes.

'I know what hugging is thanks'

The woman quickly puts her little models down. Realises her efforts are only irritating the child before her. 'Right. Of course you do I just...so Mummy and Nate hugged?'

'Mum hugs everyone'

'How about kissing?'

Sawyer's nose scrunches up then. She's not stupid. She knows exactly what she's being asked 'On the lips?'

'Yes'

'No he's my Uncle' She's confused by these questions.

'Yes but sometimes Mummy's and Daddy's kiss other people'

'Mine don't. Mum only kisses Dad'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah. And it's gross. They do it all the time...' She glares across the table. 'I know what affairs are'

'You do?'

'I'm not a baby. My friend Lucy's Dad had an affair. Her parents are split up now'

'That can be scary can't it? Sometimes we lie just to try and keep our family together-'

'I'm not lying' She scowls. 'Mum only kisses Dad. She would never kiss Uncle Nate. That's gross. She loves Dad and he loves her. Mummy will only ever be in love with Daddy'

'I'm sure they do love each other Sawyer' The woman nods, thinks her expression is sympathetic. It's not. It's patronising. 'Did Mummy spend time with Uncle Nate by herself though?'

'No!'

'But they did that night? That night when you were upstairs in bed'

'I...I don't know'

'I see'

'Stop saying I see! I want to _see_ my Mum now'

'It's ok sweetie. I just have a couple more question-'

'No! Now' She doesn't like this room. She doesn't like all the toys. It's all a trick. A trick to make her say things and she doesn't want to say the wrong things. She doesn't know what the right things to say are though and her fear suddenly has her frantic to see her Mother. 'Mum!' She shrieks loudly. Her voice is the polar opposite to the subdued hum the woman before her has been confronted with during the last twenty minutes.

Peyton all but flies through the door a second later. 'I'm here. I'm here' Sawyer catapults herself across the room. 'What did you say to her?' Peyton bleats.

'We were just covering all the questions we ran by you Mrs Scott. I'm not quite done-'

'Yes you are! What did you say to her?'

'I wanna go home' Sawyer begs, wide eyes looking up at her pleadingly.

'We are. We are' Peyton grabs her daughters hand and all but marches her out of the room. Ignores the people on the other side of the door that beckon her over to talk and reschedule this meeting. She's done. She'd not wanted this in the first place, had been more than vocal on the matter. Had demanded she know the exact questions that would be asked but given her daughters distress she's not convinced their agreement had been met.

'Are-are we gonna get in trouble?'

'No-'

'They seemed mad Mum'

'Well screw them' Peyton opens the car door for the nine year old. 'Sorry. I'm just mad baby. You ok?'

Sawyer nods nervously as she gets into the car. 'I just want to go home'

'We are' Peyton shuts the door and goes round to the drivers side. 'What did she ask you?' She'd thought she'd be able to control herself and wait until they're back home but they've barely made it down the road when she's probing the child for information.

'She was asking me questions about you and Uncle Nate'

Peyton licks her lips. 'Yeah? What sorta questions?'

'Just stuff'

'Stuff' Peyton repeats. 'You don't wanna talk about it? You seemed pretty upset in there'

Sawyer stares out the window for a long minute. '...Were you having an affair with Uncle Nate Mum?'

Peyton's eyes skitter away from the road for a brief moment. Sawyer's gaze stays fixed straight ahead.

'What?'

'They asked me what happened that night that Daddy and Keith and Uncle Nate argued'

Peyton licks her lip before hastily making the decision to pull the car over because she's finding it impossible to be safe right now and keep her eyes on the road. She doesn't speak again until the hand break is safely on. 'What did you say?'

'I told them you were upset'

'Upset' Peyton's head bobs. 'Nothing else?'

Sawyer becomes nervous then. 'I said you were in Dan's study with Uncle Nate. I said that you went outside and...smoked with him'

Peyton's eyes widen then. 'I...'

'Daddy doesn't like it when you do that'

She gulps because she'd had no clue her daughter had witnessed that and it only makes the knots in her belly tighten because she wonders if there's other things she saw that night 'No. He doesn't. I'm sorry baby I, you shouldn't have seen me doing that. It's an awful thing to do. It's so stupid. Daddy is right to not want me to do that'

'I know he is. It's not good for you. You know you can get cancer from smoking?' She whispers.

'Right...I...I hardly ever do it though baby and I, I won't do it again'

'You always say that to Daddy'

Peyton blinks. Realises that her baby isn't so much a baby anymore. She can't be fooled. 'I can't do it anyway baby. Even if I wanted to. I wouldn't do that when I'm pregnant' She hastily steers the conversation back on topic. 'So...you, what else did you say?'

'That you yelled at me' Peyton's face crumples and she pinches the bridge of her nose. 'You told me to tell the truth. You did yell at me'

'Yes, I, I know. It's okay'

'Did I say the wrong thing?'

'No baby. No you did great'

'You keep calling me baby'

'Sorry. You don't like that?'

'You only do it when you're being sappy or you're scared' Peyton squints at her. Pauses for a moment. Wonders if her child's observation is accurate. 'You're not being sappy so you're scared'

'I'm not scared'

'Why did she ask me all those questions?'

'She, she was just doing her job. Sometimes people lie and to make sure people are telling the truth they try to ask as many people's versions of events as possible'

'They think you're lying?'

'No. No'

'Well why were they asking about that night?'

'I don't know'

Sawyer frowns. Knows she's being lied to. 'I'm not a baby. I heard Daddy yelling at you'

Peyton blinks. 'What?'

'He was mad at you'

'When? About what?'

'He said bad things'

Peyton gulps. 'I'm sorry you heard us arguing. It doesn't mean anything. Your Dad didn't mean anything he said. Nor did I' She's got an idea of what argument her daughter is referring to.

'He called you a...a bitch' Peyton closes her eyes. Grimaces.

'He didn't mean that he, he was so upset Sawyer. That doesn't mean it's okay but he was so confused and frustrated with me' She tries to explain away his behaviour. 'Daddy knows me better than anyone in the whole world and he, he knew I was keeping something from him. I know Daddy better than anyone in the whole world too and I know he only said that because he was heartbroken. People say things in the heat of the moment that they don't mean. He didn't mean it'

Sawyer blinks. 'Were you having an affair with Uncle Nate?'

'No. No' She sternly expels.

'What were you keeping from Daddy then?'

Peyton flounders for a moment. 'That's between me and him honey. It, it's grown up stuff and well, Daddy knows everything now'

'That lady was talking like you were having an affair'

She blinks. Doesn't like her daughter's suspicious stare. 'Look at me' She grabs Sawyer's face. 'I love Daddy. I'll only ever be in love with Daddy. Okay?! There will never, ever be anyone else for me. Is that clear?'

'That's what I told her'

'Yeah?' Peyton smiles, her eyes watery. She drops a kiss to her daughter's forehead before sitting back in her seat.

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing, nothing'

'You're crying'

'I just...I, I wish you didn't have to do that today baby- I didn't have a choice'

'It's ok'

'No. It's not. You're just a kid'

'I'm not a baby anymore Mum. I can handle it'

Peyton smiles sadly. 'No. You're not a baby' She agrees.

'...Did... Dad kill Uncle Nate?' Peyton inhales sharply. 'If he didn't why is he in prison? Why are you and Ollie fighting really? Why are you mad at Nana and Grandad? Why aren't I allowed to talk to Dan?' Peyton wonders when the nine year old became quite so observant. Wonders how many snippets of conversations she's heard in recent weeks. Wonders what impact this is all having on her.

'Daddy didn't do anything wrong' She whispers. 'Please don't doubt that'

'But why do they think he did?!'

'I...I don't know honey'

'I don't understand! Why would anyone hurt Uncle Nate?...Mum?'

'...Nathan had a lot of problems'

'With money'

'Yes. And other things'

'What things?'

'Just...just things'

'I heard Dan say it was your fault'

'What?'

'To Ollie'

'What? When?'

'The other night. Ollie likes sitting in his car outside our house'

'What?'

'I told him he should come in but he says he likes pretending he's a cop' She shrugs her shoulders. 'Was it your fault? That Uncle Nate got killed? Did you do it?'

'No baby'

'Why would Dan say it's your fault?'

'He's angry and confused...I know you're angry and confused too baby. I...I wish I could make this all better. I, I'm sorry'

'...Daddy is coming home right? He will be back for when the baby comes right?'

Peyton looks into her innocent little face. Wishes she was a few years younger and she could distract her with ice cream and white lies. Her hair is in a french braid and her face suddenly doesn't look quite as round as it once had when her hair was scraped back. She's loosing that baby fat. She's growing up and she's got questions. Billions of questions that Peyton doesn't want to answer because answering is being honest and she can't handle the truth. '...I don't know Sawyer. I hope so but I...I don't know'


	8. Chapter seven

**Chapter Seven.**

 _He's been giving her that look all day._

 _She knows that look._

 _Knows what he wants. Has been worrying about it for the last week because it's rare that they go this long without being intimate. And she doesn't want him to think she doesn't want him. Knows that her stand offishness, her avoidance of this is only going to be sending alarm bells ringing in his head. Because he knows her._

 _'Mm. You're beautiful' He's cornered her in their bathroom. He's standing behind her and she hates everything about how his hands are rubbing her hips. She abruptly moves out of his hold, a strained smile on her lips as she moves back into the bedroom._

 _He's hot on her tail._

 _It's been 17 days since he last touched her. It's been days but it feels like weeks. He's not sure what's been up with her. He knows she's not on her period. Has already spent time calculating if her aversion to his touch is down to that. He doesn't think they've ever gone this long without being with each other asides from that god awful waiting time after their children's births._

 _'Did you say goodnight to Sawyer?' She wonders. She's standing before the dressing table trying to undo her necklace. She's trying to distract him. She's trying to avoid what she knows is coming._

 _'Uhuh. Let me' He answers shortly, taking over the task. He doesn't want to talk about their daughter right now._

 _He takes his sweet time. Fingertips lingering, h_ _is lips soon finding her neck. She closes her eyes. Can't watch their reflection in the mirror before them because she's thinking about things that she doesn't want to._

 _'I want you so bad Peyt' She knows. He emphasises his point by guiding her hand behind her, pressing her fingers to his tight jeans. He murmurs into her shoulder. 'Do you know how long it's been?'_

 _Unlike him, she's not been counting the days since they were last intimate. She's been counting the days since she last did this. 16. Not 17. Only she can't liken that to anything she's ever done with the man behind her. It's not the same. Not in anyway. This is her husband. She loves this man. But she's suffocating. She's not turned on by his endeavours. Is painfully aware that she'd usually be making every effort. She's never not wanted his hands on her. Has never not wanted to touch him. She forces herself to stay still, not to snatch her hand away from him. Forces herself to try and satisfy his lust._

 _'You're so hot in this' He pants. 'I wanted to fuck you right there in the fucking kitchen this morning when you walked in' He catches her eyes widen in the mirror. He smirks. 'Don't look so shocked, you knew exactly'_ _He doesn't recognise the look that follows._

 _'I knew?' She mutters, pulls her hand away from him and turns around to face him._

 _'You know this dress is my favourite'_

 _She looks down at herself. She's been walking around in a daze. Blindly navigating her way through the days. She's wearing the first thing her hands had come into contact with in the wardrobe without assessing what it was. A mistake she now realises because her choice of attire clearly suggests that she's game for this. She's not._ _'Why?'_

 _'Why?' He mumbles. He's quickly becoming distracted as he watches his hand mould over her svelte form._

 _'Why is it your favourite?' She presses._

 _'Well' He murmurs, a smile in his voice. 'Your eyes seem to actually sparkle when you wear green' His fingertips run over her collarbone. 'And your legs go on forever. They're just asking to be here' his free hand hooks her leg up over his thigh. She gasps. Her hand grapples behind her for the dressing table to steady herself. He laughs. 'I've got you' He shifts closer. 'You've been killing me. You know that?' She takes an exaggerated breath because he's getting more handsy. 'I can't bear not being able to touch you'_

 _'I'm sorry' She whispers._

 _He shakes his head. 'Don't be sorry, I know you've been stressed baby. I'm not a fan of this whole not talking to me thing you've been doing' She concentrates on his words not the finger tips that keep brushing the underside of her breast or squeezing the back of her thigh._

 _'I'm sorry...I've just been...distracted...I know this is home but we've not been here for a long time. It's still an adjustment'_

 _'Are you regretting it?'_

 _'No...no...I don't know. It's just...I miss LA...Ollie does too. He's been miserable since we got here'_

 _'He's getting there. You're allowed to miss LA. It's gonna take a while for us all to feel settled hey?' He strokes her cheek. 'Don't shut me out' He nuzzles his nose against hers. Stares deep into her eyes for a moment and it scares her because she's sure he can see into her head sometimes. So she kisses him. It's gentle at first but his tongue is soon dipping into her mouth. She wants to ease out of his hold. Run away. But she knows she's done a poor job of behaving normally over the last two weeks. She wants to be normal. So she kisses him back. Ignores the unfamiliar tight knot in her belly._

 _Kissing Lucas Scott is perhaps her favourite pass time but she's not present. She's just going through the motions. Tries her very hardest to be herself. And for a while at least she's convincing._

 _He's got her over to the bed and is laying her down when her racing mind has her speaking. 'What...what did you mean before?'_

 _'Huh?' He pulls his t-shirt off and tosses it behind him._

 _'My dress. You said my legs are asking to be...' Her voice is small. 'Is it too short?'_

 _'Mm. Far too short' He teases. She doesn't answer. He looks into her frowning face. 'What? In a good way'_

 _'Is it inappropriate?'_

 _'What?' He chortles. Shakes his head. Eagerly crawls up her. 'Oh so inappropriate' He smirks. Tries to silence her with a kiss._

 _'I'm serious. Do you think other...people think the same?'_

 _'As in do men look at you and want to fuck you?' He kinks his brow. 'Most fucking definitely' She grips the bedsheets below her to stop herself from pushing against his shoulders as he cages her against the mattress. 'But you're mine. No one elses'_

 _She doesn't give him her normal reply when he says those familiar words. Doesn't emphatically agree. Doesn't say yes and you're mine._

 _'I...I didn't...' She's reeling. Focused on the impact her clothing might have on other men._

 _'Didn't realise?' He's confused. 'You didn't realise you're hot?' He jerks her further down the bed and she gasps as he rests his weight on her. 'Liar. You know exactly how hot you are'_

 _Her nose prickles. She doesn't like the picture he's painting. Has the urge to throw all her clothes into a fire. Wants to wear sweats and baggy t-shirts until the end of time 'I won't wear it again'_

 _'What?! Why?!' He glares. He expected some sassy remark not the uncertainty and worry that greets him._

 _'I don't want people looking at me like that, I don't want to encourage anyone to look at me like that'_

 _'What are you on about?! Peyton you could be wearing a fucking trash bag and I'd still witness every guy you walk past check you out. It's been that way since we were kids. That's not changing' His words don't placate her. '...what's wrong?'_

 _'Do you think I look like a slut?'_

 _'What's gotten into you? Has someone said something about how you dress?'_

 _'I just never really thought about it before. I just wear stuff that I like. That you like-'_

 _'That's how it should be. Fuck anyone else...' He rubs her thigh. 'This is my favourite. You're not allowed to stop wearing it' He beseeches her. 'You're so tense. You need to switch off. I'm gonna make you feel so good ok?' He coaxes her mouth back to his. His kisses have more purpose now. She's analysing everything. She's never analysed this. It's always just been natural and at this point they'd been together so long they seemed to know each others bodies better that their own. Which is why her stiff form isn't going unnoticed. He assumes she's still hung up on the clothes topic. 'You always look beautiful...This isn't too short... If I really thought what... you were wearing... was ina...ppropriate I'd... tell you wouldn't I?' He hums between peppering kisses down her neck. His hand slips beneath said dress then and as his fingers near their destination her panic swells and any last efforts of pretending are lost; she falls apart because despite his desperation for her she can't do this._

 _Her hand shoots out as his palm reaches her underwear and touches her like he has so many times before and yet it's not him. 'Stop, Stop' She can't do it. Her fingers dig into his arm in her haste to get him away._

 _He startles. 'Ouch Peyt' He hastily shifts his hand away from her, his brow furrowed. 'What's wrong?' Her hands are quick to cover her face. Quick to try and conceal her tears. 'Hey, what's the matter?' He shuffles off of her to lay at her side._

 _'I-I don't want t-to' She chokes out. That much is already apparent to him._

 _'Okay' He just doesn't understand why. He's always been good at sensing when she's not in the mood. Knows when not to try anything._

 _'Don-don't hate me'_

 _'Peyt' Now she's being absurd. He tugs her hands down from her face. 'What's wrong?'_

 _'No-nothing'_

 _'Nothing. Right, so you're crying for no apparent reason?'_

 _'I just, I don't want you to be m-mad...' She teeters with telling him the truth in that moment._

 _'Why would I ever be mad at you?'_

 _She inhales exaggeratedly. Looses her nerve. 'You want to'_

 _'Not if you fucking don't I don't' There's nothing less appealing to him; her just going along with it because he wants to. 'Clearly you don't. Don't you feel well?' She doesn't say anything. 'Peyt I'm not a mind reader' He murmurs. Strokes her hair back from her face. He's frustrated because he's never encountered this before. He's never not known what's upsetting her. Has always been able to determine the cause of her upset and he can't bear it because this isn't just now. Isn't just tonight. 'Sweetheart talk to me'_

 _'I'm..tired'_

 _'Why're you pushing me away?' He's irritated now. 'This is what I was talking about; you not talking to me. I can't fix anything if I don't know what the problem is'_

 _'This is-isn't something you can fix'_

 _His eyes narrow 'So there is something'_

 _'I told you-'_

 _'This isn't about us moving You wanted to come back here more than me. I know you miss things but I know you want to be here. Have I done something? I've done something haven't I?' He determines._ _Her head shakes vigorously then._ _'No? You're clearly mad at me. You've been mad at me for the last two weeks'_

 _'I'm not mad at you'_

 _'Well it really feels like you are'_

 _'Just because I don't wanna have sex right this second doesn't mean I'm mad at you-'_

 _'It's the baby thing isn't it?'_

 _'What?' She's startled by his question._

 _'You're mad at me about not wanting another one. But I...I said I'd think about it. And if, if you still want to after Christmas why don't we talk about it again then. We've just moved, I've got this book deadline for the end of the year. I just, I'd rather wait till after then so I can focus on you and just you'_

 _He's saying yes to another child and she hates his timing because he's wrong. He's so wrong. He's never been wrong before. Not when it comes to her. But he is._

 _'I don't want another one'_

 _'What?' Now he's really confused because she's bought the topic up on a handful of occasions in recent months._

 _'I changed my mind. You were right'_

 _'What made you change your mind?' He's kind of warmed up to the idea and she can tell by the disappointed expression on his face._

 _'You said no-'_

 _'I didn't say no'_

 _'Yes you did'_

 _'To begin with yes but I said I'd think about it didn't I?'_

 _'Well in the meantime I came to terms with no. I don't want another one. It's bad enough worrying about Ollie and Sawyer all the time'_

 _'That's ridiculous' He frowns because he knows her. Knows when she's made her mind up about something there's no changing it. Knows that she's been longing for this for more time than he knows. Knows she can't possibly have changed her mind. It doesn't make sense. 'It was only a few weeks ago that you bought it up again-'_

 _'I changed my mind' S_ _he sits up then. Swings her legs off the bed. 'I'm allowed to change my mind'_

 _'Where're you going?'_

 _She can't stay in this room any longer. She's scared to be alone with him. Scared because it feels like he's not going to drop this and she can feel mean comments simmering in the back of her throat because she's nervous and frustrated and just so tired and she doesn't want to take this out on him._

 _'I'm going to check on Sawyer-'_

 _'Sawyer is fine. Peyton we're talking-'_

 _'Well I'm done talking' She snaps._

 _His brow shoots up at her tone. He watches her march out of their bedroom. Her hasty departure only fuels his concerns. He doesn't understand what's wrong. Nor what he just did to garner such an extreme reaction. She rarely fled. It hadn't always been that way. Not in the beginning of their relationship. She'd been queen of slamming doors and running. To the point that on one particular occasion he'd barricaded the door shut and had told her in not so many words that she could be mad at him, that she didn't have to talk to him right in that moment but she couldn't run away because it didn't solve anything. It only worried him and let her rage simmer all the longer. He had a point. So she'd learnt to hang around. Learnt to talk it out. But apparently she's forgotten that. He pinches the bridge of his nose. Does what he's been doing the last few days. Tries to think over everything he's said to her, tries to figure out what he's done to upset her._

 _He expects her to return but forty minutes pass and it becomes apparent she's not coming back so he goes in search._

 _She's in their daughter's room. Curled up and seemingly asleep with the nine year old._

 _He's tempted to gather her up in his arms and take her back to their room. To her rightful place. Because she doesn't belong here. She belongs with him._

 _Her decision to come in here doesn't sit well with him. They never went to bed annoyed at one another. It was a rule they'd made long ago. They'd stay up however long to resolve whatever disagreement they were having. Only this wasn't like that because he wasn't convinced he knew what they were disagreeing about. But whatever it was it was big enough for her to seek solace in their nine year old's bed to save being beside him. Something she'd never done before._

 _He swallows thickly. Adjusts the bedding._

 _'Luke' He jumps at her hoarse voice, his stare darting up to her face._

 _'Hi'_

 _'...I'm sorry'_

 _His hand flutters over her face. 'Me too...'_

 _'No. You didn't do anything. It was all me... Get in?'_

 _She shifts closer to their daughter to make room for him and he momentarily thinks this is ridiculous when they've got a king size bed down the hall but he squeezes onto the single bed just the same. Spoons her._

 _'She's so beautiful' Peyton murmurs._

 _'She's so like you' He holds her tightly. She doesn't shy away from him. Somehow his touch feels safe here. It's safe because she knows his hands won't wander far with their daughter beside them._

 _'...I wish we could keep her safe forever'_

 _'What?'_

 _'We can't protect her from the world. When she leaves us she's going to be out there by herself. Anything could happen'_

 _'We'll always protect her'_

 _'We can't be there every second. I couldn't bear anything bad happening to her Luke'_

 _'Nothing will. I'll always protect her. And Ollie. And you. I swear Peyt'_

 _His words nearly have her blurting that he didn't. But it's not his fault. Of course it isn't._

 _'...You can't' She whispers. 'She could trust the wrong person. Be in the wrong place at the wrong time...'_

 _'Peyt' He urges her face away from their sleeping angel so he can see her eyes. 'Stop'_

 _'Not all people are like you Luke. There are bad people out there that think it's ok to just take and-'_

 _'Enough' He cuts her off because her words are painting a morbid picture and he can't think of his daughter being harmed. 'She's nine. We don't have to worry about her going off into the world yet. She's safe. And so are you'_

 _She swallows. '...I'm sorry I'm being weird. I'm sorry about earlier'_

 _He runs his thumb over her bottom lip. 'Are you sure there's nothing you wanna talk to me about?'_

 _'...No...I'm probably due on my period' She kisses his hand, kisses the underside of his chin, turns completely away from their child to shelter in his arms. He doesn't tell her it's not her period even though he's thinking it. He knows that's not it. Is well versed in her moods, knows her typical behaviour that sometimes can come with a period. It's not this. 'I'm sorry I've been such a moody cow'_

 _'I'm worried about you Peyt'_

 _'Don't be. I promise I'm ok'_

 _He sighs. Is grateful that she's curled herself around him at the very least. Holds her tighter. 'You really changed your mind about the baby thing?'_

 _'I don't know. Can we talk about it later?'_

 _He wants to talk about it now but he's scared it's going to end in the same way as it did an hour ago and he doesn't want her to run again '...Ok...I love you Peyton'_

 _'...You promise?'_

 _'Always. Always and forever'_

•••

'This needs to stop now'

Lucas stares at him. He's not said a word. His hands clasp his knees as he makes a conscious effort to stop himself from lurching over the table that separates them.

'What's done is done. You have to face what you did but you also need to acknowledge that she's the reason you're here. She's the reason your brother is dead. You need to tell them that. You need to tell them what she is-'

'The only reason I've agreed to see you is to tell you to stop. To stop going near my family, leave Sawyer alone. Leave Oliver alone. You think he's going to side with his estranged Grandfather who is choosing to make such vile comments about his mother?' His voice is low. 'Stop contacting me. Stop coming here. I don't want anything to do with you'

Dan adjusts his tie. Sits back in his chair. 'I've said nothing but the truth. I saw her Luke. At my annual party. They were kissing in my study' He stares at his remaining son. Something reminiscent of sympathy in his expression that unsettles Lucas. 'You need to face up to her lies. She poisoned you against your own brother. He can't be blamed for giving into her advances. He's only human and you know how vulnerable he was'

'Now you're making up lies too! You're unbelievable!'

'You're completely blinded by love for a two timing whore that-'

Lucas slams his hand down on the table then. 'Call her that again and I swear-'

'You need to wake up and see her for what she is-'

'She's my wife! And she's a victim. That's what she is. My brother. My flesh and blood. Your son. He held her down and raped her in your house. She told him no. She told him to stop and he didn't listen. And my little girl! Your grandaughter was just upstairs! How can you not care about that?!'

'I care Luke. I care that Nathan's name is being tarnished. He's not here to defend himself-'

'Because he was a fucking coward that wasn't willing to face up to what he did. I asked him to hand himself in. If he had none of this would have happened. You didn't care about him! You're trying to step up now? Now that he's gone' He snorts at the absurdity. 'You're not though are you? This has got nothing to do with you trying to protect him and his name because you've never done that! You don't care about his name. You care about yours and yours is being tarnished. That's what this is about isn't it? People thinking badly of the Mayor of Tree Hill that bought up a rapist' He stares at the man across from him in utter disdain. 'You know he was capable don't you? You know deep down in your heart that he did this' He's more sickened by that. He thinks perhaps he'd hold a modicum of respect for him if he was truly fighting for his son. If he truly believed he'd been innocent.

'It's an elaborate story. Nothing more'

'An elaborate story' Lucas nods disbelievingly. 'Do you know that since that night I've watched her torture herself. I've watched my wife disappear into just a shell of herself. And she tried! She tried so fucking hard to be normal for me. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't! She wouldn't let me touch her. She was sleeping all the time. And lying. She wouldn't talk to me! And me being the stupid idiot I am, you know what I did? I confided in him! Nate sat there and listened to me worry about her. Listen to me worry that I was loosing my wife. And all the while he knew! He knew what he'd done and went the extra mile to make her feel like she made it happen!'

Dan sighs. '...you weren't there Luke. You don't know what happened'

'And you were were you?' He snaps.

'You don't know if it was one night or maybe it was going on until you found out. Do you really think he'd have hung around if he'd done that to her? He hung around because he thought she might leave you for him. Because she had an affair Lucas. You need to accept that'

'I. know. What. Happened' Lucas growls. 'Because unlike you I know what love is. I know her. I know her on a level that you've never known anyone'

'I know how you love her son. I get it, I do. Understandably such betrayal is hard to handle, hard to really accept...I know exactly, your own mother-'

'Do not talk about you and Mum right now. Just fucking don't'

'...she did it didn't she? Peyton killed him' Lucas blinks. 'I know you didn't do it. You're incapable. Even under the circumstances'

'You don't know me though Dan. I would do anything, anything for her'

'Yes. Such as going down for a crime you didn't commit. I can see there's no point us discussing this any further today' He rises from his seat. 'I can help get you out of here but I can only do that if you pin this all on her'

Lucas laughs then an shakes his head.

'Think about it son...trust me. I'll find out the truth. One way or another'

'You know who's responsible for this. All of it?...You' His eyes burn into the man he's come to hate so much over the years. 'You failed him. He needed help a long time ago. I was too late. If you'd not let him down, if you'd been there for him perhaps he would've turned out differently. But no, you only ever pushed him to do things that you'd benefit from, he was too young when you sent him off to be a great basket ball star. He needed to be in school. He needed to grow. And then when he screwed up, when he failed you let him crumble... You did this. You'

The older man sighs. 'Ask her Luke. Ask her about the kiss at my party. I'm not lying'


	9. Chapter eight

**Chapter Eight. (Heads up- this chapter jumps around a bit more than usual so just a reminder- italics are flashback. Also- warning- this is definitely in the M department. I'll be changing the rating shortly!)**

'Dan came'

'Yes' She knows.

He licks his lips. 'I can't believe what lengths he's willing to go to. He said he saw you. He said he saw you and Nate kissing at his annual party'

She rises to her feet then, her arms move around herself protectively.

His brow furrows as he watches her walk to the barred window. She says nothing. Her reaction, her lack of words has an uneasy feeling forming in his belly. 'Peyton?'

'That's not what happened' She whispers. Looks at him nervously.

'What?' He grinds out.

'He...he did kiss me'

'What?'

'I...I didn't kiss him. Of course I didn't. He kissed me and then I hit him' Lucas squints at her in disbelief and she hurriedly carries on. 'I...I didn't tell you because he, he was drunk and you were trying to help him! I didn't think it meant anything and I knew it'd cause a huge row between you and him and I, I didn't want that. I know how much you getting that relationship back meant to you and I just thought...I never thought he...I thought it was all just...Don't be mad-'

'You keep lying to me' He breathes out.

'I didn't lie. I didn't tell you!' Her eyes briefly do a lap of the room to the other visitors because she's sure they're drawing attention. Attention she doesn't want.

'I could've..if I'd known he'd fucking tried it on with you I could've fucking stopped what he did to you Peyton!' He can't filter his thoughts in that moment. Rage is pulsing through his veins. Because there were signs. Signs that he'd been clueless to. That he shouldn't have been clueless to because she was meant to confide in him.

'Don't say that! Don't you think I don't already know?! Don't you think I've already spent enough time going over every little fucking second!' She hisses quietly. 'I don't need you telling me so. I know it's my fault! I know I made it happen! I asked him to dance with me' She mutters. 'I was just mucking about. I wasn't flirting, I swear I-'

'God I know you weren't' He hastily cuts her off because he fears his outburst has come across as an accusation and that's not what he'd meant. 'It's not your fault! You didn't make this happen' He pinches the bridge of his nose. He's seen her dancing with other men. Friends. He knows it's only ever innocent. Knows she can't flirt to save her life. Has watched her attempt to make him jealous on a few occasions when he's claimed she was useless at the art of flirting. True to form she'd become a flustered mess within seconds with him always swooping in to save her. Him drawling in her ear that she'd have to stick with him until the end of time. It made his heart flutter because he knew her inability stemmed from her feeling like she was betraying him. Even though he was watching. Even though he knew it wasn't real.

'...You've not been sure though have you?'

'What?'

'You thought I was having an affair Luke' She whispers.

He exhales heavily. 'Because I didn't know the truth. Because you were hiding so many things from me and the only thing I could come up with that explained your behaviour was that you were either ill or there was... someone else...Now I know what I do it's...it's all so obvious'

'I couldn't blame you for thinking...but I, I swear. I swear on our children's lives I'd never, never-'

'I know Peyton'

'I told him if he ever laid his hands on me again I'd tell you. He said he was sorry! He'd been drunk. He seemed sincere. I thought it was just the drink so I, I let it go...Don't hate me'

'Of course I don't hate you' He mutters. '...Come sit back down' She hesitates before rejoining him. 'You've gotta be honest about everything though Peyt' He murmurs as she sinks back into the opposite chair. 'All of this is going to come up in court. I don't want be surprised. I don't want them to find reason to point the finger at you anymore than they already are. My lawyer needs to know everything. However small and irrelevant you think it is... Is there anything else?'

She worries her bottom lip.

'Peyton?...'

'...Brooke's Birthday...do you remember that night?'

 _'Here'_

 _'Oh. Thank you' she gratefully takes the wine, her brow kinked suspiciously because he's now empty handed. 'Was this yours?'_

 _'No, no. I got it for you. I'm trying my hand at being sober tonight'_

 _'Oh really?' She smiles._

 _'You told me to get it together didn't you?'_

 _'...I did'_

 _'I'm trying'_

 _'I'm proud of you Nate. Luke is gonna be too, he's not getting in till late tonight'_

 _'Did I hear my name?' Lucas slides up beside them then, hand possessively pulling his wife into his side._

 _'You're here!' She beams._

 _'I'm here'_

 _'But your meeting?'_

 _'Went well. I managed to get on an earlier flight' He nods hello to his lurking brother with a smile._

 _'Sneaky' She hits his chest lightly._

 _'Mhm. New dress?'_

 _'Uhuh. Brooke insisted'_

 _'I like Brooke. You're so hot Mrs Scott'_

 _She shakes her head and he enjoys the blush that works it's way onto her cheeks. It never gets old. 'I'll go get you a drink-'_

 _'I can do it-'_

 _'No, no. Let me. You want anything Nate?'_

 _'I'm good'_

 _'Be back in a sec' She smiles._

 _'Hey, hold up' Lucas holts her departure. 'I didn't get my kiss yet'_ _She rolls her eyes but indulges him with a chaste kiss. 'Really?'_

 _'Patience is a virtue buddy' She chants before running off._

 _'You two are gross'_

 _'Oh, I know. But I really don't care. Can you blame me? Look at her' He shrugs indifferently. 'No drink?'_

 _'Your darling wife persuaded me the other week to give this sober thing a go. I've been trying'_

 _'She did did she?' His brow shoots up because of course his wife has managed to be more persuasive than his efforts. 'Well yet another reason I love her'_

 _'How was your meeting?'_

 _'Good. I need to get my head down and get on top of shit to meet this deadline. Work kinda took a backseat over the last couple months with the move. So how long have you been giving this sober thing a go?'_

 _Nathan crosses his arms. 'A week or so. Nothing too impressive'_

 _'It's a start Nate. If you keep to this it'll be a brand new beginning. Only good can come from it'_

 _'I hope so...thanks man...I know I've not given you much reason to wanna be in my life and yet...'_

 _'We're brothers. Nothing will change that' Lucas pats his dark haired sibling on the back. 'Oh god' His eyes have trailed back to his wife who has found company in her best friend at the bar. 'Brooke is making her do tequila...there goes my expectations of getting laid tonight'_

 _'I was under the impression Sawyer could hold her liquor'_

 _'Sawyer is nine' Nathan rolls his eyes at his brother's snarky retort because he knows very well what Sawyer he was referring to. 'A_ _nd she won't be trying that out for another twenty years thank you very much'_

 _Nathan snorts. 'You're dreaming if she's anything like her mother she's going to be giving you hell'_

 _Lucas squints at his brother. 'What's that suppose to mean?'_

 _'You can't deny she was a wild cat in school. At least the short time I was there anyway. She got you in trouble all the time'_

 _Lucas laughs then at the memory. 'Oh yeah. Such a rebel. I think most kids skipped school at some point. And her making me hang out at the River Court, those were some of my favourite days' He fondly remembers._

 _'You'd be alright with Sawyer skipping out on school then?'_

 _'Oh hell no. Sawyer isn't gonna loose her Mum though. Peyton was her age now when her Mum died. It effected her teen years more than anything. Sawyer won't be going through that. And Sawyer isn't her Mumma. She's my little rule follower'_ _Lucas lets his eyes trail back to his wife who is being encouraged to down another shot. 'Don't do it' He whispers, hopes his stare will somehow win power over her. He's not successful. She's soon swigging back the substance. Lucas sighs. 'Nor as impressionable as her mother is. Always the bloody_ _Tequila. She never learns. I'm gonna have to intervene otherwise my night is gonna be spent holding her hair while she pukes'_

 _'She needs to take her own advice. Quit the alcohol' Nathan jibes._

 _'Uhuh you can tell her that. Lead the way little brother...'_

'...Brooke's Birthday at Trek. You thought I was gonna be late' He recalls.

'You surprised me' She murmurs. 'I drank a lot that night remember?'

He remembers. He remembers that night well. Maybe not the Trek portion. His memories are crystal clear when it came to their arrival back home.

 _'Peyton Scott what're you doing?'_

 _She's just sunk to her knees before him and_ _bites her lip as she looks up at him. 'What does it look like baby?'_

 _It takes all his will power not to ignore the reservations he has and let her continue with her looking up at him like that. 'I don't think so'_

 _She pouts and clings to his thighs. 'I do'_

 _'You know I don't know if to be insulted' He hums, his hands stroking over hers in an effort to slyly remove them from his legs._

 _'Your wonderful wife wants to blow you and you're insulted?'_

 _'Well you always wanna do this when you're drunk. Is it that unbearable that you have to be intoxicated?'_

 _'That's such a lie it, it...'_

 _He laughs at her face because she's gone from glaring up at him with a seductive gaze to looking confused as she tries to put forth a case he knows she's gonna be incapable of doing right now. 'Really? Well my all time favourite was when you threw up midway. Real sexy'_

 _'You always like to exaggerate that little story. You finished'_

 _'No. No I didn't' He laughs. 'Most pain you've ever inflicted upon me I might add'_

 _'Poor baby'_

 _'It wasn't funny'_

 _'No. What a bitch'_

 _'Uhuh. My wife is the worst'_

 _'The worst' She agrees. 'But you still love her'_

 _'Yes' He drawls. 'But I'm not interested in a repeat showing thanks. Come on. Get up'_

 _'No' She whines. 'I'm not gonna throw up'_

 _'Peyton' He complains. 'Stop looking at me like that' He pleads because his self restraint is dwindling._

 _'Wanna know why I really don't try and do this too much?' She murmurs and she's definitely got his attention. 'I know how much you like it and I don't want you getting bored of it'_

 _He squints down at her. 'Bored of it'_

 _'Yeah. I see the way you look at me when I do it. You're beside yourself. You wouldn't be like that if I dished these out willy nilly'_

 _He smirks then because she's saying words that don't usually come out of her mouth and it's funny. As is how pissed she's going to be tomorrow morning when she realises she's shared her ridiculous theory with him._

 _'You're serious? I've been deprived of having this whenever I want because you're worried I'm gonna tire of it?' He asks incredulously._

 _'You would'_

 _'No. No I will never ever tire of this. Of you. Of you in anyway Peyton Scott' He's a little astounded. 'So you don't hate doing it?' He was under the illusion that she just wasn't that into this and he didn't like the idea of her doing anything that she didn't like. He can't quite believe they're only just having this conversation after nearly nineteen years of being in a relationship._

 _'Hate it?' Her own brow furrows. 'I don't hate it at all' She corrects him._

 _'Right...right...' He nods and she bemusedly watches him._

 _'Right?'_

 _'You're doing this more often' He blurts then._

 _She kinks her eyebrow then. 'I am?'_

 _'I thought you didn't like it!'_

 _'You've thought I've spent the last eighteen years doing this just to make you happy?'_

 _'Uhuh and I feel fucking guilty whenever I let you'_

 _'Wow I'm a pretty awesome wife doing shit I don't want for you huh?'_

 _'No turns out you're a mean wife! You really don't mind it?'_

 _'Are you kidding me?' She's pouting again. 'I don't not mind it. I like it Luke'_

 _He looks pained most suddenly. His hands stop keeping her fingers at bay then in favour of stroking over her cheek. 'Fuck Peyton'_

 _'How can't you know that?'_

 _'Because! You never initiate it-'_

 _'I just told you-'_

 _'Hang on, do you get bored of me going down on you?'_

 _'Hell no'_

 _He widens his eyes exasperatedly at her. 'Well I can assure you I'd never get bored of you doing this!'_

 _'It's different for you' She disagrees. 'Men get bored. We've been together so long now I need something to keep you interested' She's confiding insecurities he's been clueless to and he wonders if her being drunk is freeing true fears or having her be overly dramatic._

 _He grips her chin. 'I'm not bored. I'd never get bored of you. Zero effort is required in keeping me interested. Zero. I've only got eyes for you. Sweetheart I wouldn't even know how to be with anyone but you-'_

 _'Because you've only ever known me. You go on about how hot that is but you must wonder what magical pools you could dip your toes into if-'_

 _'Shush' He puts his finger over her mouth. 'You're completely mine in every way Peyton Scott and that's all I've ever wanted. And it still is the biggest turn on' He rubs his thumb over her bottom lip. 'God you're so fucking beautiful it actually hurts'_

 _She smiles, shuffles closer. 'You're so dramatic'_

 _'I'm really not'_

 _She kisses his thigh and her hand slides up to his belt. 'I'll make it stop hurting' She coyly hums as she fiddles with the buckle._

 _'You swear you don't feel sick because if you start this and I have to carry you into the bathroom and spend the next forty minutes holding your hair back with a hard on...' He shakes his head and she laughs. 'It's not funny!'_

 _'No' she purses her lips together and tries her hand at being serious. 'I'm fine Luke. I don't even feel drunk anymore'_

 _'Yeah well you look it'_

 _She frowns. 'You want me to do this or not?'_

 _'I do, I do. You're beautiful' He bleats._

 _She rolls her eyes at his effort to placate her but indulges him by yanking his belt free and unfastening the zip._

 _She's about to tug his trousers down when he's halting her. 'Wait, wait'_

 _'What now? My fucking knees are hurting down here you know'_

 _'Sorry, sorry. I just, I want the dress off before you...' He looks like an excited puppy and she can't help but smile._

 _'Fine' He easily pulls her up to her feet. She sways a little and he holds her steady._

 _'You alright?'_

 _'Uhuh. Will you quit it with the are you okays?'_

 _'Sorry, you can't blame me after-'_

 _'Can you stop bringing up the time I threw up all over you. I'm trying to be sexy over here'_

 _'Sorry, sorry. You don't need to try in that department though Peyt' He tugs her forward, draws her into a kiss, his hands skilfully moving behind her to locate her zip._

 _'I'm not wearing a bra' She mumbles into his mouth._

 _'I know' He grins._

 _'How do you know?'_

 _'It's strapless' He's referring to her dress._

 _'I could be wearing a strapless bra'_

 _'But you're not'_

 _'Oh god' She pulls back and looks down at herself. 'Can everyone tell?'_

 _He laughs at her. 'Not unless you've been letting other men touch you up all night. I'm an expert at figuring out what you're wearing beneath clothes. Didn't you know?'_

 _'You're such a...guy sometimes'_

 _He's got the zip completely undone now. 'Mm..and you're such a girl' He hums as he tugs the fabric up over her head to reveal her. 'Such a girl. Fucking Christ' He fumbles in his pocket._

 _'What're you doing?'_

 _'I need a photo'_

 _'No you fucking don't Lucas Scott'_

 _'Oh come on. I really could've done with this picture last night when I was all alone in my hotel room' Her hand blocks the lens being pointed in her direction._

 _She snorts. 'Your imagination can suffice. I'm sure you can picture me in your head just fine. I don't want that shit ending up anywhere. Have you forgotten your daughter likes to go through your phone'_

 _'I could have a secret dirty girl Peyton Scott folder'_

 _'Not happening'_

 _'You're no fun'_

 _'No?' She confiscates his phone, tossing it onto the bed behind. 'I think' She slides her hands into the waistband of his trousers and slowly sinks to her knees, pulling his pants and boxers down in one. 'I can be pretty fun. No?'_

 _He smiles. Twirls a lock of her hair around his finger. Lets go and watches it ping back. 'I like your hair curly'_

 _'I know. It reminds you of me at sixteen. All innocent and sweet'_

 _He laughs then._

 _'What's so funny Lucas Scott?'_

 _'You. Innocent and sweet. I don't think you were ever that'_

 _'Hey jerk'_

 _'What?'_

 _'I was too! I gave you my innocence! And I can be sweet'_

 _'Oh so sweet'_

 _'I can' She looks up at him through her long lashes with a demure expression._

 _His finger trails over her bottom lip, setting it free from her teeth. 'No baby. You're stubborn, exhilarating, sometimes shy, fucking adorable-'_

 _'Adorable means sweet'_

 _'No sweet in my head is clueless and submissive'_

 _She laughs. 'Well that's not what sweet means. And I too can be submissive I'll have you know'_

 _'Yeah? That would be a first'_

 _'You say while I'm on my knees?'_

 _His hand tightens in her hair and she gasps as he coaxes her head forward._

 _'Is this why you like it so much? Cause you feel like I'm beneath you?' She wonders._

 _He knows exactly what she's attempting to articulate but he can't help but smile because she didn't word it right. 'There's no feel about it. You are. Literally'_

 _'I mean like you're controlling me?'_

 _'Maybe a little. Is that bad?'_

 _'No' Her shoulders shrug. 'You're just all about us being equals so it's kinda funny that it's the control thing that turns you on'_

 _'This doesn't change that. We are equals darling. I'm completely yours. You're completely mine. Right?'_

 _'Uhuh'_

 _'It turns me on just as much when you're running the show. Can we stop with this delightful conversation? You're killing me'_

 _'Sorry' She smiles and shifts forward._

 _He groans when her lips press against him where he wants her most, his head dropping back a second later as her warm tongue slides over him. His eyes shut tight. His hand knots in her hair tight._

 _His fingers are more forceful than she's accustomed to and she suddenly realises that he's been restrained in this department and that thought has her clenching her legs together because this man loves her. Loves her completely in ways she still struggles to comprehend. He strives to make her happy. Strives to make sure she's always comfortable and she feels guilty because he's doubted that she likes doing this. How couldn't she when he's watching her like he is in this very moment._

 _She can feel his legs wobbling and pushes on his thighs. Urges him to sit on the edge of the bed behind him._

 _'Fuck' He curses as he jerkily sinks onto the mattress, his fingers retracting from her hair because he knows he's just forced her to receive more of him than he perhaps should but she's undeterred and he looses the plot, especially when she encourages his hand back into her hair. He briefly wonders what he ever did to deserve this angel at his feet. Wonders how she never ceases to amaze him. Never stops surprising him and god those eyes, those green eyes looking up at him so intently. Her intense gaze is ultimately what has him swiftly finding his release. He gasps out her name and gives up trying to sit up, collapsing back onto the bed covers behind him 'You're amazing' He pants. 'Fucking amazing'_

 _She licks her lips. Smiles, slowly pushes herself up using his knees. 'I know'_

 _He blinks as she crawls up him._ _'You actually like it?'_

 _'Will you stop! You're always vocal about how much you like going down on me, why would you assume I don't feel the same?'_

 _'Because! You're not vocal about it Peyt'_

 _'I told you-'_

 _'Yeah, yeah. Well you can be vocal about it' He squints up at her. 'I'd really like it if you were vocal about it' He grins._

 _'Well, this'll' She pauses as she slides her legs over his waist to straddle him. 'Reassure you' She takes his hand and directs his fingers to her underwear. 'See how wet I am?' She murmurs as he wastes no time in exploring. 'That's what doing that to you does to me' She whispers._

 _'Yeah?'_

 _'Mm. How could I not like making you feel good?' She clings onto him as he slides his fingers beneath the damp fabric concealing her. He smiles at the way she opens her mouth and drops her forehead to his. 'Fuck' Enjoys the way she rocks against his hand. 'Harder don't be gentle'_

 _'Demanding aren't we?'_

 _'You want me on my knees more often then fucking do as your wife tells you more often'_

 _'Oh, I see how it is. You were talking shit about the whole you gotta keep me interested thing weren't you? It's all about making sure you get me to do what you want' He's teasing now. 'Well sweetheart if you're gonna come tonight it's gonna be on my terms'_

 _'Don't be a dick' Her eyes widen as he gives her what she wants in all of a heartbeat._

 _'Like that?'_

 _'Mm. Fuck I love you. I love you'_

 _He chortles deep in the back of his throat because she just went from calling him a dick to declaring her love in all of a heartbeat. She kisses him hard. And god does he love her like this. When she's on the brink. When he knows he has the power to send her over the edge. He withdraws his hand from her._

 _'No, no, no' She bleats into his mouth in all of a second. 'Luke!'_

 _'Shh' He smiles and shifts her abruptly, rolling them so she's on her back beneath him._

 _'I hate you right now'_

 _'I'm a dick. You love me. You hate me. Wanna make your mind up?'_

 _'You're torturing me' She whines._

 _'I can't help it. That face you're wearing right now' He grins. 'It's so cute' He slowly pulls her black lace panties down. 'Plus my torturing always works in your favour baby...mm look at you'_

 _'Stop looking and start doing' She reaches for him, grapples his shoulders._

 _'What do you want me to do?' He wonders as he crawls up her, his hand firmly drifting over her right breast as he nuzzles his nose against her. 'Do you want me to go down on you?'_

 _'Yes. No...wait are you?..you're hard again' She pants as he presses against her._

 _'How couldn't I be? Look at you'_

 _'What the fuck are you waiting for then?'_

 _'You're a potty mouth on tequila Mrs Scott, did I ever tell you that?'_

 _'I want you inside me'_

 _'In a minute-'_

 _'No. I, I want you now. Please, please'_

 _He smirks. 'Okay, okay' He makes no hurry to conform, pushes her hair back from her face. 'Did you miss me?'_

 _'What?'_

 _'Did you miss me?'_

 _'Yes, yes' She agrees._

 _'Don't agree to shut me up Peyton Scott. You didn't miss me holding you as you fell asleep?'_

 _She groans and throws her head back exasperatedly. 'Sawyer slept in here. We watched a film'_

 _'Last time you did that we had her in our bed for nearly a fucking month Peyton' He hisses. 'I can't do that again-'_

 _'She was six and that wasn't just because I let her sleep in here a couple of nights while you were away! She was scared that the grinch was gonna steal Christmas. Are we really having this conversation right now?'_

 _'This is where you're all mine. Where I don't have to share you with anyone-'_

 _'Show me then' She complains._

 _He fulfils her wishes then. Rocks into her in one motion. She arches up off the bed and a loud noise passes her lips that has his hand clumsily covering her mouth. 'Shhh' He half groans half laughs into her neck. 'Kids down the hall. You gotta be quiet'_

 _'Am' She muffles into his palm._

 _He smiles. 'You're really not' He drags his fingers away. 'God I missed you'_

 _'You can't miss someone...when you've...not seen them...for a... mere forty... eight hours' She moans again._

 _'Yes you really can' He slips his tongue into her mouth in an effort to silence her. 'You missed me' He murmurs. 'You're such a liar. You've been thinking about me having you like this all night haven't you?'_

 _'Yes'_ _He pins her hands above her head then. 'It never stops Luke. The wanting you. Never'_

 _'It better fucking not'_

She knows exactly what he's recalling and her cheeks suddenly feel hot. 'Not when we got home...Do you remember that night before we left Trek?'

He refocuses. Tries to remember the portion of the night before they got a taxi.

 _'I think that's enough madame don't you?' He subtly tries to ease the drink out of his wife's hand._

 _'Eurgh Broody you're not meant to be here' Brooke stamps her foot childishly._

 _'Oh it's nice to see you too cheery'_

 _'She was mine tonight. It's my birthday!'_ _Peyton laughs and he can tell by the way her feet are teetering unstably that she's already a little tipsy. His arm instinctively goes around her. 'No, No!' Brooke continues, her hand latching onto Peyton's and yanking her away from her husband. 'She promised me a night of dancing and fun. You don't get to ruin my birthday'_

 _'My presence ruins your birthday?'_

 _'No. Yes' Brooke ponders, her confusion apparent._

 _He does well to hide his bemusement because he is amused. Because the birthday girl is somewhat intoxicated and speaking her mind and he's not taking it to heart. Not at all._

 _'I just want her to myself tonight. I never have her on my Birthday'_

 _'Well put anymore tequila in her and you're welcome to her'_

 _'Bartender two more shots' Brooke thumps her hand on the bar top. Lucas quickly signals to the bartender to ignore the brunette's request. 'He's ignoring me'_

 _'Perhaps it's apparent that you don't need anymore just now. I'm not gonna ruin your night Brooke. Tell you what y_ _ou can have her until 12am. Deal?' He holds his hand out to bargain with his friend._

 _'1'_

 _'Erm excuse me' Peyton interrupts then. 'Uh, uh. I am here you know?!_ _You two are ridiculous._ _I'll decide_ _what I do thank you very much. I'm my own person'_

 _'We know' Both Brooke and Lucas nod slowly._

 _'What do you wanna do Babe?' Lucas murmurs._

 _She ponders the question for a long moment and comes to a predictable conclusion._ _'Dance with Brooke and leave with you'_

 _'So what we just agreed on' Brooke chants, her hand slyly reaching behind the blonde to_ _shake Lucas's hand unbeknown to her best friend._

'You were with Brooke all night. Just tell me what he did to you' He's frowning. 'Did he kiss you again?'

'No, no...he just sort of...touched my bum'

His jaw juts out as he tries to remain calm but it doesn't matter that this happened months ago. It's happening now for him and he's frustrated because he's been in the dark far too long. 'Sort of?'

'It wasn't long before we left. I don't know where you were. Brooke had gone to the toilet. I lent into him for a moment because I thought it was you at first and then I realised it wasn't and I pushed him away... he winked at me...' She plays with her fingers. 'It made me uncomfortable...before I said anything you were there and I just told myself it was nothing. That I was drunk and overreacting, that he was trying to get by me or something. That it was probably innocent...Don't look at me like that'

'I'm not looking at you like anything'

'Yes you are. Like you're disappointed in me'

'I'm not disappointed in you...I just wish you'd told me this then... Why wouldn't you tell me?'

'...I just, I was drunk and I didn't want to make a big deal out of nothing. You'd have lost it-'

'For good reason. It is a big deal Peyt. No one asides from me touching you like that is ok-'

'No it's not! But I'm a big girl. I don't need you fighting my battles'

'Clearly. You sorted this all out just fine by yourself didn't you?' He snorts. His mouth has run away from him. '...Sorry. I'm sorry'

'Me saying no should have been enough' Her voice is small. Vulnerable.

'God I know. I know that'

'Do you?! You're blaming me and you're blaming yourself-'

'I'm not blaming you' He sternly corrects. 'I'm not. Not for a fucking second'

'...I shouldn't have needed you...I know I should've told you. I should've. I just didn't want you falling out with him because of some stupid drunken moment-'

'It wasn't a stupid drunken moment though was it? He wasn't drinking that night. You were. He knew exactly what he was doing!' He shakes his head. '...God when we were younger I worried about you all the god damn time. About some shit like this happening if I wasn't there! But over time I convinced myself I'd always be able to protect you. But I didn't. My worst fucking nightmare has come true hasn't it?! And my own fucking brother' His hands claw through his hair. 'I don't understand why you kept all of this from me, I'm your husband. You're meant to be able to talk to me! You've always talked to me and don't bloody say you didn't want to hurt me!'

'I didn't though Luke and he, he made me feel like I made it happen. I know that's insane but he did. He sent me texts that made me feel like I'd fucking led him on, that had me analysing every god damn word I'd said'

'Texts'

 _She grimaces as she looks at him through half open lids. 'You're dressed'_

 _'I am' He smiles. 'It's nearly 11am. I just thought I'd check you're still alive'_

 _'Urgh...Head...hurts'_

 _'Uhuh. Water and tablets next to you baby' He reaches over her and grabs the the pillows from his side of the bed. 'Here sit up'_

 _'Urgh' She groans as she shifts herself up the bed, Lucas helpfully fluffing his pillows behind her._

 _'Oh dear, that bad huh?'_

 _'You're not very good at controlling me' She pouts._

 _'Hey, I tried' He hands her the water that she's blindly trying to locate._

 _'I ache all over'_

 _'Again. Not my fault'_

 _She opens one eye. 'Hungover. Not suffering amnesia honey' She pops the tablets he's extending out to her. Winces as she swallows them with water._

 _'You demanded I shouldn't be gentle'_

 _'That doesn't mean you have to look so smug about it' She shakily tries to put her water on the bed side table._

 _He laughs and takes over the small task for her. 'I'm not!'_

 _'No laughing' She whines. 'If you're gonna be a jackass just go away'_

 _'Oh baby don't be moody'_

 _'How many times Luke. When someone is fucking miserable you don't tell them so. You say sweetheart what can I do to make you feel better?' She grumbles as she sinks back into the pillows behind her._

 _'Sweetheart what can I do to make you feel better?' He drawls._

 _She scowls at him._

 _He smiles. Sits down on the edge of the bed. 'Want me to do the tickle thing on your hand?'_

 _She throws her hand out to him in answer and he begins to run his fingertips over her palm. '...mmm. I like it'_

 _'I know'_

 _'It reminds me-'_

 _'Of being little. I know. Your Mum use to do it'_

 _'Mummy! You're awake!'_

 _'Urgh' She grimaces at her daughter's shrill entrance. Grimaces because she's not ready to be Mummy just yet. 'Quiet voice right now Sawyer'_

 _Lucas's ministrations halt. 'Mummy drank too much kiddo'_

 _'Luke' Peyton whines._

 _'You never learn Mum' She wags her hand at Peyton. Reciting words she's heard her father mewl in her mother's face many a time._

 _'I need to learn not to tell Daddy secrets because he clearly doesn't deserve them' She retorts._

 _'Secrets?' Sawyer murmurs._

 _Unlike their daughter Lucas knows what his wife is referring to and insinuating._

 _'You should tell Daddy secrets' He blurts. 'We decided last night you're going to tell him secrets all the time from now on. Always'_

 _'Not if he gives me reason not to'_

 _'You've already told me the secret. You can't take that back!'_

 _'I can do what I want'_

 _'You two are crazy' Sawyer chants. 'I think it was safer downstairs'_

 _Lucas' face pales then because he momentarily forgot his daughter's presence and the true subject matter at hand isn't something he wishes to talk about before the nine year old, even if she is completely clueless. 'She's got a point huh?' He utters in her wake. 'We're crazy'_ _Peyton smiles wearily at him._ _'Sorry I threw you under the bus'_

 _'Sorry you ever doubted that I liked doing that to you' She sleepily answer._

 _He laughs. 'I'm only sorry, I never fucking talked to you about it before-'_

 _'I'm coming in' Oliver's announcement startles them both._ _'Are my sweatpants in your draw again?' The seventeen year old avoids looking at them both and marches over to the chest of draws._

 _'Ollie, you ok-?'_

 _'Uh uh' He wavers his hand out ceasing Peyton's enquiry despite having just asked a question. He's suddenly not keen on hearing his darling mother's voice 'Don't wanna hear your voice thanks mother. I'm busy trying to rid my brain of the delightful visuals you created for me last night. Why couldn't I have normal parents?' He grumbles into the open draw before him and rifles through it's contents._

 _Peyton's eyes bug out._

 _'Sorry kid' Lucas mutters sympathetically. 'Try the left draw...I did try to keep her quiet'_

 _'Eurgh. Not helping'_

 _'Sorry. Sorry'_

 _'Where are my freaking sweatpants?!' He groans exasperatedly when his father's suggestion doesn't reveal the item of clothing._

 _Peyton swallows. Hesitates because she's just been told to stay quiet. '...Maybe try Sawyer's room' She whispers and Lucas struggles not to laugh._

 _Oliver's head swivels to her then, his eyes rolling. 'You can be quiet now? Really?!'_

 _'I'm sorry honey, I over did it on the Tequila' She mutters. 'Sawyer was using pants as capes the other day. Try her room' she's suddenly just as desperate for her son to depart._

 _'Course she freaking was' He marches out, being sure to slam the door behind him._

 _Lucas laughs deep in his throat._

 _'Oh my god it's not funny!...We're the actual worst'_

 _'There's no we about it! You are! Not me'_

 _'It's your job to shut me up!'_

 _'Asides from actually smothering you I tried everything else. Maybe next time we'll just let you keep your mouth preoccupied elsewhere' He smirks._

 _'So not gonna be a next time ever again' She scoffs._

 _'Whatever. Now I know you don't hate it I won't have any qualms about making you' He shrugs his shoulders with a smug expression._

 _'Make me' She snorts back. 'I'd like to see you try!'_

 _'Uhuh. There'll be no trying about it' He grins. 'I'm gonna run you a bath'_

 _She laughs then because he's ridiculously sweet even when he's trying to be cocky. 'Thank you'_

 _'And then I'm gonna go give our kid therapy so he can stand in the same room as you again'_

 _'Gees don't talk to him about it. What's there to talk about? This isn't like the time you convinced him there was an owl outside his bedroom window! He was seven!'_

 _'He bought it! Maybe I'll try screeching fox'_

 _'I'm gonna hit you in a minute. We're never having sex again'_

 _'Sure we're not' He hollers over his shoulder._

 _She smiles into the pillow because she loves him and he's right. She'll have caved come evening. She blindly reaches for her phone laughs as she reads a text from Brooke: I'm in pain. So worth it though. Thank you for last night P. Love you._

 _Her smile soon fades as she looks at the next message._

 _Nate: Thanks for persuading me to come last night. I had a good time. Luke is a lucky man x_

 _Her stomach knots. Because she'd not persuaded him. She'd suggested he make an appearance, hadn't been insistent. And she's remembering his hand on her ass. Remembering him winking. Remembering that look. That look that had made her feel sick. Wondering if she'd given her brother-in-law reason to think she wanted that. Wonders if she'd acted inappropriately in her drunken state._

 _'You alright?'_

 _She jumps. 'Uhuh'_

 _'Sure?' Lucas murmurs._

 _'Yeah. You're going_ _to have to carry me to the bath though'_

 _'Oh I am, am I?'_

 _'Uhuh'_

 _'I can do that'_

'Luke' She gets up. Walks around the table and grapples for his hand.

His eyes dart to the approaching guards.

'Mrs Scott you need-'

'He's my husband and he's feeling his daughter move' She presses his fingers into her belly. Glares at the hovering man. Dares him to argue.

'Michael, will insist you don't touch. He'll be in here in five minutes' The guard mutters sympathetically and backs away.

Neither of them respond.

'She's moving?' Instead Lucas murmurs, his eyes focused on his wife because he can't feel anything.

'No' She murmurs back quietly. 'I've not felt her move yet. I just thought he might leave us alone'

'Sneaky' His other hand sweeps around her. Pulls her closer. Takes the brief moment they've surprisingly been granted and presses his lips to her belly. She threads her hand through his hair. 'All these moments I've had with you over the last six months aren't how I remember them' He utters. 'My head feels like its going to explode'

'They are how you remember them. Don't focus on 10 seconds of a night, it doesn't matter...I've already lost so much. Don't let him fuck up the good memories you have of me. That night was a good night no?'

'Mm. Well it was for me but I wasn't being harassed'

'It was hardly harassment'

'No? Peyton he raped you. All these little incidents might have felt like little incidents but they're not. They were just building up to him forcing himself on you and I was fucking oblivious to it all'

'...well so was I...I never thought...what if it is my fault? What if the jury sees it as my fault?'

'What?'

'I mean what if, if I did give him the wrong idea Luke? I, I didn't want, I wasn't trying but I danced with him at your Dad's. I didn't tell you that he'd kissed me. I leaned into his touch when I thought it was you-'

'And you told him fucking no. You hit him when he kissed you. You told him not to touch you again. You said no and like you just said, no should be enough. No means no. Sweetheart please, please don't think for a moment that you're to blame for this because you're not. You're absolutely not'

'Well you're not either' She gasps and his stare jerks to the fingers he still has pressed to her belly.

'Was that... did she?'

'I...I think...' The familiar feeling floats over her again as she feels a more distinctive tugging sensation in her belly. 'Yes'

A wide smile touches his lips. Their current conversation forgotten in all of a heartbeat. 'That's the first time she's?'

'Uhuh' She smiles back. 'She must know who her Daddy is'

'Of course she does...I'm sorry Peyt. I didn't mean to get angry, I'm not angry at you, I'm just, I hate this. I hate being in here when I know you're dealing with all this by yourself. I'm meant to be looking after you'

'I don't need looking after. I just need you to, to get out of here for when she arrives...'

'I will be. I will. You have to tell my lawyer everything. Every detail Peyt. However small. No more secrets. Promise me'

'I promise. I promise'


	10. Chapter nine

**Chapter Nine. (As always italics = flashbacks)**

 _'Where's your Mum?' Lucas enquires._

 _'Probably asleep' Oliver replies._

 _Lucas watches in confusion as his son_ _flits around the kitchen because this scene isn't familiar._ _'Asleep?' He repeats, brow kinked._

 _'Well that's where she usually is when I get in from school' Oliver shrugs as he spreads peanut butter on the two slices of bread before him._

 _'It's 3.30 Ollie'_

 _'I know. Don't say anything about it or you'll get your head bitten off' The teenager suggests._

 _'Wait a sec' Lucas steps in front of him. 'How long has this been going on for?'_

 _'I dunno. A few weeks' Oliver mutters. 'I gotta go give this to Sawyer'_

 _'Sawyer. You made Sawyer a sandwich' He's befuddled._

 _'Well she's always starving when she comes in. You know she barely ever eats any of her pack lunch. Mum always makes her a sandwich after school'_

 _'Right' Lucas nods. He does know that but he doesn't know why it's his son that's seemingly taken over this job. Not that he thinks it's such an awful thing for his son to be doing. Quite the contrary but he knows his wife. Knows his wife would never be caught in bed in the middle of the day._

 _'...Dad?'_

 _'Yes'_

 _'Mum isn't like ill right?'_

 _'What?'_

 _'Cause I'd rather know than you guys trying to hide stuff from me'_

 _'Your mother is fine'_

 _He snorts then. 'The last thing she is is fine Dad. She's been weird for weeks'_

 _Lucas sighs. 'I know' He relents. 'I know...look I don't know what's wrong with her but I'll, I'll figure it out. You shoulda told me about the sleeping think kido'_

 _'When? You've barely been here'_

 _'I know, I know. I write better when I'm alone. You know I've got this big deadline. It's gonna settle down soon' He rubs the seventeen year old's back. 'Thanks for looking out for your sister. Try not to worry'_

'You're going home Oliver' Lucas breathes into the phone. His tone is stern. He's done being patient with the teenager. Is tired of having the same conversation over and over again.

'I can't Dad! She doesn't want me there-'

'That couldn't be further from the truth. You have a responsibility Ollie! And I know that's not fair but I'm in here and I need you to step up and be there for your sister and your Mum'

'I am there. I watch the house every night. I make sure they're ok-'

'Do you have any idea what this is doing to her? She's done nothing wrong!'

'What?'

'Your Mum. She's done nothing wrong'

'I know that!'

'Do you? She thinks you're repulsed by her Ollie. Repulsed by that little baby. That baby is innocence-'

'That baby might not be yours'

'And I don't care. It is mine. Blood has nothing to do with raising a child. Do you know how offensive that it is? For you to even imply that this child's blood could determine how much love we can give it? Your Mum was adopted. You know that. If I was told you weren't mine biologically right this second it wouldn't change how I feel about you. You're my son. You'll always be my son. This child will always be mine. It's a part of your Mother no matter what and god anything that comes from her can be nothing but beautiful and pure'

The line is silent for a moment. He hears his Oliver take a shaky breath '...I see her Dad. Whenever I close my eyes. I see her face when she walked in and saw-'

'Sh' Lucas hisses down the phone because he's not convinced that these calls aren't monitored.

'I'm responsible for-'

'You're not responsible. You're a factor in this Ollie. I won't tell you otherwise but you can make this better! For me and her. I hid a lot of things from you when your Mum was pregnant with Sawyer. I know you know she was really sick but it was a lot more serious than that! She nearly died Ollie! She's so stressed right now and I'm meant to be looking after her but I can't do that from in here! But you can help! You can look after her and try and make this all a little damn easier. And you're going to! Just grow up!'

'Ok. Ok! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry'

Lucas sighs. '...I know...I know you are and I'm sorry too. You shouldn't be dealing with all this and I wish, I wish I didn't have to be putting this on you but I don't have a choice right now. If anything else happens to her-'

'I won't let anything else happen to her! I swear Dad. I'll go home. I promise. I'm sorry. I'll go home'

 _'What's wrong?' He's hovering. He keeps hovering around her and she can't bear it._

 _'Nothing is wrong' She's been caught though. Been caught in bed in the middle of the day and she knows her behaviour needs explaining away but he's caught her off guard._

 _'I know you. You've not been yourself in weeks baby. You're all over the place. You're in bed in the middle of the day. That's not normal!'_

 _'I didn't sleep very well last night. That's all-'_

 _'Ollie says you've been in bed in the middle of the day a lot lately'_ _She sighs._ _'He's worried about you and I'm more than a little worried-'_

 _'We've just moved. I've been stressed about a million different things. I'm just, I'm all over the place and I, I've not been sleeping well. I'm sorry I can't be as chilled as you are all the time-'_

 _'I'm not having a go at you Peyt! I just want to get to the bottom of what's going on here! We've not just moved. It's been six months now. Something is clearly bothering you'_ _Her nostrils flare. Her nose stings. She looks down._ _'I don't want you stressed. I'm here for you to talk to. We're a team remember?' She says nothing. 'I feel like I'm having the same conversation over and over again and yet I'm still in the bloody dark! I've done something haven't I?'_

 _'What?'_

 _'I've upset you'_

 _'No' She shakes her head. 'I'm fine Luke'_

 _'Is it Nate?'_

 _Her head twists around so fast that a sharp pain jolts down her spine._ _'What?'_

 _'You think I should give him more money-'_

 _'No! No I don't' She assertively disagrees. His brow kinks because if anything she was the voice of reason. When he lost his patience with his brother, when he lost hope, she was always there convincing him to reach out, convincing him to try and help. 'We've given him enough Luke. Every time you give him money you're eating into our kids college funds. That's not fair'_

 _Her explanation silences him for a moment. '...I, you've never said anything like that before. I didn't know you felt like that'_

 _'He's had enough fucking chances. There's gotta be a time when you just realise he's beyond help' Her hand flails._

 _He blinks. 'I...I know. I just, he's my brother'_

 _'But we, we're your family too Luke. I'm you're wife! I should come first!'_

 _'Of course you come first! You're everything Peyton...Is this what's been worrying you? The money thing? I won't give him a penny more. I swear' He sits down on the bed. 'I'm sorry. I didn't know this was worrying you so much. You don't need to worry about money. We're fine and after this next book we're going to be more than fine. You come first okay? Every time'_

 _She bites her lip hard. '...I don't want him near the kids anymore Luke'_

 _'What?'_

 _'I'm sorry I just, I don't think he's a good person for them to be around. I don't want him in this house'_

 _'Where is all this coming from?'_

 _'Is it that absurd for me to feel like that?! A man's life was changed completely because of him! He has life changing injuries! He lies. He breaks promises. He steals! I don't want them around that!'_

'You made me jump' Peyton's hand is over her racing heart.

'I'm so sorry' Lily apologies. 'You weren't answering so I...' She trails off, holds her key up and Peyton wonders who else has access to their house. 'Luke gave it to me after you moved in incase of emergencies'

'I don't think me not answering the door classifies as an emergency honey'

'It could've been. I'm sorry' She worriedly apologises again.

'You're fine. I'm teasing' Peyton smiles. 'I'm sorry, I didn't hear. Must've been in my own little world' Lily shifts her feet. 'Are you alright Lil?' Peyton's brow furrows as she watches her sister-in-law.

'I...I just tried to see Luke. He refused to see me. Again'

Peyton rolls her eyes. 'Don't take it to heart Lil. Seriously. He just doesn't want anyone seeing him in there like that. He'd turn away me if he knew I wouldn't slaughter him. Come on. I'll make you a tea' She pulls her into her side and guides her through into the kitchen.

Lily sniffles. 'I'm sorry. I'm being such a baby'

'Nonsense. You're talking to the queen of being an emotional wreck here' A wane smile touches Peyton's lips.

'Yeah but you've got reason to be an emotional wreck right now...sorry' Lily apologises for her blurted words.

'Lil' Peyton shakes her head because her sister-in-law is being sheepish. Is treading on egg shells. 'Stop. It's still me you know?'

'I..I know...I don't know what to say. How to...be'

'You don't need to say anything. You just need to be you'

'I'm so sorry though. I...I know it's stupid but I...I always thought you were invincible and that if I grew up trying my best to be like you I would be too. You know?...and I'm just...'

Peyton swallows. She glances out the window. Checks her daughter is still preoccupied on the trampoline. Knows when she clocks her aunt is here she'll be in in a flash. 'I'm sorry Lil' She sighs. She feels guilty. Suddenly feels likes the worst role model. She knows her sister-in-law has no intention of that but she can't not because she's always wanted to be someone her husband's sister can look up to. They'd been just fourteen when she'd been born and Peyton had doted on her and then when Oliver had arrived Lily had been just three. The pair had grown up more like cousins than Aunt and Nephew.

'No I...I'm sorry I wasn't, I didn't mean, I just mean...you know?' Lily cringes at her own gibberish.

'I know honey but I am sorry. I'm sorry that Luke won't see you. I'm sorry that everything is such a mess right now. I know this has effected you a lot too. I know you're not meant to be here right now. Does your college mind you taking this much time out?'

'I've deferred the rest of the year actually'

'What?' Peyton startles at this news.

'It's the best choice. I was falling behind. My tutors know what's been going on. They suggested it'

Peyton's eyes well. 'I'm so sorry' She feels like she's screwing up everyones lives. 'What about Wyatt-'

'We broke up actually'

'What? No! You were so happy and excited-'

'I just, it didn't work out-'

'Oh god it's because of me isn't it? Because of what happened-'

'No, no. No Peyton it's not that at all. You don't need to be sorry. You're the last person that should be sorry. It really doesn't matter. I made the decision to defer and Mum and Dad thought it was a good idea too. Wyatt didn't'

'Oh honey I'm so sorry. It does matter'

'No it doesn't. I'll pick up next year. You need to stop worrying about everyone else' Peyton looks at her then, is a little surprised by Lily's words because the twenty one year old has never given her advice before. 'You just need to think about you'

'...God. You're suddenly like a grown up'

Lily snorts. 'I don't feel like a grown up. I wish I knew how to help you'

'Oh Lil' Peyton tilts her head to the side. 'I'm fine. I promise' She strokes her belly. Feels the bizarre sensation of movement. It doesn't matter that it's something she's experienced before. It's familiar but keeps taking her off guard nonetheless.

'What? What is it?' Lily watches her warily.

'Nothing she...she just started moving over the last couple of days. I've not got use to it yet.'

Lily blinks. '...She?'

'Oh...yeah I found out last week' She curses herself for speaking so freely. 'Can you not tell Ollie. I, I've not had a chance to tell him yet and he might be upset that I've told you first. Then again he's repulsed by her existence so...' She trails off.

'I don't think he's repulsed he's just...upset'

'Yes...' She breathes. 'Does he think I should've done more?'

'What?' Lily's confused.

'I've gone over it more times than I can count Lil. What could've I done differently, what did I do wrong?...I don't think I could've done anything differently that night though. Because I trusted Nathan. It wasn't some stranger in a bar that I'd naively left with. I wasn't walking home by myself late at night and dragged down some dark ally. I was with my brother in law...'

'He doesn't think you could've done more. I know he doesn't think that'

'I should've dealt with it differently after...I made it a lot harder on me. On Luke. On Ollie. I know I-'

'No. He doesn't think that. Really he doesn't. He's just mad that this happened. Your his Mum, he's heart broken. He's mad at himself for what he did. Mad that Luke has taken responsibility for it'

'You haven't talked to anyone about this have you cause-'

'Of course not. We're family Peyton I'd never-'

'I know, I know, I'm sorry I'm just worried about so many different things right now, mostly that Ollie is gonna do something stupid like confess'

'He knows how mad you'll be if he does that. I really don't think he could bear disappointing you anymore'

Peyton nods slowly. 'You'll tell me won't you? If you think he's going to do anything stupid?'

'Of course I will!'

'I know you two are close but this isn't one of those times where he deserves your loyalty Lil-'

'I know Peyt. I promise you. I love him, I only want to help protect him too'

'Thanks honey. I'm so glad he's got you...If you're ever in trouble Lil, if anything ever happens, no matter what it is. Don't keep it a secret. Come to me. Tell me... Promise me'

'I promise' Lily nods. 'Of course I promise'

'Never think you don't want to harm us. I got so wrapped up in wanting to protect Luke and all of you that I ended up causing more damage'

'You didn't cause this Peyt. Nathan did'

'Just remember your family is always there to help you. That's what I'm saying'

'Well yours is too. Mum is going out of her mind that you're not talking to them' Lily declares.

'I am talking to them'

'You use to talk to her everyday and now you text just to ask about Ollie'

'Things are just...hard at the minute'

'I know. You need her though Peyt. I can't imagine going through what you have without my Mum'

'I don't have a Mum'

'Mum loves you like you're one of us. You know she does. She just wants to look after you right now...'

'She's outside isn't she?' Peyton is quick to assume by the way Lily's head keeps twitching toward the front door.

'What? No'

'Lil'

'Fine. She drove me!'

'Gees. Go get her. What she sat out there for?'

'You go get her' Lily dares. 'You two need to talk. I'll go annoy my pretty niece-'

'Lily-'

'Peyton!' Lily mimics. 'Please, I can't bear her right now Peyt. She can't stand there being any kind of bad feelings between you. Please. You need to talk'

 _'Peyton!' Lucas' hands loop around her waist and haul her back away from the boy her fists are pummelling into._

 _'Get off her! Get off' Peyton growls._

 _Lucas's narrowed stare flits between his panicked sister and the boy that Peyton is fiercely trying to harm. Tries to piece together what's going on._

 _'Peyton!' He grunts because she's frantic and he's struggling to keep her at bay._

 _'He's hurting her!'_

 _'No!' Lily shrieks in disagreement._ _'We're dating! He wasn't hurting me'_

 _Peyton stills as she digests Lily's words. '...what?'_

 _'We're seeing each other! I...it's new...it, he wasn't hurting me! We were kissing! That's all!' She looks at Lucas now. 'I promise Luke'_

 _It doesn't take anymore convincing for Lucas. His mother had informed him of this new relationship but it's his little sister's wide eyes that are filled with truth that has him assured that she's not been in any danger in the last ten minutes, especially not at the hands of the timid boy at her side. 'Lil it's fine. I'm sorry...?'_

 _'Wyatt' Lily supplies as way of introduction._

 _'I'm really sorry Wyatt. It's nice to meet you. Peyton misunderstood' He nods toward the living room. 'Why don't you go introduce Wyatt to Sawyer, Lil'_

 _'Yeah' Lily's worried brown eyes flit back to Peyton because she doesn't understand her sister-in-laws outburst one little bit. She doesn't loiter to interrogate her though, hurriedly ushering the nervous boy beside her away._

 _'What was that?' Lucas is keen to interrogate his delusional wife._

 _'I...I thought, I'm sorry. I didn't know he was... I thought he was...' She's shaking. He pushes her hair behind her ear._

 _'Baby you're trembling. It's alright. Lil is fine. Mum told me the other day that she was seeing someone. I forgot to mention it. They met in her class. He's here meeting Mum and Keith' He rubs her back._

 _'I panicked'_

 _'Mm...more like went completely protective mama bear on his ass. The poor kid looked like he was gonna blackout' A small smile curls his lips. 'I love how you look out for her baby but gees you can take it down a few notches' He murmurs._

 _'I...I'm sorry...I thought...I couldn't, I couldn't bear anyone hurting her Luke'_

 _'I know. I know me either. But she's fine. Well she was. I think she was pretty excited about getting your seal of approval'_ _He pulls her into a comforting hug. 'I thought I was going to be the crazy one when it came to her getting a boyfriend. Not you' He chortles. 'Still I guess it's good prep for Sawyer huh?'_

'Why're you sat out here?' Peyton murmurs after a beat. She's just got into the passenger seat of Karen's car.

'I wasn't sure you'd want me to come in'

'Karen' Peyton sighs.

'What you're not happy with me are you?'

'...I don't like what you and Keith did. No. But I understand why and you're family. You're allowed to come here whenever you want'

'I'm so sorry. I hate that you're upset with me'

'I...I'm not upset with you. I'm just mad, mad at...everything' She admits. 'I just, I've not been in control of anything in a long time and I, I can't...I don't...he shouldn't be in there...I hate that that choice was taken away from me too. That I wasn't consulted'

'I know. I know honey but it was done for the right reasons it was...It's gonna get easier'

'Is it?...I don't know that he's coming back to me! I'm not stupid!'

'Sweetheart you can't loose hope. Brooke is paying for the-'

'He has the best lawyer money can buy but that doesn't guarantee anything. I can't do this by myself!'

'You're not by yourself' Karen's voice is quiet. It's a necessity or she's going to cry.

'Even if he comes back how can I expect him to do this with me! I don't think it's his! I don't' She blurts then, her head shaking wildly with her worst fears. Her tears come fast and heavy. 'I-I- it feels different. It's-it's not the same as with Sawyer and Ollie!'

'Honey' Karen's heart breaks as she watches Peyton hyperventilate. She pushes her daughter-in-law's hair back from her face. 'Of course it feels different but that's because of everything else going on. You know Luke loves you. You're his world and this baby is gonna be a part of that too. It doesn't matter to him. It doesn't matter to any of us. It doesn't'

'But it does! It matters to me! I...the second I think about it, that I might have Nate's child growing inside me I...' She swallows thickly, presses her hands into her seat. 'I stop seeing her as a baby. I just want her out'

'It's a girl?' Karen doesn't hesitate, places her hand on Peyton's slightly swollen belly.

'Y-yes'

'Luke knows?'

'Y-yes'

'Another grandaughter' She's glassy eyed as she looks into Peyton's face. 'Keith loved Luke unconditionally from the get go honey. Dan and him never got along. This isn't all that different'

'You were raped by Dan?' She spouts sarcastically. 'I didn't realise' Karen closes her eyes, retracts her hand and Peyton's brain catches up with her mouth. 'Sorry-'

'No. I'm sorry. That was thoughtless of me. I didn't mean to compare the two instances because it's not the same. It's not. I just, I wanted Keith to be Luke's biological father for a long time. But then one day I realised Luke wouldn't be Luke if Keith had made him and it didn't matter to Keith so why should I care? She's going to be amazing Peyton. Because of you and Luke, because of how you'll bring her up'

'I'm horrible'

'No'

'I am! How can any mother think such awful things about a baby?!'

'Honey something awful happened to you. Of course you're having complex feelings. But I know once she's here, once you've got her in your arms it's gonna be just like Ollie and Sawyer. It is. You're gonna go to the ends of the earth for her'

She plays with her fingers. 'He didn't want this Karen'

'What?'

'Luke. We, we weren't on the same page about another baby. I wanted another one. He said no. He said no more than once and then, then he suddenly changed his mind but I know he just said that because he wanted me to be happy'

'As much as I love that boy he can be selfish. Especially when it comes to you. You know he likes to have you all to himself. Even if he had changed his mind for you you know he would've come round to the idea. You know he would. He's the best father. He really is'

Peyton sniffles. 'I know he is...god I wanted this so badly Karen. I wanted to do this all again but with him! Not like this'

'...Let me come stay here for a while sweetie'

'You don't need to do that'

'I want to'

'I like knowing that Ollie has you over there' Peyton whispers. 'If he doesn't want me as his Mum right now at least he's got his Nana and you and Keith are two of very few people I'd ever trust with my kids'

Karen gives her a watery smile. 'Well he'll be coming too honey'

'What?'

'I put my foot down. So has Luke'

'Luke?'

'He rang this morning. Had words with Ollie. Words that seem to have sunk in. He's packing his stuff right now...'

'He is?' The tight knot in her stomach loosens. Almost instantly. It's like somebody has just lifted a ton of bricks of her shoulders.

'Uhuh. I also spoke to Luke. He asked me to get you a few things' She twists her body and reaches into the back, pulling a basket off the passenger seat behind and hoisting it back into the front.

Peyton's hands rifle through it's contents. 'A few' She drawls.

'He doesn't do things by halves even from a prison cell'

'No' Peyton murmurs. She's teary all over again because her favourite items sit before her along with some more obscure products. Foods she'd craved with their previous two children, a Baby names book, a letter.

 _I know you're doubting everything. Us. This baby. But sweetheart you're never going to get rid of me. I love you. I love this baby. I'm sorry I'm not there to look after you. Let Mum and Keith in. Let them drive you crazy and care for you because it'll make me happy. I can't bear being in here knowing you're at home alone dealing with all this. I'll be with you soon. I know I will._

 _I love you._

 _Yours Always and Forever._

 _Lucas_


	11. Chapter ten

**Chapter Ten. (As always _Italics_ = Flashbacks)**

'Hey'

'Ollie' Peyton all but lurches up from her spot on the sofa and throws herself at her sheepish son.

'Mum' He groans.

'Don't complain. I need to hold you for a moment'

His arms slowly move around her. 'I'm really sorry Mum'

'You've got nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry'

'No. I have' He mutters into her shoulder. 'I'm not...I'm not repulsed Mum. Really I'm not. Dad said you...I don't think that! I just, when I think about the baby I think about-'

'I know. I know Ollie. You don't need to explain. I'm confused too. I know how hard this. I wish I could go back and save you from ever knowing any of this'

'You can't protect me and Sawyer from everything. I'd rather know than not. We can look after you too you know? Just because we're the kids doesn't mean we can't help you. I wish I could go back and not do what I did. I...I know I said before that I wouldn't take it back but I...I would, for you. For Dad. I just couldn't...I couldn't bear the thought of him getting away with it any longer and I-'

'I know Ollie. I know' She kisses his cheek and slowly draws back from their embrace, a watery smile on her face. 'All that matters is you're home now'

'Don't cry Mum'

'They're happy tears baby'

'Here, sit back down'

Peyton looks at him through narrowed eyes then. 'You can ignore your Dad if he's ordered you to panda over me'

He smiles. '...are you, like ok? I mean ok physically? Dad was telling me about how serious it was when you were ill when you were pregnant Sawyer. I didn't realise you'd nearly died-'

'I'm not gonna die. I'm fine. I promise. Right now everything is fine with me and the pregnancy. Everything is normal'

'I'm so sorry I've been making everything harder for you though...I'm gonna...I'm gonna do better Mum'

'Oh honey, you've been doing amazingly. No kid should have to go through this-'

'I'm eighteen. I don't think you can classify me as a kid-'

'You are. You'll always be my kid...Did your Dad tell you?'

'Tell me what?'

'That the baby... it's, well it's a girl' She watches him carefully.

'A girl' He repeats.

'Yeah. I promise you'll love her. As soon as she's here we'll all forget everything else. She'll make it all better'

The smallest of smiles touches his lips. 'I guess another Sawyer wouldn't be so bad'

'No. I don't think so'

'Is Dad, Dad knows then?'

'Yes'

'So you two, you're ok right?'

'Of course we are...I know you heard us arguing on more than one occasion over the last few months but that, I'd not told him the truth Ollie and he knew I wasn't ok. He started to think all sorts of ridiculous things but now he knows the truth about everything...'

'I don't get how he was so calm-'

'Calm? The last thing he was was calm Ollie. He demolished our dining room. That shouts calm to you?'

'But I couldn't, I couldn't...he didn't do what I did'

'Maybe not but he's got years on you honey. Years of learning to be more level headed'

'He'd never have done what I did!'

'I'm not so sure about that. I begged him not to do anything stupid. He knew the ramifications if he did anything Ollie and it's a little more confusing for him. Imagine if you had a brother and he'd done something like that. Can you imagine being able to harm Sawyer?'

'I just wish I could be more like him Mum'

'Oh honey. You're so much like him. More than you know...baby your Dad would do anything, anything for me. He would. And for you. What he's doing right now, it's all for you. All for me. I didn't tell your Dad because I didn't want to hurt him. When you, when you're completely in love with someone it's sort of like you, you become part of each other and well, me and your Dad it, it, you know how long we've been together and I know your Dad loved that I'd only ever been with him. I didn't want to ruin that. Even when he thought I was having an affair he was prepared to forgive me Ollie. He's loyal. Above all he's loyal and so are you'

 _'I feel like I'm loosing you'_

 _'What?'_

 _'It's like you're constantly avoiding me. You don't talk to me. When was the last time we had sex Peyton?' She clams up. 'It's been 2 months in case you didn't know. I miss you and I don't just mean, this isn't just about sex, I miss you' He looks at her pleadingly._

 _'I'm right here' She whispers._

 _'Are you?' She looks up at him then. He sees her tears. 'Peyton please. I'm begging you. Talk to me'_

 _'...I'm sorry' She musters. He sinks onto the bed and reaches for her hands. She watches his thumbs coast over her knuckles. 'I...it...I'm...'_

 _'You're?'_

 _'It's just...an adjustment. Moving home. Being here after being gone so long...everything's different. Dad isn't here anymore'_

 _He blinks. Licks his lips. 'You keep feeding me that but you were absolutely fine for the first four months we were here. I know that's not what's bothering you. And that kills me more than anything. No lies. That's always been our deal'_ _She worries her bottom lip. '..._ _Have you...is there...have you... met someone else?' He digs his fingers into the bedding as he regards her._ _Her eyes widen then._ _She's silent. Stunned by his question._

 _'What?'_

 _'I...I won't let you go easily. I won't give up on us but if you've met someone and you're not sure about us anymore I, I need to know so I can..._ _Don't look at me like that' He sighs._

 _'_ _How else am I meant to look at you?! You know I-I'd never do that to you!'_ _He swallows thickly and she abruptly scrambles onto her knees and cups his face. 'You're not loosing me. There's no one but you. Never. I'm yours. Always and forever'_ _He takes a shuddering breath. And she watches relief wash over his features._ _'I'd never do that to you' She's teary now. 'Never'_

 _He nods. 'I...I know. I'm sorry. I do know that I just. I saw Skills the other day. He, he described what Bevin was like when she was having an affair and it just, it freaked me out because he was describing you' He whispers. His friend's words have rung in his ears for the last two days and he's been tormenting himself. '...the mood. The avoiding me. Not wanting to be touched-'_

 _She all but lurches at him then. Kisses him. Hard. 'I do want you Luke. I'll always want you. I promise'_ _A hand grips her hip._ _'I love you. I love you so much. You're everything. Everything' She murmurs into his mouth. She knows by the way his tongue is soon moving against hers that this isn't going to be enough, that she can't pull away. Knows she'll be cementing whatever ridiculous notion he's been building up in his head and she can't bear him thinking she's bailing on them. That she doesn't want to be with him because it's the furthest thing from the truth. This. Him. He's at the centre of her universe and she can't loose him. So she doesn't allow her twitching hands to push his roaming fingers away. Doesn't stop him when he eagerly goes about pulling her shirt over her head._

 _She forces herself to go through the motions. Tries to get lost in him. But it's hard because she's worrying that he'll know somehow. That she'll feel different. Be different. She is different now._

 _'I've missed you like this' He hums into her neck. 'I've missed being with you like this Peyt'_

 _She nods. She can't speak because she fears the lump in the back of her throat will have a sob escaping her lips._

 _He's suddenly overwrought. Perhaps if it hadn't been so long he'd have noticed things that he doesn't. Perhaps he'd have noticed how her eyes vacantly fixate on the ceiling. Perhaps he'd have noticed how they well with tears as he rocks into her. But he doesn't. He doesn't because he's fixated on the alluring lines of her body. Fixated on the way their bodies join. Fixated on how damn good she feels. He sucks on her neck hard. Marks her and she doesn't reprimand him as she's done in the past. Wants him to know that she's his. Mind, body and soul. His. She fakes finishing with him. She's never faked it before. She thinks he'd probably have clocked her charade had it been any other time but as it is he's too wrapped up in his own release. His distress that he could possibly be loosing her has him a little self absorbed and besides, she'd never do that. His wife would never do that._

 _He pulls her into his arms after, spoons her from behind and she doesn't feel relief._ _Her tears are silent but relentless. Because she feels just as dirty as she had that night. Because she's never not wanted this with Lucas Scott. Has never not enjoyed it and she's scared. Scared she's never going to be herself again. Scared that this is all ruined._

'Hey kiddo' Brooke murmurs.

'Auntie Brooke' A small smile transforms Sawyer's pouting lips. 'I missed you'

'Me too honey' Brooke sits down on the veranda step, drapes her arm around the nine year old. 'How has everything been here?'

Sawyer's shoulders shrug. 'Are you going to go away again?'

'No honey. I'm sorry I had to go speak to someone in LA. I'm not going anywhere again anytime soon though. I promise. How's Mummy?'

'...not good'

'No?'

'Everyone treats me like a baby but I'm not a baby'

'No one thinks you're a baby sweetie... Ollie's come back. That's nice huh?'

'Mm...Is Mummy dying Brooke?'

'What?' Brooke's brow furrows and she twists her body to look into the worried nine year old's face. 'Oh Sawyer, no. No, of course not'

'You're meant to be happy about having a baby. Mummy isn't. She's not excited. She's sad'

'Mummy just misses Daddy sweetie'

'It's more than that. Ollie knows. I know he does. Why does he get to know and I don't?'

Brooke sighs. 'There's a lot of grown up stuff going on' She acknowledges. 'And Mummy and Daddy get to choose what they share with you. It's not that they think you're a baby sweetie. It's just that they're your parents and you're the most important thing in the whole wide world to them. They're always gonna protect you'

'...is Daddy not coming back?'

'We're all doing everything we can to make sure he comes home as soon as possible sweetie'

She sniffles. 'I...I don't like it when he's not here. I don't like it when Mummy is sad'

'I know. Me either. But you know what? You're so special, you're what's helping Mummy be really brave right now, she needs you'

'She cries all the time' Sawyer whispers. 'Because Dad's not here. Because Ollie wasn't here'

Brooke blinks. 'She's hurting Sawyer...she will start feeling better though. I promise you it won't be like this forever...is that why you're not talking to your big brother? I ran into him in the hall. He said you've not spoken to him since he came home'

'He told Lily he thinks Mummy should get rid of my sister. I heard him the other week. What does that even mean? Why would he want us to get rid of her? Does he wish I wasn't here too?'

'He loves you Sawyer and he's going to love your baby sister too...He's just confused'

'About what? How could Mummy get rid of her? Like give her to another family?'

Brooke is relieved to see Peyton lingering in the doorway, eavesdropping on their conversation. 'Ollie was just confused Sawyer. This baby was a bit of a surprise' The expecting mother makes herself known. Brooke watches her friend walk out onto the deck. Notes how in the short time she's been gone her best friend's pregnancy has become apparent. She's gotten bigger and taken on a subtle penguin walk, a supportive hand on her back as she leans on the wooden rail and eases herself down on the other side of her daughter.

Sawyer says nothing. Feels like she's just been caught in a conversation that isn't to be discussed.

Peyton takes a shuddering breath. '...I, I know you know something is wrong baby and people are saying things and I, I know it's hard but you have to try not to listen because it, it might not be the truth. It's why you've not wanted to go dancing lately isn't it? The other kids keep saying stuff to you huh?' Peyton murmurs because after a lot of persuasion she'd convinced her daughter to attend her usual class just the previous day. She'd witnessed one girl in particular giving her daughter a hard time. Had watched through the viewing window, hadn't needed to be in the studio to get the gist of what was being said.

'They call you names. I don't like it...they say Daddy is never coming home for what he did-'

'Daddy hasn't done anything baby. You know that'

'He's obviously in prison for some reason! They don't just lock you away for no reason. I'm not a baby!'

'I know...which is why as much as I'd rather keep this from you I...'

Brooke reaches behind her god daughter and finds her best friend's hand because she can tell she's struggling to keep it together. 'P?' She murmurs. It's a silent question. Peyton nods curtly. Gives her best friend her permission. 'Uncle Nate hurt Mummy Sawyer'

Sawyer digests this. Frowns as she regards her mother. 'Hurt you?'

'...yeah honey'

They both watch Sawyer's lips purse together. Watch her green eyes well.

'Why? Why'd he do that?'

'I don't know baby. It's ok. I'm okay' Peyton sits up a little straighter.

'How d-did he hurt you?'

Peyton pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth for a moment. 'He made me do things that I didn't want to do'

She ponders this for a moment. 'What things?'

'Grown up stuff that I, I don't...you're not a baby honey but you'll always be my baby and I don't want to talk to you about this. I'll explain when you're older'

'You had sex with him didn't you?'

Peyton's eyes widen then. 'What?'

'I know what sex is. We did it at school'

'I know you do. We've talked about it too haven't we? I just, why're you saying that?'

'Sally said her Mum said you're a slut and you were cheating on Daddy. Sally says a slut is someone who does sex with lots of men-'

'Nobody should call anyone that Sawyer' Peyton cuts her off. 'It's not nice'

'That women I had to talk to was talking like you were having an affair too-'

'I told you before, I'd never do that!'

'Don't listen to a bloody word Sally and her stupid Mum say. They know shit all' The brunette can't keep quiet or calm it seems. 'Sorry' She's quick to apologise for her cussing at Peyton's hard look. 'Sorry I just, you can't listen to them gossiping honey. Your Mum hasn't done anything wrong. This is your family and family always comes first. Family always looks out for each other. Family tells each other the truth'

'Nobody is telling me anything!' Sawyer disagrees then sassily. Peyton pinches the bridge of her nose despairingly. 'I know how babies are made' The nine year old continues.

'I know you do' Peyton murmurs.

'Is the baby not Daddy's?' Sawyer probes and her question is seemingly the last straw because Peyton is suddenly blurting out certain truths that she had no intention of sharing.

'It doesn't matter who the biological father of this baby is! All that matters is that your Daddy is going to be it's Daddy too!'

'...you're, you're only meant to do sex with Dad'

Peyton's head jerks up because her daughter's naive words feel like an accusation. 'I only want to do that with your Dad. He's the only person in the whole wide world that I'll ever want to do that with. I love him. Only him. Only ever him' She takes her daughter's hand. 'I wasn't having an affair Sawyer...when we talked about sex we talked about how important it is to always know that the other person wants to. That if you say no it means no. You never have to do anything you don't want. Remember?' Sawyer nods. 'If someone makes you it, it's not...' She runs her hand through her hair. 'It's not...'

'When someone makes you it's not sex. It's called rape' Brooke takes over again. 'When you have sex with someone because you both want to it's the best feeling but being made to do that' Brooke shakes her head. 'It's not ok for anyone to ever think they can hurt you like that. Ever'

Peyton clenches her eyes shut then.

'Uncle Nate made you...' She trails off. '...made you do... _that_ with him?' Her age shows then because her lips suddenly won't say the word again.

'Nathan raped Mummy' Brooke softly confirms because she knows her best friend is going to let a sob pass her quivering lips if she opens her mouth right now. 'He really hurt her Sawyer...you mustn't listen to anybody that has anything horrible to say because it's just a load of rubbish'

Sawyer slowly shifts off the step.

'Sawyer' Peyton exhales frantically because she can't bear the nine year old running off right now. Is certain she's done no good from letting her daughter in on this information. Is certain Lucas is going to be mad and she doesn't want that but at the same time she's treading water. She doesn't know what's right or wrong anymore. She wants to save her child from this but at the same time it's unavoidable. People gossip.

Sawyer isn't fleeing though. She sits herself on her mother's lap. 'Don't cry Mum. I'm sorry. I won't listen to stupid Sally. I promise. They don't know shit'

'Oh god, Sawyer don't say that' Brooke grimaces because she knows she's responsible for putting those words in the child's mouth.

A small smile graces Peyton's face though, a little laugh escaping her lips. 'Your Aunt Brooke is such a bad example. She's right though. They don't know shit'

 _'Are you pregnant?'_

 _He's still rubbing her back and she wishes she'd had time to lock the door and keep him away from her like this._

 _'What?' Her head jerks up from the toilet bowl to look at him._

 _'You are aren't you? This is what this is all about. Why you've been so weird for weeks. You thought I'd be mad at you'_

 _'I...I'm not pregnant' Her mind is suddenly whirling. Trying to calculate when her last period was. She's been so distracted. Had not even considered the possibility. It's not a possibility. Surely._

 _'You don't have to lie to me baby. The throwing up. The secrecy.' He pushes her hair back from her face. 'Here' He hands her a piece of toilet roll that she's quick to dab at her watering eyes and mouth. She's exhausted and wearily pulls the toilet seat down before flushing. 'I mean I'd have liked us to talk about it a bit more rather than you just stop taking the pill but had I known you felt so strongly, if I'd known how much you were torturing yourself-'_

 _'I'm not pregnant Lucas' She interrupts. He stares at her dubiously. 'You really think I'd just fucking stop taking the pill without consulting you? I'd never make that decision without you!'_

 _'But you're...you're sick-'_

 _'It's probably a bug...Why would I lie?! It's not like I'd be able to hide it from you forever is it?'_

 _He watches her lean back against the bath tub. Watches her inhale exaggeratedly. 'You still fill nauseous?'_

 _'A bit'_

 _'You're not pregnant? I, I really thought...'_

 _'I might have voiced that I wanted...but I'd never make that decision without you. Never...'_

 _'No' He nods. It does seem out of character he has to admit. 'I just...' It's just it would allow him to make sense of everything. Of her. It would allow him to excuse all the confusing disputes, her strange behaviour and sombre mood. 'Well if...if it's not better soon I'm taking you to the Doctors...maybe we should take a test anyway. It's not like the pill is full proof right?'_

 _'It's been full proof long enough Luke. I'd know if I was pregnant. Can, can you just go get me some water please'_

 _He's quick to do as requested and his departure has her eyes skittering down to her flat belly. 'Please no. Please no. Please no' She begs quietly, her heart racing because she can't be. Can't. Only her husband's assumptions have sent alarm bells ringing because she's late and the nausea she's been feeling recently is reminiscent of morning sickness. But surely her late period is just stress. She grimaces because despite not monitoring her cycle religiously she suddenly knows. Innately knows. Her husband is right and she feels sick all over again. Because this isn't happening. This can't happen._

'You and Mummy won't ever split up will you?'

'What? Of course not. Why're you saying that?' Lucas sternly questions.

'She told me what...happened'

'What do you mean?'

'She told me what...Uncle Nate...made her...'

He's confused in all of a heartbeat because they'd decided together, had been more than on the same wave length when it came to their little girl not knowing anything about this.

'Sawyer I want to be with your Mother until my dying breath. You got that? I'm in love with her. What did your Mum tell you?'

'Sally Jenkins from dance said her Mum said Mummy was cheating on you and everyone keeps calling her a slut at school'

He knows why then. Knows why his wife has made the hard decision to tell their daughter certain truths because she's hearing things that aren't true and only truth can combat lies.

'Sally Jenkins and her Mum can keep their damn mouthes shut about things they know nothing about' Lucas snaps. Sawyer startles at his severe tone. 'Sorry, I'm sorry baby'

'It's alright Aunt Brooke says they know shit all' She bites her lip because she's not sure her Daddy will be so entertained by her cussing as her mother was.

'Well she's right' She smiles gleefully because she can hear the amusement in his voice. 'You know you're not allowed to swear right?'

'Uhuh. Just this once'

'Mm Just this once...I can't bear people gossiping about your Mum when she's done nothing wrong...I know your Mum. I know her in a way that no one else does. Not even you. She'd never ever have an affair. Your Mother didn't do anything wrong. What Nathan did to her was so, so very wrong. Do you understand that?'

'I do...but you called her a bitch Daddy' He frowns into the phone. 'I heard you-'

He sighs. 'I was very angry that day kiddo. Mummy had been lying to me about some things and she's never lied to me before. It scared me. What I said wasn't ok and it wasn't true. We say things we don't mean when we're angry don't we? You've said the hate word a few times and I know you never mean it'

'I don't like you calling Mummy that'

'Me either. I won't do it ever, ever again. I promise'

 _She's been making an effort. Has made effort to do her hair as she would normally. Do her make up. Wear her normal clothes. Be the person she's always been. The wife he knows. Despite the voice in her head telling her she looks like she's asking for it._

 _He's more smiley. Is under the illusion that whatever spell his darling wife has been under is broken._

 _She knows now she's opened the doors to their bedroom activities he's going to be all over her because she's denied him this part of her and he wants her. Has never been able to get enough of her like this._

 _'Look at me' He demands breathily._

 _She doesn't. Keeps her eyes closed. She's been thankful that depriving him of this has at least resulted in him being a little wrapped up in his own desires. Has had his eyes everywhere but her face. But apparently that's no longer the case. Fucking her isn't enough. 'Peyton'_

 _She reluctantly opens her eyes and he's distressed by the vacant look that greets him. Is more distressed a second later by the noise that escapes her lips because he notices. Knows it's not real. He stops in that moment. Realises she's not into this at all. But she knows. Knows he's seen. Can see the dilemma clear on his face. 'Baby what's wro...' He trails off and inhales sharply because her bent legs have locked around him. Hard._

 _'Don't stop' He'd been close. She knows._

 _'What's wrong?'_

 _'Nothings wrong'_

 _'There is-'_

 _'No' Her fingers urge his face closer. She knows exactly what to do to hurry this along. 'Please. I need you. Don't stop Luke' She sucks on his bottom lip, coaxes his mouth back to hers and kisses him until he can't help but get lost in his desires all over again._

 _'I love you. God I love you Peyt'_ _She tries to reconnect their mouthes because she doesn't want him looking at her but he's determined to draw this out, to gaze into her face. 'Are you close?'_

 _'Mm' She throws her head back and he watches her intently. Soon falls over the edge and she imitates doing so too but he sees. He knows and instead of basking in the euphoria of his relief he feels sick._

 _He moves off of her. Stares at her._

 _She smiles at him. Tries her hardest to continue the act._

 _'What're you doing?'_

 _'What?' She breathes._

 _'Why're you doing that?'_

 _'What?' Her smile dwindles._

 _'You faked it'_

 _'What?'_

 _'I know you. You don't think I can tell? Eighteen years Peyt. We've had sex more times than I can count. I know you and I know your body'_

 _She hesitates. 'Luke-'_

 _'Why would you do that?' His brow furrows. 'You know I'm not gonna leave you that I'll-'_

 _'I know. I don't care though. Ok? I don't, it was nice, I'm just tired-'_

 _'Nice' He repeats. He can't think of a more awful word to describe sex with his wife._

 _'It was' She claims. 'Just because I didn't come doesn't mean I didn't like it'_

 _He shakes his head. 'Are you just doing this because I told you I missed it? You don't want me touching you for weeks and then I try and talk to you about it and suddenly you're all too happy for us to resume this but you're not the same' Her nostrils flare. 'You're not Peyton. Did you fake it the other times too?'_

 _'No'_

 _He stares at her. '...There's someone else isn't there. There has to be'_

 _'No!' She starts crying then. 'Don't say th-that. I t-told you th-there's not'_

 _'Well what is it?' His voice rises then. 'Because you're not ok! We're not ok!'_

 _'Don't s-say th-that'_

 _'One of us has to! I'm trying Peyt but I don't know what else to do. You won't talk to me! Sex, we're, god when I'm with you like that I know you're mine completely. There's never a wall up. But that just then...you pretending' He shakes his head. 'I..' He scrapes his hand through his hair._

 _'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't hate me. I love you' She scrambles up onto her knees. 'I just...'_

 _'What?' He grabs her hands and his glassy eyes have her heart aching._

 _'I...don't know what's wrong with me' She whispers._

 _'...I think we should go to the Doctors' She startles, her eyes panicked as she looks at him. 'It's ok to need help Peyt. I can't bear you hurting. If you're depressed we can get you help and-'_

 _'I'm not depressed'_

 _'No? I can't remember the last time I saw you smile and it be real...is it the baby thing?' He wonders suddenly. 'I've been thinking about it like I promised._ _I have warmed up to the idea._ _You're the best mother. Which I'm still in awe of. I mean it's not like you had much guidance after loosing your Mum so young and yet you always seem to know what you're doing...I guess I was so hesitant because I thought you weren't bothered about us doing this again. It took me by surprise. I mean y_ _ou bought this up just before we moved back here which means you were mulling it over a lot longer. I always thought there'd be another. Well at least I'd hoped after Sawyer but you never bought it up. The other day when you were sick and I thought-'_

 _'It's not that Luke' She hurriedly cuts him off because she doesn't want to hear he was disappointed. Doesn't need to be told. She'd seen it on his face. 'I told you I changed my mind.'_

 _'...Do you want to go back to LA? Because if being here is really at the root of all this, if you're not still happy in a few months we will. We'll move back'_

 _'What?'_

 _'You think I'd stay here if it's not what you want? Sweetheart my home is with you and wherever you want to be is fine with me. As long as I have you. As long as you're happy'_

 _'I don't want to go back to LA Luke. Just, just stop. Nothing is wrong honey. I promise. I'm fine. I just,_ _I'm just not in the mood ok? That's all that was. Please stop reading into everything-'_

 _'It's not ok. You, you, you've never...just then you were...'_

 _'You wanted me! I'm just trying to make you happy! You're upset with me when I say no. You're upset with me when I say yes, I can't win'_

 _'You've never not wanted me! And for the fucking record I don't need you appeasing me! This isn't meant to be a fucking chore for you'_

 _'It's not!'_

 _'No?' He abruptly grabs her legs. jerks her down the bed._

 _'What're you doing?!' She wriggles._

 _'Going down on you'_

 _'I don't want that. I just told you-'_

 _'You didn't come-'_

 _'I told you I don't care!'_

 _'Well I do! I'm your husband and I want to fucking satisfy my wife!'_

 _'Lucas'_ _Panic swells in her chest as he tackles her to the bed._ _'Stop!'_

 _She wishes they were on an equal playing field when it came to strength. Wishes he couldn't pin her down so easily. She doesn't make it easy mind. 'You stop' He growls._

 _And when it becomes apparent to her that he's not going to let up her limbs have a mind of their own. Her thighs squeeze round his neck. Lock tight. And he might be stronger but he suddenly can't break free. His wide eyes find hers as he struggles to get air to his lungs._

 _She's not thinking. Not seeing. It's like she's possessed._

 _It's his choking that has her legs abruptly falling away. 'Luke?!'_

 _His hands are on his neck._

 _'I'm sorry! I'm sorry. Are you ok? I'm so sorry!'_

'You made Ollie come home' She chants down the speaker and he can't help but smile because he can hear that she's grinning and he's not been responsible for many of those smiles recently.

'It was a joint effort- Mum helped-'

'No. It was you' She disagrees. 'Thank you'

'Has he been ok?'

'Ok as he can be...I love you Luke'

'I know baby'

'I'm sorry I told Sawyer. I didn't intend to it's just she was-'

'I know. You don't need to explain. I think perhaps it's better she knows. We can't protect her from the world forever. I just wish you hadn't had to do that. I know how hard that would've been for you. I hate that this is effecting her. That kids can be so fucking cruel. That you're dealing with this shit on top of everything else'

'She'll be ok'

'Of course she will. She's tough like you'

She shakes her head not that he can see. '...Brooke went to LA...she went to talk to Trey Anderson'

He frowns. 'Isn't that the guy that...?'

'That he put in a coma? That can't walk anymore? Yeah'

'Why?'

'To see if they'll testify'

'That all went to court already'

'Yeah but his girlfriend was the one that contacted me'

'What?'

'Her name is Rachel. Apparently she was the reason they fought that night'

'What?'

'Nathan came onto her. She said no. Trey stopped it. She was drunk though. She said her account of that night didn't seem to come into play when they were charging Nathan for Trey's injuries before. It might now though so Brooke went to talk to her and she said she'll go on the stand if need be and so will he. It's good right?'

'Really good baby...you think he did this to anyone else?'

'I...I don't know...Brooke spoke to your lawyer. She's going to dig into his past some more. See if she can find anyone else that he had relationships with to see if anything comes to light' He nods slowly. 'It, they say if someone does that kind of thing once they'll either do it again or have done it before right?...I hope he never did anything to anyone else but if we can allude to that it'll put you in a better position Luke, whether it's true or not. I know you probably won't be happy with things being said about him that aren't fact but honey this is your life we're talking about-'

'Peyton I don't give a fuck what happens to his name. He's dead and even if he weren't he'd still be dead to me...how's our little Rainbow?' He changes the subject.

'Rainbow?' She kinks her brow.

'The Rainbow after the storm...' He murmurs.

'The baby?'

'Mm. She's our Rainbow no?'

'I suppose she is...' He can hear the smile in her voice. 'Are you suggesting that as her name Lucas Scott?'

He laughs. 'No. I'm most certainly not' He's quick to disagree. 'You know I'm not keen on the wacky name game'

'It's not that wacky'

'You want her to be called Rainbow?' He laughs and shakes his head.

'Not really but the sentiment is nice...' She smiles. 'Our little Rainbow is fine'

'What about her beautiful mother?'

'She doesn't feel very beautiful'

'Well she's the most beautiful girl in the whole world'

She rolls her eyes.

'You are'

'You can't see me. I'm sans make up, wearing sweatpants and one of your old basket ball t-shirts that I just spilt pasta sauce down five minutes ago'

He closes his eyes. Imagines her. 'Is your hair up?'

'Uhuh'

'Scraped up?'

'Uhuh in the messiest of fashions'

'Mm'

'Lucas Scott' She smiles but he can't see it. Can't hear it in her voice. Panics.

'Sorry. Sorry' He hums anxiously. 'I didn't mean to make you...'

She closes her eyes and presses her head into the wall. He doesn't need to finish his sentence. She knows what he's thinking and it makes her heart ache 'Honey you could never make me uncomfortable...'

'That's not entirely true. I know I have Peyt...I didn't know then. You had sex with me just to try and make me think everything was ok. You didn't want to. I'm not oblivious of that. I know now, I know what I didn't then. I shouldn't have just-'

'You think the idea of you fantasising about me disgusts me? Cause that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm your wife Luke. You're meant to think about me'

'Do you want me to think about you?'

'Of course I do. I'm grateful that after, you're still-'

'We've been through this. I'll always want you...Do you think about me?'

'Of course I do'

'...like...that?...you've not like that since he...have you?'

'It's not you Luke. I love you. I'll always want you I just need time I-'

'You don't need to explain'

'I love you'

'I know you do'

'And I want you to think about me but trust me, I'm nothing to be fantasising over right now'

'I beg to differ'

'Use our wedding night. Use your birthday a couple of years ago, remember that night?'

'I don't need those memories baby. As wonderful as they are. You now, hair scraped up, in my basket ball t, pasta sauce down you, your belly sticking out...god you're perfect. I hate that I'm not seeing your body change up close'

'You're not missing anything. More stretch marks. Swollen feet. Oh so sexy'

'Mhmm. I so badly want to rub your feet. Feed you ice cream. Speak to that little Rainbow and tell her how wonderful you are'

She smiles. 'Did I tell you I love you?'

'Uhuh. But I like hearing it'

'...I'm going to talk to someone...about what happened Luke'

'Yeah?'

'...yes. I...I'm so sorry'

'Peyton-'

'I know. I know you don't want to hear I'm sorry. But I am. I put you through hell. I made you think a thousand different things but I...me loving you, that was at the heart of that. The only, only thing I've ever been sure of in my life is you. Is being with you, is loving you. I so badly didn't want to hurt you. You do know that. Right?'

'Of course I do'

'When you come home I'm going to me again. I promise'

'You don't need to promise that-'

'I am promising that. This didn't just happen to me. This happened to you too but we, we can get through this right? There's always a rainbow when the sun comes out after a storm'

'Always'


	12. Chapter eleven

**Chapter Eleven.** **(As always _Italics_ = Flashbacks) I know it's been a while. Apologies! (Another note in anticipation of people telling me I don't know what I'm on about when it comes to legalities and medical lingo- you're right! All fabricated- I know nothing!)**

'Ten' She repeats.

'Peyt-'

'Ten' She shakes her head. 'I don't understand. We, we're making sure they know what kind of man he was. We are we, we've got Trey and Rachel testifying. Karen is, is looking through the Trek CCTV right now. She's seeing if there's footage of him touching me on Brooke's Birthday. They have my phone, you have the texts he sent me. It, it's going to be more than apparent that I wasn't having an affair because I wasn't. I wasn't!' She addresses her declaration to the women sat opposite her husband this time. 'You're meant to be making sure they know this wasn't like predetermined revenge. That it was like self defence. An accident. That's what we're trying to do here right? Make sure the jury perceive it as an accident and then, then they'll, they'll understand' She rambled deliriously. Lucas and the Lawyer before her stay silent. 'Ten years for manslaughter is the best case scenario?' She feels like she can't breathe. She shakes her head, her hand on her ribs as she paces back and forth.

'Peyt please sit down' Lucas murmurs. She's making him dizzy.

The baby's foot jabs into her side as if in agreement with Lucas's plea for her to sit down. She rubs the spot but continues with her walking. 'I can't...that's not right. It's not'

'Nothing is for certain Mrs Scott. I'm just trying to be as honest as possible with every way this could pan out. When the trial starts on Monday I don't want either of you to be unprepared'

'You're meant to be the best! Brooke said you're the best'

She halts walking. Her stare is on her husband. He seems unfazed. Not unfazed, he looks a whole lot concerned but she knows that concern is about her right now and her alone. He doesn't seem fazed about this revelation. 'You knew didn't you? You knew about this'

He sighs. He knew it was only a matter of time before she came to that conclusion. 'Like Elizabeth just said, we don't know anything for certain. I didn't want you stressing...I was hopeful that the lack of prints on the knife would mean they didn't have enough solid evidence but my initial confession together with my DNA on him I...I realise now that it might be more stressful if you're not fully prepared for the way this could turn out'

'Life for guilty of murder but still ten years if he gets charged with manslaughter?' She blinks. Begins to march toward the door.

Lucas leaps from his seat and blocks the exit to the small room. 'Stop' He's predetermined her plan of action.

'You're not doing this!'

'Peyton-'

'I'm telling them that I did it!'

'The hell you are'

'I can't do this!' She shrilly cries then and her hand thumps against his chest. 'You don't get to do this to me!' He grits his teeth together and forces her into a tight embrace. 'I...Sawyer w-will be n-nineteen!' She sobs into his chest. 'Th-the b-baby-'

'Shhh' He stops her manic calculations.

'You k-keep t-telling m-me you're g-going to be h-home s-soon'

'I will be home at some point! This isn't going to be forever!'

'You don't know that! Just your children's f-fucking childhood!'

'Peyt breathe' He blinks. His nose is stinging. Because his heart has been aching since he stepped foot in this god forsaken place. Aching at the prospect of missing out on his children. Missing out on moments with the girl before him.

He forcefully ushers her over to a seat.

'I'm telling them I did it' She pushes against his chest as he cages her into the plastic chair.

'How is the both of us being locked up going to help right now?!' His voice is stern. 'You're pregnant! You think they're just going to let me out based on a confession from you? That's not how it works. I'd still be on trial because there's substantial evidence. You know that'

'You lied to me! You lied!'

'Yes I lied' He cups her cheeks. 'Like you have so many times and for exactly the same reason. Because I love you. Because I want to protect you. It's going to be ok'

'Don't tell me it's going to be ok- this conversation is her telling me it's not fucking ok!' Her hand wavers to the quiet lawyer.

She gasps suddenly.

'What's wrong? What is it?' He knows by the look on her face that she isn't ok. Notes her suddenly pale complexion. Notes how her eyes have suddenly become vacant. 'Peyton?' His fingers dig into her arms to steady her as her body suddenly veers to the right. 'Elizabeth get someone' He barks as he slides his hand under his wife's legs and lowers her to the floor.

The lawyer's chair squeaks as she leaps up and hurries out of the room.

'Baby open your eyes' He brushes her hair out of her face and swallows thickly, his fingers on her neck as he tries to determine her pulse. 'Open your eyes'

 _•••_

 _'Your phone rang while you were in the bath...Someone from Rosewood Medical Clinic. They said they've had a cancelation tomorrow. That you can go in at 2pm if you haven't changed your mind'_

 _She blinks. He watches her. Sees panic transcend her features. Knows what he's been trying to convince himself is absolutely absurd in fact isn't and the knot in his stomach tightens because he doesn't understand and he sure as hell doesn't recognise his wife right now. She busies herself with emptying the dishwasher as she compiles a story that he doesn't give her a chance to tell._

 _'I was confused. I thought they had the wrong number, cause see my wife goes to the Tree Hill Medical Practice but they had your name right. Your home address. Your date of birth'_

 _He blocks her path when she tries to put a bowl back in the cupboard._

 _'So of course I assumed it was like some spa thing. You probably booked something with Brooke right?'_

 _She hesitates before agreeing. 'She wanted to spend the day with me in Charlotte next week'_

 _He nods. 'Since when do you lie to me?'_

 _'What?-'_

 _'Just don't' He snaps and snatches the bowl from her hand. 'It's not a fucking spa!' He slams it down on the side board with such force that it breaks in two. She flinches but he barely acknowledges the broken item. 'If it was a spa they would've bloody told me what you're booked in for! A fucking massage isn't confidential!' Her mouth is dry. 'I just looked this place up online. It's a women's clinic that specialises in unplanned pregnancies...You are pregnant aren't you?'_

 _'It's a spa-'_

 _'Stop! Peyton you're the one that wanted another baby!'_

 _'I know but you didn't!' It's futile. She knows she can't convince him that he's misunderstood. Knows he's not stupid. And she's frantic because this is spiralling and she just wants a moment to collect her thoughts too get her story straight._

 _'That's not entirely true-'_

 _'You said no'_

 _'I didn't say no, I said I wasn't sure! And I've made it more than apparent since then that I am on board! I'd never have suggested, never have wanted...I know how you feel about abortion! You wouldn't consider it with Sawyer for a fucking second! I wanted us to terminate. I was so scared about loosing you after you were diagnosed! You wouldn't have any of it though'_

 _'Don't bring that up- that has zero to do-'_

 _'How doesn't it have anything to do with this?! You told me you could never do that! You told me no matter what you'd never, never do that. You're the one that wanted this Peyton! I don't understand! An abortion?!'_

 _'I changed my mind. I'm allowed to change my mind! You were right. We've done this- I don't want to do it again! I'm too old!'_

 _'You're not too fucking old! We're in our mid thirties...'_ _He stares at her hard. '...You're scaring me'_

 _She grimaces at his expression. 'Don't be scared'_

 _'We don't have secrets'_

 _'I don't'_

 _'No? Sweetheart you're pregnant' He tentatively settles his hand over her stomach. 'And you had no intention of sharing that with me' A tear races down his cheek and the lump in the back of her throat gets bigger. She says nothing. Her silence says a thousand words. She's not even attempting to contest his detective work now. 'I asked you straight out! I asked you and you lied to my face. You said you weren't!' Still she says nothing. Doesn't know what to say to make this better '...Are you...are you...unwell?'_

 _'What?' She whispers. She can see him wavering. He's distraught but fear is more apparent in his eyes than anything else, fear that has her shaking her head in an effort to ease his worries. 'No. No I'm fine'_

 _'If you think you're ill and you're scared and-'_

 _'I'm not ill Luke. I promise. I just...didn't want to stress you out. I didn't want you to have to deal with it'_

 _Another tear escapes. Because "it" is a baby and "it" is verbal confirmation. 'Deal with it? Do you really think I'd have been upset about this? This is you and me. Another Oli. Another Sawyer' The tears in her own eyes race free. It's inevitable. Because she doesn't know that this baby is him and her. She doesn't. 'I'd never have urged you to do this Peyt. Not after Sawyer'_

 _'I know'_

 _'Apparently you don't'_

 _'I'm sorry'_

 _'Sorry' He claws his hands into his hair. 'I don't know who you fucking are right now'_

 _'Don't say that-'_

 _'I'd never, never believe I'd ever be stood here having this conversation with you! You don't fucking believe in this! You don't fucking lie to me and you don't get to fucking make this kind of decision without me! You don't!'_

 _'It's my body!'_

 _'Uhuh and it's OUR life. OUR child. OURS'_

 _She nods tearfully. 'Ok. Ok. I'm sorry-'_

 _'I don't want you're sorry Peyton! For fuck sake I-'_

 _'I'll keep it. We'll keep it. We'll keep it' She frantically declares._

 _He looks at her like she's lost her mind. 'Just like that? You've been keeping this from me. Lying to me. Planning to get rid of our child behind my back and then you're onboard' He snaps his fingers. 'Just like that'_

 _'I just want you to be happy-I'll do anything you want. Anything-'_

 _'Happy?! What would make me fucking happy is if my wife would tell me what the fuck is going on! I don't understand! You were all but begging me for this! You wanted this! You're fucking someone else aren't you?'_

 _'No!-I could never Lucas!-'_

 _'It's the only plausible explanation! That or you're ill. Are you ill? Just tell me the truth-'_

 _'I told you no! Luke please-'_

 _'You know what I can't, I don't, I can't fucking look at you right now because I can't believe a word that comes out of your fucking mouth!'_

 _'Luke-'_

 _'I need some fucking air'_

 _•••_

She blinks. Winces into the artificial lighting. 'Honey?' Brooke's distinctive voice rasps. 'It's ok. I'm here'

'What...where, what happened?' She croaks.

'You're at the hospital. You collapsed at the prison'

She swallows thickly. Her mouth is dry.

Brooke fumbles for some water. 'Here sip on this'

'...Luke' Peyton murmurs as she gulps.

'Is worried sick' Brooke relays, situating the glass back on the table for the blonde 'Karen has gone to ring the prison now to let him know what's going on'

'Did he kick off?'

'Of course he did' The brunette confirms.

Peyton's face crumples because she knows her husband wouldn't have been able to bear not being allowed to escort her. Not being allowed to be there. Not being in the know as to what is going on with her.

'Where...who's with Sawyer?'

'Lil and Ollie have her'

'...am...is it preeclampsia? It's the same as before?'

'The Doctor is running tests. She's coming back in a sec but she says you're stable. She's checked the baby and her heartbeat is normal. She said it could simply be you're just stressed and had a funny turn or there might be other factors'

'Like preeclampsia?'

'I don't know. She didn't go into detail. She'll be back in a minute, try not to worry... Did something happen..at the prison?'

'His lawyer thinks he could... potentially get ten years' She whispers.

Brooke licks her lips, is notably rocked by this revelation '...honey' The brunette grips her hand. 'It, it'll be ok'

'...How?'

'Because you're strong. Because we're all here for you. Whatever happens I'm not going anywhere, Karen and Keith aren't going anywhere. We're going to get you through this and in the worse case scenario we'll keep appealing Peyt. We will. You know money isn't a factor in this-'

'We can't let you continue to pay for all of this-'

'That's my choice. What's the point in having money if I can't spend it on what I want and I choose to spend it on this' Brooke nods.

'Ah Mrs Scott' The Doctor's appearance interrupts them. 'It's good to see you're alert. I'm Doctor Strauss' Peyton offers her a weak smile. 'You gave your family a bit of a scare there today. How're you feeling?'

'Tired'

'Yes, well that's not that strange given the episode you had. Do you remember what happened?'

'I...I was upset. I, my husband made me sit down but I, I suddenly felt dizzy and my vision went all blurry' The Doctor nods. 'I guess that's when I blacked out. I don't remember anything after that'

'And how are you feeling now?'

'A bit nauseous and dizzy still. My pregnancy is high risk because I developed eclampsia with my daughter'

'Yes' The Doctor flips a sheet of paper over in the folder in her hand. 'I have your medical record here'

'Is it the beginning of that? Do I have preeclampsia?'

'Your blood sugar level is quite high'

'Blood sugar?' Brooke frowns.

'Yes. It's not so uncommon for women to develop gestational diabetes'

'I have diabetes?'

'I want to do a couple more tests but that's what I think is going on here. The likely hood is as soon as the baby is born your body will be able to regulate sugar levels once more but we just have to keep on top of it in the mean time to keep you and baby happy'

'So everything is ok? This is a manageable condition?'

'Manageable yes. It does mean you're at higher risk of going into labour early and have a higher risk of developing high blood pressure which-'

'Means preeclampsia'

'Which is why we need to help you keep on top of this. I'm going to have you checking your blood sugar levels everyday. You might have to start having some insulin injections but this might be manageable just by you following a strict exercise and diet plan. Would you say you have a balanced diet right now?'

Peyton hesitates.

'Peyton's family life is quite stressful right now. You've not exactly been great at looking after yourself have you P?' Brooke answers for her.

She licks her lips and sighs. 'No, I, I've not been great at making sure I'm eating properly and I, I've just found it hard to stomach anything a lot of the time...the morning sickness has only just eased off'

'Would you say you don't have a very good relationship with food?'

'I don't have an eating disorder, if that's what you mean' Peyton's eyes narrow. 'I just have a lot going on in my personal life right now that it's hard not to be stressed twenty four seven' She trails off.

'I'm sorry to hear that Mrs Scott' The Doctor hums. 'I was just trying to determine if there was a problem there that we needed to be addressed. We can help you try and embark on a healthier, balanced diet'

'Do you think I'm likely to develop preeclampsia?'

'I can't say but you managing the blood sugar levels will be a great start. I want you to start taking it easy'

'Does she need to go on bedrest?' Brooke asks the question she knows her friend won't.

'No. But I can't stress how important it is that you don't overdo it'

Brooke nods and Peyton rolls her eyes because she knows her best friend is going to take this more than seriously and she's going to be like her shadow for the foreseeable future, ensuring she doesn't lift a finger.

'One of my nurses will set you up with what you need to do to keep track of your sugar levels and I want you to book an appointment within the next couple of days with your usual Doctor. They'll monitor this with you and decide whether the injections are necessary or not. Ok?'

Peyton nods.

'Ok. Well I'll go get a nurse to come round to you in a bit and once she's run through everything you can go. Take care now'

'Thank you'

They both fall silent for a moment and wait for the Doctor to vacate the room. '...you ok?' Brooke softly asks.

'Yeah. She said it's manageable'

'Right...P do you really think you should go to the trial. You're so stressed right now and it's going to be so full on'

'Of course I'm going. I have to anyone, I'll be on the stand-'

'But if your health isn't ok they'll just have to work around it'

'My health is going to be fine because I have the best friend in the whole world who is going to no doubt pander over me until this baby is born'

'Well you are right about that. I'm here for the long haul P Sawyer. Always'

 _•••_

 _'What's going on with you?'_

 _'Nothing'_

 _'Nothing?' Brooke crosses her arms as she watches her best friend manically rifle through papers on her desk. 'Will you stop a minute and talk to me'_

 _'I'm kinda busy B-'_

 _'I don't care. This is getting ridiculous' Peyton looks up at her then her eyes wide. 'Luke has just been sobbing in my office P' Peyton's bottom lip trembles. 'He completely fell apart. I've never seen him like that. He completely broke down. He's beside himself worrying about you and he's not insane. I'm worried too!'_

 _'I'm fine-'_

 _'You're not fine. Someone that hides that they're pregnant and secretly tries to organise an abortion isn't fucking fine Peyton'_

 _The blonde's eyes bug out then. She supposes she shouldn't be surprised that her husband has let the cat out the bag and confided in her best friend but she sort of is. Because this is private. This was meant to be private. This was her secret. Just hers. It was safe just this morning but now she's fearing that this news is going to spread like wild fire and she can't have the whole world knowing. Can't._

 _'He had no right to tell you that!'_

 _'Yes he did! I'm your best friend and you clearly need someone right now! Why the hell wouldn't you tell him?! Why wouldn't you tell me?! You waited less than twenty four hours when you found out about Ollie because you were so bloody terrified and then with Sawyer you tried to wait until you'd had your first scan but you told me after a freaking week of finding out because it's us! Because you knew I'd be there for you whatever! Because you needed me! If you're not talking to me or Luke who are you talking too?' She interrogates._

 _'No one!'_

 _'Well why?! Why wouldn't you tell me?'_

 _'Because!' Peyton's hands flail before her. 'Of this! You're judging me!-'_

 _'I'm not judging you! I'm trying to understand! See my best friend has been saying she wants another baby since she moved here. My best friend would be over the moon about this-'_

 _'I changed my mind-'_

 _'Bullshit. What's happened? Are you ill?' Brooke's eyes become glassy then. She's been desperately trying to get to the bottom of her friend's mysterious behaviour and keeps coming back to the same theory. The only theory. 'You're sick and you, you don't want us to worry' She hoarsely assumes. 'Because, because that's what you do, you, you try and look after us all and you, you...'_

 _Peyton's face crumples. 'I'm not sick' In that moment the morning sickness she's been battling can't be kept at bay and contradictory to her declaration she scrambles toward the waste paper bin, dropping to the floor and emptying the contents of her stomach._

 _Brooke is of course beside her in an instant, a hand scraping her hair back helpfully, while the other rubs soothing circles on Peyton's tense back. 'Not at all sick' Brooke murmurs when her friend's retching finally subsides. 'You think it's finished?'_

 _'Mm'_ _Brooke efficiently removes the bin. 'Leave it B- I'll sort it in a minute'_

 _'Nonsense' Peyton sighs, feebly shifting herself to rest back against her desk as she tries to get herself together._

 _The brunette reappears some minutes later, glass of water in hand. 'Here'_

 _'Thank you'_

 _'Feel better?' Brooke enquires as she sinks back down to sit on the ground beside Peyton._

 _'Kinda'_

 _'...is it like with Sawyer?'_

 _'Worse' She expels wearily. The nausea is relentless. She doesn't know if the baby is completely at fault for her constant sickness though._

 _'Peyt please talk to me'_

 _'I...can't'_

 _'Since when? Since when don't you talk to me? Since when do you keep secrets from Luke? You tell him everything. Sometimes a whole lot more than necessary... This is everything you've been wanting. I can't believe I'm not sitting here squealing in delight with you! You wanted this-'_

 _'No I didn't!' Peyton snaps. 'I didn't ask for this! I wanted us to have another baby!'_

 _'And you are!'_

 _Peyton's nostrils flare. Brooke watches her best friend's face crumple before her._ _'...I don't know if...God Brooke I don't know if it's...I don't know if it's his'_

 _Silence befalls them._

 _Brooke tries to digest her words and what they imply. Peyton expects disgust. Expects accusations. Perhaps even a slap because Lucas isn't just her husband, Lucas is Brooke's friend too. It doesn't come. Tears gather in the brunette's eyes instead. '...No'_ _The blonde avoids Brooke's intense stare, fixates on her hands.'...I...no...Why didn't you tell me?' Brooke's voice wavers, full of compassion. Her fingers clasp around Peyton's tightly as her bottom lip wobbles. Of course her best friend knows what really happened. Her best friend knows her. Knows she'd never betray her husband. Knows how she feels. Knows that only one thing could have happened here._

 _'Telling you m-means i-it ha-happened'_

 _Brooke swallows thickly. '...When?'_

 _'Twelve weeks a-ago'_

 _Everything makes sense. The last 3 months._ _'God Peyton. You've been...all on your own'_ _Peyton sniffles. 'I...Where were you?'_

 _'It doesn't matter-'_

 _'It matters. We need to go to the police-'_

 _'No. I- I don't want that. I don't want-'_

 _'Lucas has to know. You can't keep this from him'_

 _'Yes I can!'_

 _'Honey he's your husband-'_

 _'Exactly! Mine. My husband. My world. Mine. This will kill him'_

 _'Because this whole situation isn't already killing him? He thinks you want to abort his baby Peyt. He thinks you want out of your marriage'_

 _A sob passes the blonde's lips then. 'We've o-only ever been t-together- I've never b-been with anyone but h-him'_

 _Brooke grimaces._ _'I know honey, I know but-'_

 _'He l-loves that! You d-don't u-understand how-how im-import-ant th-that is t-to h-him! A-and n-now-it it's ruined'_

 _'It's not ruined. He's going to be heartbroken yes. Heartbroken because you're his world but this doesn't need to destroy what you two have but by not being honest you're driving a wedge between you. By not letting him see that you're hurting-'_

 _'It's not the same!'_

 _'What?'_

 _'I, he's been so confused as to why I s-suddenly didn't want him touching me. I-I had to let him' Brooke's face crumples because her friend's disjointed words are heartbreaking. 'But, but I, I didn't...we've always been so, you know how much we...but I don't like it!' Her hands dig into her arms. 'I've, I've been dreading it, every time he touches me and he knows. He saw the other day! And now he thinks I'm having an affair'_

 _'Oh honey' Brooke swaddles her in her arms. 'You'll want to be with him like that again. You will. I promise. Of course you feel differently-'_

 _'Why?! He didn't hurt me! He didn't do this! I love him!'_

 _'I know you do but you've been hurt. You have to give yourself time to deal we the emotional ramifications. You've gone through something that's going to leave it's mark but-'_

 _'I don't want to be different!'_

 _'It's just going to take a while. You need time and Luke would know that if you told-'_

 _'I'm not telling him! And you're not either! Swear you'll not tell anyone! Swear-'_

 _'Ok, ok' Brooke murmurs. 'I'd never do anything you didn't want me to P, of course I wouldn't I just, I want to help you and I, I really don't think you keeping this a secret is helpful to you or Luke-'_

 _'Well it's my decision to make-'_

 _'Of course it is, of course it is. Whatever you want P. I promise._ _...was it at that gig at Trek we all went to? You stayed late to clear up after'_

 _'No, no it...' She pinches the bridge of her nose. 'It doesn't matter'_

 _'It matters. Did you know them?' Peyton's eyes dart up to Brooke's interrogating stare. 'You do' She swallows the lump in the back of her throat. 'Who? God Peyt who?'_

 _'I didn't know them. I didn't. You're right, it was at Trek. It, it happened so fast, I, I couldn't stop it. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. It's all I do. Replay it over and over. I just want it to fucking stop! I want this baby gone! I need this baby gone but now he fucking knows! What am I going to do?!'_

 _'Surely there's a chance it's Luke's?'_

 _'...It could be' She purses her lips together. 'But the pill has always worked for us_ _'_

 _'You're going to send yourself crazy if you try and figure out this baby's biology-'_

 _'I can't make him bring up a baby that isn't his-'_

 _'He wouldn't care! That's not who Luke is! You know he wouldn't care. He'd love anything that came from you'_

 _'Why is this happening?! What did I do?! Why is this happening to me?!' She gasps for breath and Brooke's hold on her tightens._

 _'There's no reason sweetie. None. You didn't make this happen. Fucking awful things happen to good people'_

 _'I want to go back to before! I-I can't...I f-feel sick all the, ti-time, I-I'm n-not sl-sleep-ing, I s-see it on a l-loop!'_

 _'Breathe Peyt. Try and breathe... god I wish you'd told me about this sooner...I'm right here' She runs her hand through the blonde's locks. 'I'm always gonna be here P. Let it out'_

 _She sobs loudly, body shaking. Cries that are long overdue. She's shed tears. Many. But she's not allowed herself to fall apart like this._

 _'I'm s-sorry' She eventually exhales._

 _'No. I'm sorry' Brooke cups her face. 'I'm so sorry P. I knew something was wrong I just, I didn't know what' She presses her forehead to Peyton's. 'I love you'_

 _'I l-love you too'_ _Peyton inhales shakily. 'I've got snot all over you'_

 _'Nah. Just a little' Brooke tries a smile and tentatively runs her thumbs under her best friend's eyes in an attempt to sort out the smudged mascara._

 _'Where's L-Luke?'_

 _'He's gone back home. I said I'd find you and bring you back'_

 _She nods. 'He...he was crying?'_

 _'...he's so worried about you'_

 _'I know. What am I going to say? I don't know how to make it right B?' She frantically looks into Brooke's face. 'And don't tell me to tell him the truth. That's not, I'm not doing that. I'm not'_

 _Brooke swallows. 'Please at least think about it honey...until then how about you...you tell him that you thought you were ill' The words leave a bad taste in Brooke's mouth because she doesn't condone this. Doesn't like the lies. The distressed girl before her taught her how lies never got you anywhere, that they manifested into darkness. The girl before her taught her the importance of honesty and truth. But the girl before her is panicked, is on the verge of breakdown. Has suffered enough. 'It's what we've both been sure of for the last week or so, so it wouldn't seem to farfetched. It's in his head. Just tell him you thought you were sick. That you were convinced you had what Ellie did. That you were getting pain. That you didn't want to tell him because you knew how scared he'd be. But it's alright. You've been checked out and everything is fine...tell him you only wanted an abortion because you convinced yourself you weren't going to be able to carry the baby to full term'_

 _Peyton takes a deep breath. 'You, you think he'll believe th-that? I, I wouldn't even consider it with Sawyer. I couldn't and he, he knows that'_

 _'I know but I think it's the only thing he might actually buy right now. But Peyt honestly-'_

 _'You think I should tell him the truth. I know. But you don't know him like I do. Ok? He, this, this'll...' She shakes her head. 'I'm not telling him... what, what if I still want an abortion though? Do, do you think he'll buy that I've miscarried?' Her eyes become glassy all over again._

 _'Is that what you definitely want?'_

 _'I don't know what I want. One day I do, the next I...if it's Luke's...god it would be like getting rid of Sawyer or Ollie...' Her tears overflow again._

 _'You've got more time to think about it Peyt. Let's, let's just take a few days ok? You're not on your own now. I'm gonna get you through this. Everything is gonna be alright. It will. I promise honey'_

 _•••_

'Peyton?' He breathes into the phone.

'Hey'

'Are you home?'

'Yeah'

'You're ok? How're you feeling? Have you seen the Doctor anymore Mum said they were running tests-'

'Everything's fine. I'm fine. The baby is fine. I'm sorry I scared you'

'You can't lie to me about your health. Ok? You can't lie to me'

'I'm not. I'm not. Everything is fine. I've got diabetes'

'What? That, that doesn't sound fine Peyton!'

'It's manageable and will go away when the baby is born'

'And that's why you collapsed'

'I think it was a combination of stress, pregnancy and that yeah'

'So it's not, it's not like before?'

'No. This does put me at higher risk but I'm already on high risk so it doesn't really change anything does it'

'Don't try and make things sound better than they are to me Peyt. It does change things. You're more high risk now than you were yesterday. Don't sugar coat things because I'm bloody in here'

'Like you haven't sugarcoated anything to me...I hate that we keep doing this; I hate that we keep leaving out certain truths. It was our rule and I know I'm the one that fucked it up but can, can we promise to just stop, please?'

'I promise' He breathes.

'I promise' She echoes. '...I think I did this'

'What?'

'I've not been eating properly. Not on purpose but I know I haven't'

'You didn't do this'

'...I've spent months of this pregnancy trying to decide if I want to terminate her Luke and now, now...maybe this is just karma'

'It's not karma. Like it wasn't karma with what happened with Sawyer. It's just bad luck. And we'll get through this like we got through it last time and I'm gonna make Mum and Keith and Brooke be your personal assistants for every bloody little mundane task there is, so much so that you're gonna hate me so much that you'll hope I never get outta here'

'That's not funny'

'No. I know'

'I'm scared. I want you'

He swallows thickly because her being the vulnerable one in their relationship isn't a frequent occurrence. He's use to her telling him everything will be fine. He's use to her sitting on his lap and pulling his head into her chest and cooing that they can get through anything. Until the last few months it'd been a rarity that he'd have her doubting anything. But his wife isn't the same anymore. Neither of them are.

'I know you are. I am too sweetheart. We'll get through it though. We will' She nods into the phone and he hears her stifled sniffle. 'We will baby'

'...I've been think I'm going to talk to Dan'

'What? No, stay away from him Peyton'

'He's going to make this all worse Luke! You know he is. I, I have to-'

'You're not to go near him. You hear me?'

'Don't talk to me like I'm five'

'What else am I suppose to do?! I can't fucking stop you from doing anything in here!' She hears him kick the wall in frustration. 'You were in hospital today, we're just discussing you resting not bloody thinking up some ridiculous plan to try and win over a man that can't be talked round' She sighs. Doesn't say anything. 'Even if you convince him not to take the stand and testify some ridiculous drivel it's not going to change anything in terms of me being sentenced. You're not to go near him. Promise'

'No. I just promised I wasn't going to lie to you so I'm not going to make a promise that I have no intention of keeping'

'You're impossible Peyton'

She smiles. 'Uhuh. But you knew that when you married me honey'

He can hear her smile. 'Don't bloody smile when I'm berating you'

'I can't help it. It's the first time you've talked to me like I'm me in weeks Luke'

He hesitates. '...I'm not trying to talk to you differently'

'I know' She murmurs. 'I guess I am different and this situation isn't normal right now. I'm not having a go...'

'If you go near him you need take someone with you. At least promise me that'

'...ok. I promise you I'll make Brooke come with me'

He sighs. 'But I don't want you going near him-'

'Yes honey. You've made that apparent'

'My time is up. They're only letting me talk to you right now because it's special circumstances. I'm gonna have to go'

'I love you. Don't hate me'

'Never have. Never will. I love you. Please look after yourself'

'I will'

 _•••_

 _'Do you hate me?'_

 _'Don't be absurd. I'm fucking frustrated with you Peyton! I just don't understand what's going on here. With you. With us-'_

 _'I know. I know...I'm so sorry Luke...I, I...you were right earlier. Not right just, I, I thought I was...I thought I was...'_

 _'Was?'_

 _'I thought I was ill' She watches him carefully. Tries to read what he's thinking. 'I...I've had pain'_

 _'Peyton' He lurches up from his seat and stalks over to her in all of a heartbeat. 'What kind of pain? Where?'_

 _She hates herself all the more in that moment. It's yet another lie. Another hole in the foundation of their relationship._ _'It's nothing. I, I went to my Doctor, she ran tests. I'm fine. It's nothing. I just, I'd convinced myself that I had what Ellie did and, and then I realised I was pregnant and I, I panicked I guess. I thought I wouldn't be able to carry it to full term. I thought I'd end up miscarrying and just, just wanted to save us that pain and end it before it, it became anything...'_

 _He frowns. 'You had this abortion appointment booked for next week-'_

 _'I got the call last night that I was all clear. I just hadn't got round to cancelling it..._ _I...I didn't want to hurt you Luke. I didn't want to tell you un-until I had the facts. I didn't want you worrying but I..I achieved that just fine didn't I?'_

 _He's squinting at her and she can't tell if he's about to call her on her bullshit._ _'I'm your husband. This is the kind of shit I'm here to get you through, to support you'_

 _'I, I know but I'm your wife Luke, I want to take care of you too'_

 _'We've always been a bloody team. In sickness and in health. That's the deal...You promise you're ok? What, what did the Doctor say? What's the pain?'_

 _'She thinks it was just to do with the pregnancy'_

 _'Is it the same as with Sawyer?' His face crumples at the prospect of reliving the hell of their last pregnancy._

 _'Everything looks normal at the minute'_

 _He inhales sharply. 'That, that's good. So...but it could go that way?' He's frowning and she knows what he's fearing and truth be told she's been so wrapped up everything else that she's not had time to focus on the possibility that this pregnancy could take the same path as it had when she'd been expecting Sawyer._

 _'There's every chance it won't too though Luke'_

 _'So...so you want.. the baby?'_ _She nods slowly. 'Yeah? You're not just saying that because of me?'_

 _'No'_

 _'Because if you seriously don't want to do this, if you're...'_

 _'I was scared Luke'_

 _'And you're not now?' Because he bloody is._

 _'No. Not with you by my side' She declares. He coasts his thumbs over her cheeks._

 _'You want the baby?'_

 _'Mm' She hums because she fears saying a word will have a sob passing her lips because he suddenly looks happy. Looks excited and she doesn't want him happy and excited because she's not decided. She's not decided what she's doing. 'Are you...happy?'_

 _'Of course I'm happy' His hand suddenly can't stay away from her abdomen. 'I, we're having a baby' He smiles. 'A baby' He tries to focus on that. Not on all the fears that come with this. Not with the darkness that has shrouded this. Not her behaviour. 'I, I'm so, so relieved Peyt...I...I, I've thought-'_

 _'I know. I'm not having an affair Luke. I swear. I'm so sorry that I made you even think that-'_

 _'You swear you're fine'_

 _'I swear'_

 _He nods. 'How, how many weeks?'_

 _'I...roughly 12 I, I think'_

 _'3 months' He smiles. 'Another baby' Blinks. Opens and closes his mouth. 'Here, come lay down. I want to hold you' She lets him guide her to the bed. '...Did Brooke come find you?'_

 _'Yeah'_

 _'You two talked?'_

 _'Yeah' He spoons her._

 _'She already knew?'_

 _'No, no. I told her everything though'_

 _'She made you come and tell me the truth?'_

 _'She talked sense into me'_

 _'Promise no more lies Peyt. I can handle it you know? You don't need to try and protect me. I'll forever be yours, forever be here to get you through whatever life throws at us. Ok?'_

 _'Ok'_

 _'I've never let you down before have I?'_

 _'No. Of course not'_

 _'You talked to me about your Dad. About Ellie. It...it hurts that you don't feel comfortable talking to me-'_

 _'I'm sorry. I just, this involved the possibility of you loosing me. I didn't want to put you through that. I couldn't handle anything happening to you Luke. I know I couldn't and I, I know you feel the, the same about loosing me'_

 _'I'm not going to loose you. Not ever Peyt' His hand rubs over her still flat belly. He knows if this pregnancy is anything like her previous two that she'll start showing within a couple of weeks. Just to him. Just when she's sans clothes. Just a swollen stomach that she'll liken to a food baby. That she'll stomp her feet and say she looks fat. That she'd rather it just show properly already so there's no confusion as to whether she's just put on weight all of a sudden. He'll tell her that her that she's beautiful because she will be. And then when she's really properly showing he'll be husking in her ear that she's damn sexy because she will be. Her changing body always will be to him, it's pride that the changes it'll go through is his doing. Pride that his child is growing in her belly. Pride that she's the mother of his children. Pride that she's his wife. His._

 _He tilts her face toward him and nuzzles her nose. 'I love you'_

 _'I love you' She echos._

 _He kisses her. It's just closed lips. Sweet. Gently. But his tongue is soon probing and she opens her mouth to him. Kisses him back just as fiercely. Tries to convey that she really does love him. It's only when his hands start to wander south does she abruptly pull away._

 _He watches her carefully. Watches her eyes skitter away from him. Watches her mouth open and close as she tries to summon words._

 _'It's ok. You don't want to' He assumes._

 _'D_ _on't hate me' Her face crumples._

 _'Why do you keep saying that? Us not having sex doesn't result in me hating you'_

 _'But we've never, I've never, I know I'm being weird._ _I...I just don't want you to think it's you. It's not you. I, I just feel gross all the time right now. I don't feel like it. I don't know why but it's not you. It's not-_ _'_

 _'Shh' he cuts her off. 'Baby it's fine' He strokes her cheek. 'It's probably your hormones. I'm not offended-'_

 _'This is why you didn't want a baby though isn't it? Because you don't want to share me._ _Because there'd be someone needing more of my attention when my attention is already split three ways and now I'm being-'_

 _'Peyton' His hands cup her face hard. 'Do you really think I'm so selfish?' He wonders. 'Ollie and Sawyer haven't ever got in the way of us-'_

 _'You've changed your tune'_

 _'When I was saying all that shit I was talking more about us travelling and going where we want, when we want. I wasn't talking about sex._ _You think I'm really that much of a dick?'_

 _'...you like sex'_

 _He smiles. 'Well I'm not about to deny that...so do you'_

 _'...I don't like telling you I don't feel like it'_

 _He shifts closer to her. 'I've noticed' He murmurs. 'But I think that's because you're not use to not feeling like it Peyt' He plays with her fingers. 'If anything with Sawyer and Ollie you wanted to do this all the more. But this does happen, I don't think it's weird for you to be feeling the way you are and it's completely fine. I can survive you know' He smiles._

 _'You can?'_

 _He laughs. 'You're talking like I'm a sex addict sweetheart. I can cope just fine and my main concern right now is you and this one and that means you not stressing, you doing what feels right for you and me rubbing your feet at every opportunity' He sits up and pulls her feet into his lap. 'And when you want me in that way you just need to say the word, Ok?'_

 _A weary smile touches her lips. 'I don't know why you're still with me Lucas Scott'_

 _He draws her foot up to his mouth and leaves a kiss on the sole of her foot. 'Because I love you, you loon. You're never going to be without me, ever'_


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter Twelve.** **(As always _Italics_ = Flashbacks)**

'There. Stop' Brooke blurts. 'Go back, back'

Karen fiddles with the keys before her and the moving images rewind.

Peyton is on her feet in all of a second but lingers back. She doesn't want to be here. It was Brooke's idea. So full of optimism as always. Optimism that Peyton can't seem to summon these days.

Karen hits play.

'There' Brooke jabs at the screen. 'There we are coming in'

Peyton steps forward, squints at the tv or more precisely the figures in the distance near the entrance to Trek.

'This was early. 9pm so we've just arrived. We should check all cameras from then onward. Do you remember where you were most of the night P? That night is a little foggy for me' Brooke looks back at her friend as Karen pulls up several more windows and adjusts the play marker to the desired time.

'When Luke arrived we were on the left side of the bar- you know near my favourite table?'

Karen soon manages to locate them again, this time from a different angle.

Peyton sighs as she watches the fuzzy footage of herself fling her arms around her husband. She didn't know it was possible to envy herself but she does. Because the girl on the screen is a different version of herself. Albeit it's not the most detailed of footage, but it's detailed enough for her to depict her smile, to see the delight in her eyes. She's happy.

'And then we were at the bar for a good while weren't we?' Brooke recalls.

Karen shifts focus to another camera's footage. This time only the backs of their figures can be seen.

'What was that?' Karen kinks her brow and looks to Brooke because she's just seen her son shake hands with the brunette.

'Oh me and Luke were just bargaining on who got P Sawyer for the night'

'You two are ridiculous' Peyton mutters.

'I won'

'No I won'

'Oh honey, you always think you win but me and Luke make deals all the time' She grins mischievously at the blonde who shoves her in answer.

'You don't think I know about your stupid little handshakes and secret conversations?' Peyton chimes. 'Subtlety isn't either of your strong points...And I know exactly when you've been to visit him too' She adds. 'Items appear in my house that weren't there before. Items I know he's instructed you on getting B'

Brooke interlinks her fingers with her best friend then, a sheepish look on her face that Peyton isn't use to seeing. 'We love you is all P'

'I know...I really do appreciate everything you've done for me lately. The both of you' She glances at Karen.

'No thank you is necessary sweetheart'

'Nope. We've got your back P'

'I know I've not made it easy for either of-'

'Oh don't you dare apologise' Kare flaps her hand dismissively because if anything she thinks her daughter-in-law has been dealing with this like a warrior.

'There' Peyton's attention strays and the women either side of her avert their stare back to the screen. Karen slows down the footage. 'You're going to the toilets. Luke is at the bar'

Brooke's grasp on her best friend's hand tightens as they all watch.

'There he is' Karen's finger trails the male figure that's approaching the blonde. She's surrounded by other people for a moment. She takes a sip of her drink. Puts it down on the nearest table.

They clearly watch his hand snake around her waist. Jolts her back to him with purpose. She leans into him. Rests her head against his chest.

His head twists, surveys the bar.

'He's checking Luke is still occupied' Brooke mutters in disgust.

'This isn't how I remember it' Peyton whispers. 'Why aren't I moving?'

'You thought it was Luke' That much is apparent to Karen.

'I know but I...I remember it being a few seconds..' She trails off because she has just moved. Sharply. Spun around. Is staring at Nathan in shock. 'You can't see anything. I told you this wouldn't prove anything. If anything it looks like I was leading him on' Peyton's voice wavers.

Brooke rubs her back. 'It doesn't look like that at all. It looks like you thought your fucking husband just came up behind you honey-'

'To you, because you know me. To someone unbiased...' Peyton shakes her head. 'To a fucking jury it looks like I'm having an affair with my brother-in-law. Showing this to anyone isn't going to help'

'Honey we're just covering all grounds to help prove Nathan's death was manslaughter not predetermined'

Peyton pinches the bridge of her nose. 'But I don't feel like proving I was raped suggests it's manslaughter at all, if anything there's more just as much motive-'

'A jury will side with him over a rapist. They will'

'Even if that is the case Luke getting charged for manslaughter is the best case scenario right now isn't it?...he's still going to have to do time-'

'P' Brooke cuts her off. 'Stop. We're not thinking about that. We're taking one day at a time' She softly coaches. 'And right now we're making progress. We have Rachel and Trey willing to testify. This-'

'This is nothing Brooke. Lucas was convinced I was having an affair, he was. If my own husband thought so then a bloody group of strangers are going to-'

'Your behaviour wasn't exactly normal honey. Luke knows you better than anyone. He knew something was wrong and you weren't telling him what, of course his mind began to spiral'

'We've not looked at this camera footage yet. It's on the other side of you so will give another angle' Karen murmurs.

Both Peyton and Brooke's attention return back to the screen. The moving images are zoomed in closer from this viewpoint, both of their faces more visible.

'Did he say something to you?' Brooke squints because it looks like he's speaking into her friends ear for this point of view.

'I..I don't remember him saying anything. It was loud in there'

'Look, this clip definitely shows you're uneasy Peyton. You can see the exact point you realise it's not Luke' Karen murmurs, can tell by the blonde's startled expression that she's realised the man behind her isn't that of her husband; her expression is fierce and disapproving.

'I could smell him. He felt different. It still doesn't show anything incriminating in the grand scheme of things does it though?' Peyton sighs. 'I told you this was a waste of time'

'I don't think so honey. You can tell you didn't want his hands on you. It shows that he was pursuing you and you weren't interested'

'I just don't want to bring this to light if it's going to be used against us. You know how these things get turned around. What if it makes it all worse and just helps the opposition?'

Brooke twists away from the screen suddenly. 'Peyt does Dan have security?'

'What?'

'At his house. I mean it's bloody big enough. He's the kind of person I could imagine having cameras up around the house. He had someone break in a few years back right? Especially after that I can imagine him going to great lengths with security'

'...there's cameras at the gates outside. I've never noted anything inside'

'We should ask'

'Dan blames me- you really think he's going to help me let alone let us snoop around his mansion?'

'Not us...Ollie though. He knows his grandson hasn't been at home. Knows there's been friction. It wouldn't be completely ridiculous for him to go to Dan and give him the impression that he thinks his mother is to blame too and then he can-'

'I don't want Ollie getting involved in this more than he already bloody is and he's definitely not stepping foot in that house-'

'I can do it Mum'

'Jesus christ!' Peyton spins around at her son's interruption. 'How long have you been stood there?'

'A while'

'You're meant to be at school'

'School finished an hour ago'

'What?' Peyton frantically seeks out her watch. 'Shit-'

'Don't worry, I got Sawyer. She's at the bar. You know how she likes pretending to make cocktails'

'Honey you shouldn't eaves drop' Karen hums.

'Sorry' He apologises hastily. Sorry seems to be his catchphrase lately. 'But Brooke's right, Dan keeps contacting me'

'What?' Peyton shakes her head. 'Ollie you have to tell me this stuff'

'Like you keep telling me stuff?'

'Sweetheart I'm the adult and quite frankly you've not exactly been here to tell anything to have you?'

'No. I know Mum. Let me help make this right. I did this-'

'You didn't do this. Honey I love that you want to help but the best way you can do that is just by going to bloody school and being a big brother to your sister. That's all I want'

'There are cameras in his house though. I know there is. That's where it happened then?' He assumes.

'There are cameras inside?'

'Uhuh. I was there when he had them installed. They'd been a break in so he suddenly got this intense security system. You and Dad were going to Brooke's store opening and Nan and Grandad were on that cruise and couldn't look after us so we spent the day there. I thought it was really cool and entertained myself imagining I was in some James Bond film' He recollects.

'The police have made enquiries with Dan. If there was footage of anything they'd have it'

'...Or not' Karen sighs. 'This is Dan we're talking about honey'

•••

 _'Where were you?' He barks and she jumps at his tone._

 _'What?' She frowns because she's not use to his aggressive nature. Not use to the accusing look he's giving her and she doesn't understand._

 _'Where. Were. You?'_

 _'I told you-'_

 _'You told me you were going to meet Mia. Guess who I ran into in town earlier Peyton?' He spits. She stiffens. Her mind races. 'Mia! I was surprised to see her seeing as you were supposedly going to spend the day with her in Charlotte. She asked how you were because you've not seen her in years' She feels short of breath. She's been caught in yet another lie. 'Who. Is. He?'_

 _She turns around abruptly because she can't look at him. 'There's no one-'_

 _'Don't you fucking lie to me' He grabs at her, jerks her around. 'You're my wife Peyton. Mine. And that makes me deserving of the truth damn it' She's wide eyed. 'Who?'_

 _'Do you not know me at all?' She wonders. It's a whisper._

 _'No. It seems fucking not. See I was stupid. I was under the illusion that my wife didn't lie to me!'_

 _She swallows thickly. He's raging. And his assumptions can't be ridiculed. Not really because how can she blame him? She's not been honest and it doesn't matter how sure of her, how well he knows her, she's planted a seed of doubt and it's flourishing in his mind. Hungrily devouring his trust for her._

 _'Let me go-'_

 _'Who is he?!'_

 _'There is no he!' She growls._

 _'Where were you?'_

 _'Please stop. Please' She closes her eyes._

 _'No I won't! I'll never stop. You can't leave me. You can't!' He sinks to the ground abruptly and his hands grapple round her waist, keeping her prisoner. 'I...I'll forgive you'_

 _'You'll forgive me?' Her lashes flutter open, her teary eyes trying to focus on him._

 _'Yes. I can't be without you Peyton. Of course I'll forgive you. I just need the fucking truth. I need to know who he is'_

 _'You'd forgive me if I'd had an affair?' He swallows thickly. 'Because I wouldn't forgive you' She breathes. '...I'd never forgive you'_

 _'I know. But I'd never do that-'_

 _'Nor would I!' She tersely retorts. 'There's nothing to forgive. I've not done anything Luke and you should know that'_

 _'...just tell me where you were'_

 _'...I had a Doctor's appointment' She comes clean._

 _'...for the baby?' She licks her lips. 'Are you having pain again?' He staggers back to his feet, his hands clutching hers._

 _'No'_

 _'No. So it was a check up for the baby? Why wouldn't you tell me?! I want to come with you to-'_

 _'It wasn't a check up. I was talking to someone about all my options'_

 _'Options' He repeats._

 _She nods slowly and suddenly the tears she's kept at bay can't be fought off for a moment longer. '...I can't do it Luke'_

 _'Can't do it'_

 _'I don't want this baby'_

 _Lucas's eyes round and Peyton's stare skitters to the ground. '...You said you did'_

 _'I...I know. I, I didn't want to upset you. I, I know you feel d-differently. I-'_

 _'So what?! You were just going to tell me after you'd had a fucking abortion?! Have you already done it?!'_

 _'No, no of course not I, I just wanted to talk-'_

 _'You wanted to talk to a fucking stranger but you don't want to confide in your own husband?!'_

 _'Luke-'_

 _'Was everything you said before a lie?! I don't understand what the fuck is wrong with you?' Her brow shoots up. A stinging sensation in her nose because he's never spoken to her with so much aggression before. He's never looked so raging mad. And she knows she's responsible. Knows she can't blame him. 'I'm going to ask you one more time. Are you having an affair?'_

 _'I love you Luke! I love you. No one else!' She cups his face. 'You know that. You know me' She emphasises. 'Even, even if in some insane hypothetical universe I fell for someone else...' She shakes her head because even hypothetically it seems ridiculous. 'I'd tell you. I'd never cross that line! I'd never do that to you! I'd tell you. I'd end things before ever crossing that line. You know I would. I vowed to be faithful to you!' She nuzzles her nose against his. 'I love you I just don't want this! I'm sorry but I, I don't want it! I'm happy with how we are I don't want to ruin that' She kisses him._ _He exhales heavily. Is drawn into her words._ _'I promise' She kisses him harder. He doesn't respond. 'I'm yours. No one else's. You're all I want. I want you. Only you. You didn't want this either. You didn't! You just want me and you can have just me'_

 _He lurches then. She shrieks in surprise as he abruptly devours her mouth. 'You want me?' He's been doubting that. It's eating away at him._

 _'Always'_

 _His hands soon go between them to undo her jeans and she pulls away most abruptly, her fingers covering his because she wasn't talking about sex. 'Luke' Panic rises and she's painfully aware of how different things are between them. They'd had few huge blow outs in their marriage but it usually went this way. After they'd both feel better. Sorry's would be made. Compromises when necessary. And then slow kisses and sex that'd be the polar opposite to the angry affair that had taken place. She'd welcome it all. But she doesn't now. Her cheeks become hot. Despite her interfering fingers he's got the button free._

 _'I need to make sure my wife knows that she's mine'_

 _'I know I'm yours'_

 _'Yeah? Cause I think you keep forgetting'_

 _'I don't'_

 _'Well lets just remind you' Sh_ _e gasps as he jerks her around so her back is to his chest, one hand holding her hip the other around her waist._

 _'The kids are gonna come back soon Luke' She swallows. Holds onto the hand on her stomach. He's walking her forward._

 _'You just said you wanted me'_

 _'I do...' She trails off. She's in front of the table now and she knows his intention in all of a heartbeat and she looses the plot because she can't do this this way._ _She hears his belt buckle being unfastened and tries to flee but he holds her steady. Her hands splay out on the table top._ _'Not like this-'_

 _'You like it like this'_

 _'No. I don't'_

 _'Liar-'_

 _'Lucas stop' She growls._

 _Her voice has his hands slacken because he's alarmed by her tone. Because she's not just pissed she's distressed. And he's not his brother. That realisation hits her hard. He's not her brother-in-law. This is her husband. But she's past the point of no return and her hysteria is evident. She hastily turns around and he's startled by her expression. She's frightened._

 _She slaps him. Her hand sounding hard on his cheek. Her fingers then bawl into fists. Collide with his chest. Hard._

 _'Peyton!' He blinks. Is stunned by her attack. His nose is stinging. His cheek prickling. She's never, never in all their years of marriage, every raised a hand to him._

 _'Don't ever touch me like that!'_

 _'What?' He's frowning. His hands trying to keep her at bay. He's confused because he's sure at this point he's had her in every way possible and she's been more than vocal about how she likes it when he takes charge. When he manhandles her._

 _'I said stop!'_

 _'Jesus I've stopped. You need to fucking stop!'_

 _She's well aware that he's looking at her like she's insane then. She goes to run away._

 _'No you fucking don't' He grabs her arm. 'You don't get to run away! Christ Peyton! You just hit me'_

 _'I c-can't br-breathe' She gasps. Her chest feels tight._

 _'What?' She feels dizzy. Everything is spinning. 'Here, sit down, sit down' He hurries her over to the nearest chair._

 _She breathes exaggeratedly. The mixture of rage, jealously, lust and confusion is gone from his eyes. He's concerned. He fetches her a glass of water and squats down before her, hands gently on her knees as she gulps down the drink. 'Better?'_

 _'...I'm ok. I'm ok'_

 _He doesn't know if she's telling him or herself that._

 _'Does your chest hurt?'_

 _'...No I...I don't, I'm fine. I'm not having a heart attack'_

 _'No. I was thinking more panic attack'_

 _'No. I'm fine. Really'_

 _'...you're not fine...What was that?'_

 _'I'm sorry' She whispers. 'I'm so sorry'_

 _'I don't want sorry. What. Was. That?' He stares at her hard. 'I'm really loosing my shit in case you hadn't noticed!'_

 _'I'm sorry!'_

 _'Peyton fucking talk to me' It's a quiet exhale._

 _'I'm not my-myself. I d-don't know what's wrong with me!'_

 _'You hit me'_

 _'You frightened me!'_

 _'Why on earth would you be frightened of me?! When have I ever given you reason to be afraid of me?! Tell me?'_

 _'You, you haven't. I just, I didn't, I didn't want to and you, I didn't think you were going to stop'_

 _'You didn't think I'd stop?!' He's mad now. 'You think I'm capable of raping you?!'_

 _'Of, of course not! But, but you were, are angry-'_

 _'And we've had angry sex plenty of times before- you've even asked me to be rough with you on countless occasions Peyton! I thought we trusted each other impeccably'_

 _'I do trust you!'_

 _'Clearly. You don't want me touching you. You're not pregnant. You are pregnant. You don't want the baby. You do want the baby. You want an abortion. You don't want an abortion. How am I meant to fill trusted when you can't tell me the truth-'_

 _'I don't want it. That's the truth...I don't want anymore children' Her eyes remain locked on her hands. '...I want to give you everything but I can't, I can't give you this'_

 _'...then we get an abortion' He nods curtly. 'If that's what you want'_

 _'It's what I want'_

•••

'Mum please' Oliver softly begs. 'I can do this'

Peyton shakes her head. She's grateful that her mother in law and best friend had cottoned on for the need for her to speak to her son alone and have gone to go check her daughter is ok. 'It's not about whether you can do this. I'm telling you you're not'

'Why?'

'Because sweetheart, I'm not risking for anything, you being caught up in all this-'

'I already am! It's my fault-'

'No-'

'Which room did it happen in?'

'Ollie-'

'If I know it'll save time and-'

'You're not listening to me!'

'I promised Dad I'd step up and look after you-'

'He didn't mean like this. He meant by doing as your god damn mother tells you'

'What're you so scared of? If we find anything it'll help prove everything and will be better for Dad right?'

'I don't know that anything is going to be better for Dad at this point Ollie! I don't know anything. I don't know what the right thing is!

'Sit down Mum' He pulls out a chair and she rolls her eyes at his pandering. 'Please'

She rubs her belly as she appeases him and takes a seat.

'Is the baby ok?' He wonders, his stare is on her hand.

'She's moving loads now that's all' Peyton hums. '...you want to feel?' His eyes flicker up to her face. 'Or not, it's ok if you don't-'

He's before her though and his hand goes to where hers is because he doesn't want her to continue thinking he's repulsed by her as his father had warned.

She shifts his fingers slightly lower and presses them firmly against her rounded belly. Waits. A second passes but he then feels something beneath his fingers.

'Feel it?'

'Yeah'

'You remember feeling Sawyer like this?'

'Yeah'

'You use to love watching my belly moving'

'I thought there was an alien in there'

'She is a wild cat'

'Yeah' He smiles at the thought of his sister. '...Sawyer needs Dad Mum, you need Dad and...and this baby needs him. Nothing is going to happen to me snooping around Dan's house-'

'The answer is no Ollie, one of us will look-'

'But-'

'But nothing I want to talk to Dan anyway. The answer is no'

•••

 _'I couldn't do it. I couldn't. His face' Her head is in her hands. 'He thought I was asleep the other night and he, he had his hands on my belly and he was talking to it and fuck I, I couldn't. I couldn't. I was imagining Sawyer and Ollie and it could be his, it could'_ _Brooke nods, her arm is around her best friend and she rubs her back soothingly. 'I can't change my mind again. That's it now, he was so happy when I told him I'd cancelled the appointment' She whispers. 'I've yo-yoed back and forth too much and every time I, I change my mind I'm sending him in-into turmoil a-and he, he thinks I'm a complete psy-psycho'_

 _'You need to tell him the truth honey. I know I've said it a thousand times. Please, it's time now. You have to see that you can't go on like this. I mean your marriage is being pushed to the limit here. You two can survive anything together but you can only do that if you're honest. That's your policy. That's your motto. It's not mine it's yours'_ _Peyton's lips quiver because she knows her best friend is right. Knows she's broken the vow she made to her husband._ _'How is this any better right now than it would be if he knew the truth?'_

 _'Because I don't want him to know. It'll ruin us-'_

 _'No. The lies are ruining your relationship' Brooke interrupts. 'You were raped. Lucas loves you. You really think this is going to change that?'_

 _'He'll blame himself'_

 _'And you're blaming yourself honey but this isn't anyones fault other than the sick bastard that did this...he can help you through this better than anyone...I need you to tell him for me' Brooke murmurs. She's trying a new tactic that she fears could go the wrong way. 'I can't handle this by myself Peyt' She quietly declares. It's a guilting move, she knows but she's tried every other approach. 'The reason you can't make a decision about this baby is because you should be making it with him. Please tell him'_

•••

'Why don't you sit'

'I'm fine standing' She crosses her arms. 'Are you really going to take to the stand and claim Luke is guilty?' She's surprised he let her in. She's surprised he's talking to her. She's not going to make small talk. They're past that.

'My son is dead Peyton-'

'And you want to help make your other son go down for it. You really think he did this?' She's not quite sure how she's here. In this house. She's not been back here since that night. Had no need to and certainly no desire. She's not stepping foot in the kitchen. That's for sure. She's staying safely in the living room.

'No I think he's protecting his precious wife. I have no intention of claiming he's responsible for this'

Peyton watches him carefully. She's not so naive as to celebrate his claim. 'Because you're going to imply it was me' She figures. The thought doesn't feel her with dread as she's sure it's meant to. Detracting from Lucas doesn't seem the worst thing in the world and she knows that she's already been ruled out. According to Lucas's lawyer anyway. Apparently the angle of the stab wounds don't correspond with her frame. Apparently there's no physical way she could've done it. Not that she's about to confide that in Dan. 'You really think I was having an affair with Nate and then killed him? Why would I kill him?'

'People do crazy things under stress. Your marriage was at risk-'

'And killing him would achieve what exactly?'

He ignores her question. 'So you admit you were having an affair'

She looks at him exasperatedly then because she most definitely didn't just insinuate that. 'No. You know I wasn't. You really think what you saw was a kiss that day? You didn't see me slapping him? You didn't see me pushing him away?' Dan swirls his drink around his tumbler. 'I've never, never been unfaithful to Lucas'

'No?'

'No' She grinds out. She's glad Brooke hadn't made more of a fuss in actually coming into the living room with her because she's pretty sure the ballsy brunette would have lost her temper by now. 'Why would I? I'm so in love with him. Still after all these years. Luke is it'

'Now I believe that, I do. I think your marriage is very important to you but it's been a long time. People get bored, eyes wander-'

'Your eyes might wander yes! People are capable of being faithful. I don't understand why you're stepping up to protect Nathan now he's gone when you've spent the most part of his life tearing him down and refusing to help him'

'Refusing to help him? Sweetheart your darling husband convinced me to give my son a substantial amount of money that I'm not going to be getting back-'

'This is about money? You feel hard done by? We all gave Nathan money! Jesus more than half of my kids college funds went to Nathan! But you get over that because you do anything to help your family. At least I do!'

Dan lets his hand drop heavily onto the arm of his chair. 'I think Nathan failed to mention to either of you that I'd been supportive enough to actually employ him! As foolish as it was. You see, regardless of what you think about me, I have always stepped up for my son! And I now have an array of unhappy people! This isn't good for Tree Hill-'

'This isn't good for Tree Hill' She cuts off, her eyes wide. She's regretting not taking up his offer of sitting because she's feeling queasy but she won't sit on the empty sofa.

'I'm the mayor Peyton! The mayor. I can't have everyone buying into this story, they'll loose their trust and-'

'It's not a story! This is about you and you only. You and your precious image. Not Tree Hill. Tree Hill looses nothing-'

'Nothing? Do you know how many sponsors pulled out of schemes over the last six weeks because this god damn mess became public knowledge? Schemes that help people Peyton. Sponsors that provide funding for things like providing orphaned kids with a better quality of life, providing runaways with a safe haven, domestically abused women with protection. And without funding these schemes don't exist. Schemes that we've spent years establishing. So you say Tree Hill doesn't loose out but I beg to differ' His riled words strike a chord as he knows they will.

She swallows. '...the dust will settle. If you're good enough at your job you'll prove to the people that you're not a reflection of Nathan's actions' She mutters.

He laughs. Loudly. 'Oh so you think I'm a good man now do you?'

'No. My husband grew up with barely any input from you in his life. That's a choice you made that will never have me thinking you're a good man because I have two children that I could never, never abandon. But I'm also grateful because maybe Lucas would've turned out just like Nate had he not had Keith for a father instead. And you're still letting him down. You're claiming your actions are fuelled by good and maybe they are. But over the years I've watched you walk all over people to get what you want and money has been at the heart of your every decision so forgive me for not buying that you're concerned about the greater good here...You know I wasn't having an affair don't you? You know he raped me don't you?'

Dan sighs. '...You've always been a pretty little thing haven't you? I can't blame him for chasing you'

'You can't blame him for raping me?'

His head swivels to look at her then, a frown on his face. 'I didn't say that at all'

'You might as well have' She hisses.

'He never was good at sharing. Lucas was always so giving, so eager to please. Nate always wanted, wanted, wanted'

'Perhaps because Lucas was bought up by two wonderful human beings that taught him simple skills! That taught him people aren't possessions, I'm not a toy that can be shared Dan!'

'Do you want a drink? You're awfully riled sweetheart'

'I'm pregnant, I'm not drinking' She glares.

'Of course, sorry' She doesn't like his smile one bit. 'He always was fond of you, Nathan I mean. But you knew that didn't you?'

'He was my brother-in-law. I thought we were family. I thought we were friends'

'I don't condone what he did but I don't think he was completely at fault. You knew him. You weren't blind to the way he looked at you I'm sure' She wraps her arms around herself tightly. 'You strung him along' Her eyes widen. 'Danced with him. Drank with him. Laughed with him. Tried to make him feel better about himself-'

'He was my brother-in-law, why wouldn't I want him to find happiness? Why wouldn't I try and make him feel better about himself?! I wanted that for him and for Luke!'

'Here's what I think happened that night. He was upset. You went outside, had a little smoke together. You tried to calm his nerves. You didn't turn down the glass of wine he poured you. Didn't attempt to stop him from drinking a glass himself because he was so wound up. Despite knowing he'd been doing so well sober. You comforted him. Held him. And then you realised you were being too handsy and giving him mixed messages and you backed off. Was he wrong in thinking you weren't inviting his affections? Was he wrong to think you wanted him to follow you to the kitchen? When moments before you'd been telling him how he deserved to find love, how he could be happy. That you knew there was someone for him-'

'How do you know it happened in the kitchen?' It's all she's focused on. Her heart is pounding. She blinks. 'How do you know we smoked?' There are elements of his description that are scarily accurate.

'He told me what you were accusing him of sweetheart. You think I'm a monster but my son did come to me with his problems more than you know' He watches her through narrowed eyes. 'I'm sorry that he didn't control himself. I don't condone what he did, but I'm not convinced he was completely at fault for the misunderstanding'

'Misunderstanding' A tear races down her cheek. '...Saying no can't be misunderstood...' She doesn't understand. She's never been this man's biggest advocate. Never liked him but she'd never felt the hatred that is currently radiating through her because he clearly has no moral compass, nor compassion. 'You don't care about me. Fine' She mutters. 'But think about your grandchildren and what not having a father is going to do to them. We, we'll find the money to pay you back for whatever business you, you loose if this is about the money. You've lost one son and you're going to loose the other too'

'I think you best go check your friend hasn't gotten lost. We both know how she likes to snoop huh?' Peyton stiffens. 'And I'd hate to have you both escorted from the property'

'What happened to you?' She whispers. 'This baby is your grandchild. And you're trying to condemn them to a life without their father'

'No darling. There's every chance that baby's Daddy dearest is already dead and gone. I'm not condemning them to anything. You did that all by yourself'

•••

 _'What's up kid?' Lucas glances up at his son. His stare quickly returning when he notes the eighteen year old's pale complexion. 'Are you alright?'_

 _'I...'_

 _Lucas quickly stands. 'What's wrong?...Ollie?'_

 _'It...it's Mum'_

 _'What?' A knot is quick to form in his stomach. 'She's with your Aunt Brooke at the store'_

 _'Yes'_

 _'Is she ok? Have you just seen her?' Oliver swallows. 'Ollie?'_

 _'I...I overheard them...Aunt Brooke said she'd pay me to pack up some deliveries and they were out back and...'_

 _'Okay' His brow furrows. 'If you've overheard what she's planning to get you for Christmas just do me a favour and fake it-'_

 _'No. I...She was crying...'_

 _Lucas sighs because his wife crying had once been a rarity and now he feels likes every five seconds she's in tears. 'She's a bit emotional at the minute' He treads carefully. He's assumed this pregnancy is at the route of her consistent meltdowns._

 _'I...I know what's wrong with her Dad'_

 _Lucas digests his words. 'Your Mum has had a hard time lately Ol...Look we wanted to sit you and Sawyer down and talk to you about it'_

 _'You know?' He asks incredulously. He's confused._

 _'Of course I know. We didn't exactly plan this so it's been a bit of a shock and your Mum is still getting her head around it but that doesn't mean we're not happy about it. Your Mum is going to be emotional because of all her hormones'_

 _The eighteen year old's frown deepens because he's quick to come to the conclusion that his father most definitely isn't talking about the same thing 'What?'_

 _'Well when you're pregnant hormones change you know? So your Mum being up and down it's just-'_

 _'Wait. You're talking about her being pregnant'_

 _'Yes...' Lucas answers slowly. 'I thought that's what we were talking about. Shit you didn't know?' Lucas cringes. 'Your Mum is gonna kill me. I know it might be a bit of a shock. It was a shock for us too and she didn't tell me right away, hence her abnormal behaviour lately. I know it'll be strange for you, having a baby brother or sister at eighteen but me and your Mum, we had you so young, it's not like we're old. A lot of people our age are on their first baby' He rambles on. 'Mum had Lil when I was fourteen and it might not be your average sibling relationship but I love her so much and you'll love this baby too'_

 _'I did know she's pregnant cause I overheard you two arguing about it the other week' Oliver quietly confesses._

 _'You knew before today?'_

 _'Yeah... She'd booked an abortion. You were arguing about it. Loudly'_

 _'Shit' He feels like an awful parent in that moment because he knows his son has overheard words he's not proud of then. 'Ollie that, I...your Mum was confused and I...I didn't handle it very well. We're alright now though and-'_

 _'I know why she doesn't want the baby'_

 _'She does want the baby' Lucas frowns. 'She just thought, it doesn't matter what she thought. We've talked about it Ollie. We both want the baby-'_

 _'No she doesn't! She doesn't want it'_

 _Lucas frowns because he can't handle her changing her mind again and he doesn't understand her indecision when it comes to this. Doesn't understand why she's on the fence. Can't understand because she'd been absolutely adamant that their daughter wouldn't be aborted and they'd been reason to do so back then. Her life was in significant danger and she'd still put her foot down._

 _'She...she was raped Dad' Oliver blurts then._

 _Lucas blinks. His ears are suddenly ringing. His mouth dry._

 _'...What?' He thinks he's misheard._

 _'I...Aunt Brooke was trying to persuade her to tell you and she, she broke down'_

 _'...what?' He has to have misheard._

 _'I couldn't not tell you because she's not ok and...Dad?' He watches in concern as Lucas grapples for the wall to steady himself._

 _'I...I...you misheard Ollie'_

 _'No-'_

 _'You misheard!' He barks._

 _Oliver watches in distress because he's never seen the expression on his father's face. 'I didn't mishear' He whispers._

 _'Your Mother would tell me something like that! She would!' He stares at Oliver desperately. Silently begs him to agree. But the boy offers no words. Has no words to offer and his father remembers that this is his child, that his son can't console him. His hands bawl into fists. He closes his eyes tight. He doesn't need Oliver to answer. He knows the truth. Knows because he knows his wife. Knows she's been haunted in recent months. Has shied from his touch. Hasn't been his wife at all and everything is suddenly crystal clear. But he doesn't want this truth. Doesn't want it one little bit because she's at the centre of his universe. She's everything. Everything. And her being harmed..._

 _He's quick to loose it._

 _Oliver stumbles back as the dining room table is upturned. Cringes as glasses smash to the floor. Shudders as chairs are wildly thrown into the cabinet._

 _And he doesn't know what to do. Because his father isn't the man he's acquainted with in that moment. He's not the calm gentle voice of reason. Not the wise, playful yet sensitive parent that has bought him up. He's raging and violent and above all broken._

•••

Brooke loiters, watches sympathetically as her god son shadows his mother. She's trying to catch his eye, trying to signal to him to quit it and just give his fuming mother some space before he tries to have this conversation. It's been many moons since she's been on the receiving end of Peyton's silent treatment but she's had more experience than the eighteen year old before her. Fears he's making this worse and she wants to take over.

'Mum' Peyton doesn't answer and marches around the kitchen, ignoring his presence as she unloads the dishwasher. 'Mum?' Oliver tries to take over the task then. 'I can do this. You should be sitting down'

She laughs then. It's not in amusement. Anything but. She doesn't appreciate being told what to do at the best of times, least of all by her own child. Her own child that doesn't listen to a thing she says. Her own child that she'd found snooping around Dan Scott's house along with her best friend just an hour ago. Despite her specifically telling him he wasn't welcome on their trip. Despite making him swear he'd never, ever set foot in his grandfather's house ever again 'Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing Oliver'

'You're mad at me. I'm sorry' She walks away then. Doesn't want to argue. 'I know you said I couldn't' He trails after her. 'But I had to' He rambles. She carries on walking. 'Mum?'

The blonde turns on the radio then and cranks the volume up. Brooke can't not interfere then. Flips the switch off. 'P for heavens sake just stop' The brunette implores. 'We found something, well Ollie found something. I didn't know how to use that fucking system'

'There was footage missing Mum. From, from that day...' She feels like she's going to be sick. 'And, and we, we found this USB, It might be nothing. It's probably nothing. But we found it in Nate's room' He babbles, his hands fumbling in his pocket. 'Here' She looks down at the USB stick he's just placed in her palm.

'...what's on here?'

He knows what she's really asking. 'We didn't have time to look. It might be nothing but it was hidden in the back of a framed photo of us all at your wedding Mum. Whatever it is can't be good. Why would he have gone to the effort to hide it?'

She swallows thickly, her eyes trail to her best friend. 'The police went and looked through his belongings- they'd have found anything incriminating if there was anything-'

'If anyone has connections to interfere with a case it's Dan Scott P. I wouldn't be surprised if that investigation wasn't exactly thorough'

'Nate would've deleted it if...why would he keep it?'

'That's like asking why he raped you honey' Brooke softly murmurs.

'If, if footage existed Dan would've got rid of it. He would'

Brooke's shoulders shrug. 'Not if he doesn't know about it' Peyton's fingers curl around the stick in her hands. 'I'm sure he went looking for it. I'm sure he interrogated Nathan about the missing day of film. Maybe he was convinced Nathan deleted it. Maybe it is gone. We don't know until we have a look to see what's on there'

'I'll go get the laptop-'

'No' Peyton cuts off her son.

'But-'

'No buts, you're not looking at what's on here Ollie. No buts' Her fierce glower is back. 'I want you to start bloody listening to me. Do you know how horrible if feels? Feeling like I can't trust you'

'You can Mum. I'm sorry, I just want to help...'

'I know' Her face softens. 'I love you. I can't, can't have anything happening to you don't you get that?'

'I'm sorry. I know. I love you too'

'So you'll start listening?' He nods defeatedly. 'Thank you' She hugs him then, erases every scowl she's given him in the last hour.

•••

 _'Hey' She calls as she walks in. 'I didn't mean to be gone so long. You know what Brooke is like when she starts nattering. I bought cookies if you're hungr...' She trails off. Slowly sets down a paper bag on the counter top and takes in the scene before her. Shattered glass coats the floor. The table up turned. Shards of mirror. Broken chairs. 'Jesus. What happened?' She's panicked in all of a heartbeat. Has there been an intruder? Is one of them hurt?_

 _Lucas stares at her. Says nothing. Her eyes avert to her son because her husband is giving her nothing. 'Does, doesn't Sawyer's dance class finish in a minute?' Oliver mumbles._

 _Her eyes dart to the clock on the far wall that is still in tact. 'Shit-'_

 _'Don't worry I'll pick her up Mum' He nods. Peyton's brow furrows then because her son has never offered to play taxi for his little sister before._

 _'Hey' She grabs hold of his arm as he makes to exit._

 _'It's fine Mum. Really. I'll, I'll get her. She's been bugging me to take her down the River Court all week. You should stay with Dad' His voice is hoarse and his eyes struggle to meet her intense stare. He glances back at his frozen father before scurrying away._

 _'Did you two have a fight?' Peyton accuses concernedly._

 _'No...'_

 _'Well do you wanna explain why my kitchen looks like we've been burgled and our son is so desperate to escape that he's choosing to go pick his sister up from dance class?!' She growls._

 _He swallows. His mouth is like sandpaper._

 _'Lucas!' She bleats and is suddenly right before him. Within reach. 'Did someone break in?! Are you hurt?' He swallows. Flexes his hands against his thighs. He wants to grab her. Pull her down onto his lap. Hug her tight and never let her go ever again. 'You're hurt' She's noted his grazed knuckles. 'Will you bloody say something!'_

 _'...Ollie went down to Brooke's store earlier' His voice is hoarse but she hears. Stills. 'She said he could help out with some delivery stuff. Remember?' Her whole world stops in that moment. 'He heard you talking to Brooke...'_

 _She blinks. Abruptly turns around. Can't get far enough away from him. Returns to her abandoned shopping, the disarray that is their kitchen suddenly the least of her concerns. Fear coils round her limbs because her son can't have heard. Can't. And her husband can't know. Can't. 'Things are getting serious with Brooke and Julian. He said he wants to move here. She's so excited' She bleats as though the last ten minutes haven't transpired. As though she's just marched into the kitchen and everything is normal. 'I'm so happy for her and-'_

 _'Peyton' She jumps because he's beside her. His hands stop hers from going back into the paper bag._

 _Her green eyes take in his red knuckles under closer inspection. A trail of blood running down the back of his right hand. Knows that he's behind the glass showering the floor._

 _'You've hurt yourself' She whispers. Slowly looks up into his face. She says nothing more. She's at a loss as to what to say._

 _He swallows thickly because she's trembling. 'I couldn't help it...I lost it'_

 _She nods curtly. 'It's ok. I...I'll clear it up in a minute-'_

 _'Peyton' His voice wobbles. 'Tell me it isn't true' Her nostrils flare because she can't bear the look on his face. 'You...you' He grits his teeth together for a moment. 'You weren't... raped right?...Tell me he heard wrong. Tell me it's not true' He begs. He already knows the truth though._

 _Her heart palpitates at an unhealthy rate because she's invested her every moment since that night, invested every damn minute in preventing this. And it's worse than her worst nightmare because it's not just Lucas knowing, it's Oliver knowing too and that distresses her just as much. '...I...I can't do...that' She summons every ounce of strength she has. Brooke's words are fresh in her mind and give her the little nudge she needs. She has to be honest now._

 _He closes his eyes. Gulps. Pulls her into his chest. Hard._

 _'I-I'm so sorry Luke'_

 _A sob passes his lips at her apology. He shakes his head because it's all he can manage right now. His hold is like a vice. She can't breathe but she doesn't try to break free. His head drops into her neck._

 _She rubs his back. Tries to soothe him without words because her own unwelcome tears can't be kept at bay and she doesn't want to completely loose it. Not in front of him. She wants to be ok for him. Doesn't want to make this any worse for him than it already is._

 _He abruptly stands back to his full height. Cups her face. 'Wh-when?'_

 _'...three...three months ago'_

 _'...Why didn't you tell me?' He chokes out. 'Didn't you think I'd believe you?'_

 _'...I...I was in shock at f-first and then I...I didn't want to h-hurt you'_

 _'I've known something is wrong!' His hands suddenly move into his hair, claw manically at his head._

 _'I know...I'm sorry'_

 _'Please don't say sorry' His mind is racing._

 _'I...didn't want you th-thinking of me like th-that...' Her bottom lip trembles. He feels dizzy. 'I didn't want to ruin what, what we have'_

 _'Peyton! I love you! Nothing, nothing could stop me loving you. You didn't do this... This was done to you' His fingers find her flushed cheeks once more. 'You hear me?'_

 _'...yes' She whispers. 'I didn't mean for you to find out like this'_

 _'Sweetheart you didn't mean for me to find out at all' He exhales shakily._

 _'No...but I, I realised I was going to have to tell you'_

 _He grits his teeth together. '...Where were you?' He's trying to calculate when this horrific act took place._

 _'It doesn't matter'_

 _'It matters-'_

 _'Please I, I don't want to talk about the details'_

 _'I have to know. You know I have to know. I'm just, I'm fucking imagining' His eyes have never appeared so dark. She thinks they look almost black as desperation seeps into his every feature. 'I'm only imagining. Nothing can be worse than what I'm imagining'_

 _She stays silent. Words are stuck in the back of her throat. Words she doesn't want to say out loud to anyone, least of all him. And her silence has his mind racing._

 _'...The, the b-baby?' He stutters suddenly. She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth. Inhales sharply. 'It, it's not mine is it? It's why you wanted-'_

 _'I...I don't know...it...' She watches his nostrils flare. 'It could be ours' She whispers. 'It could' He nods curtly. 'I...I didn't, I didn't know what t-to do. I'm so s-sorry' She sobs and he pulls her to him. 'I'm so stupid I should've got the-the morning after p-pill but I just thought I, I was on the pill so it wouldn't, I didn't think. Don't h-hate me'-_

 _'Shh it's ok. You're not stupid. It's ok. I promise. It doesn't matter'_

 _'It does matter! I'm carrying a baby that might not be yours Luke!'_

 _He knows now that she's been tormenting herself over that fact for weeks and weeks. Her indecision and lies about the pregnancy all make sense. He's been pleading with her for some semblance of an explanation and he's finally got it. He doesn't want it though._

 _'It doesn't matter. It's a part of you regardless. I'll love it regardless'_

 _'You can't promise that-'_

 _'Yes I can. Keith loved me like his own Peyt. Your parents loved you-'_

 _'We weren't the result of something like this! I can't ask you to-'_

 _'You're not asking me to anything. I'm your husband and I love you' H_ _e takes a shaky breath. 'This isn't this baby's fault is it?'_

 _'...No' She whispers._

 _He can't linger on the baby. Cannot linger on what she's just revealed because he can't bear it. Despite what he's saying. Despite what logic is telling him. He can't bear it in that moment. A baby that was only meant to bring them closer, bring them joy is instead making a nausea unfurl in his stomach that he's never experienced before. It's what's been done to his beloved wife._

 _'Where were you?' He repeats his earlier question._

 _'It doesn't matter' She repeats her answer._

 _'It matters! What, what about the police? Did you report it? Did Doctors check you over?' She says nothing. He grips her shoulders. Shakes her. 'Peyton?!'_

 _'No' She whispers._

 _'Why not?! God why wouldn't you report it?! You know how important it is for them to get DNA so they can find someone guilty! What if this sick bastard is out there doing the same thing to someone else?!' He can't contain his emotions. His mouth is running away without him. He's feeling too many things at once. Devastation. Anger. Frustration._

 _'Don't judge me! This happened to me not you!' She shrilly answers._

 _His anger ebbs away in all of an instant. Compassion takes hold. 'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry baby' He rubs her arms. 'I'm sorry. I just, I, I'm sorry'_

 _'...I wasn't thinking' She whispers. 'I, the first forty eight hours I was, I was in shock or something. I, I just did everything without thinking. I, and then I, I tried to tell you but I, I couldn't. I couldn't do it. I couldn't! You love that we've only ever been together. You, you always go on about it, that I'm just yours! That you're the only p-person to h-have h-had me b-but I'm n-not that anym-more!'_

 _'Yes you are. You are. You'll always be just mine. This doesn't change that. It changes nothing. Nothing asides from the fact that you're the fucking strongest, bravest person sweetheart' He wipes away the tears on her cheeks. 'You'll always be my girl. Always' He kisses her nose before resting his forehead gently against hers. 'Where did it happen?'_

 _'At, at Trek' The lie comes easily._

 _'Trek. When?' He's trying to think of an instance when she would've been by herself. 'The night you went out with Hales and Brooke?'_

 _She panics. 'Yes'_

 _'Well where were they?'_

 _'I left earlier...'_

 _'There's camera's everywhere we can-'_

 _'No it, it was...in the parking lot and it, it was pitch black' She fabricates. 'I was stupid. It was, it was late...I couldn't see him. I never saw his face. It all happened so quickly'_

 _His jaw juts out as he sees visions of her being pushed to the ground. 'What, what about what you wearing? Do you still have your clothes?' She swallows. 'We can at least give that to the police now and they might be able to find DNA and then-'_

 _'I, I don't want to go to the police Luke!'_

 _'Why?! Peyton what if he does this again- I know this is hard. God I know but you have a responsibility. You have to do this to protect other women. Imagine Sawyer was older. Imagine if this happened to her-'_

 _'Don't say that! Don't say that!'_

 _'I'll say anything to make you see sense! Baby this could happen to someone else's wife, daughter, mother. But you could help stop it. You deserve justice-'_

 _'Nothing is going to fix this! You can't fix this!'_

 _'I'm not trying to-'_

 _'Yes you are! You're doing what you always do but I, it can't work this time Luke. It's done! I'm broken a-and you, you're just going to have t-to come to terms wi-with that'_

 _'You're not broken'_

 _'Yes. Yes I am. I can't eat! I can't sleep! I'm so tired all the time! I can't go through a police investigation! I can't! I screwed it up. You always hear about how hard it is to prosecute a rapist even with fucking evidence and I've got none! I don't want to sit in a room and have to tell a stranger what he did to me. What he said to me! I can't. I won't. I c-can't. I c-can't! I won't! I won't! Don't make me, please don't make me!'_

 _'Okay. Okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I, we'll do what you want Peyt. Whatever you want!'_

 _'I just want to forget. That's what I want! I want to wake up and this just, just to all be a nightmare! I want you not to know! I want to go back to this morning and-and make sure-'_

 _'And have me thinking my wife wants out of our marriage? Because that's what I've been thinking'_

 _'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry'_ _He shakes his head. 'I love you. Please don't hate me-'_

 _'I could never hate you...I wish you'd told me...'_

 _Her head bobs. '...I thought I could get over it and just go back to being normal' She whispers. '...but I, I can't'_

•••

'You mad at me too?'

'Uhuh. You shoulda told him to bloody leave B. I told him he couldn't come with us. You knew that. You know why! I don't want him wrapped up in this anymore than he is-'

'Yes I know why but it's too late for that really isn't it? He's already wrapped up in this. And I wouldn't have found this without him Peyton! There is footage and if the footage isn't on this bloody stick something dodgy is. I know it'

'...it's like he's this whole other person...I thought I knew him and god I know Dan is shit and we've never got along but he, he just...' She shudders and swallows. '...he doesn't care, it's like he thinks I'm a woman so Nathan was entitled-'

'They're screwed up P. All of them. Don't let that bastard upset you. He's fucked up'

'I know' She whispers. 'It's just all these things I already feel responsible for are heightened, like what I was wearing, what I said-'

'Peyton I'm with you all the time. I've known you since we were kids. You're not a flirt and as for what you wear, half your wardrobe is supplied by me and it's nothing but classy so don't even go there. And even if you were wearing something revealing that doesn't condone-'

'I know, I know' She nods her head vigorously. '...I don't want to look at it'

Brooke fattens her hands against her thighs. 'You don't have to. I will'

'I don't want you to either' Peyton murmurs. Brooke edges closer to her friend, notes how her breathing has become more exaggerated.

'Come sit down honey'

'I'm ok'

'Placate me' Peyton lets her lead her over to a chair then. 'You feeling weird?'

'Just...panicky'

'Breathe. It's ok. This is good. If there's footage on here this'll prove to a court that he raped you-'

'Who's saying it'll change anything?...God what if it's played in court. Luke will see'

'Oh honey. I don't know that they'd do that. Don't think about that-'

'How can I not?! He can't see it!-'

'Shhh. Let's stop with the what if's. We don't even know what's on here. Let's just figure that out first kay? Where's your laptop?'

'In Luke's study'

'You wanna come or just let me?'

'...I'm coming'


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Chapter Thirteen (As always _Italics =_ Flashbacks)**

'P?'

'Mm?' Peyton's head bobs a little too vigorously.

'What're you thinking?' They're in Lucas' study and Brooke watches helplessly as her friend paces the space, her eyes skittering around the space like she's in some stranger's house, not her own home.

'I just...I dunno. I don't want there to be anything on here and yet I do at the same time...I know I'm not making sense'

'Yes, you are. I get it honey...whatever it is we'll deal with it though. Kay?' Peyton clasps her hands together. 'Come sit, you're making me dizzy'

'Sorry' She hesitantly joins Brooke at Lucas' desk. The brunette shifts over in the single chair to make room for her. She stops herself from thinking about how she's sat on her husband's lap here. How she'd proof read chapters of his book. She reaches for the framed picture of herself on her wedding day that's to the left of his laptop. It's his favourite. He took it himself. It's a candid snap. She's laughing and oblivious that her photo is being taken. 'He always says I look like an angel in this photo' She mutters. Blinks. 'Sorry, sappy I know'

'Real sappy' Brooke smiles sadly at her friends sombre expression. 'But completely true. You're beautiful honey' Peyton lays it face down on the desk top then and looks at her best friend with semi amusement. 'Don't give me that look! You are' Peyton rubs her belly then as the growing infant inside kicks her as if in agreement with Brooke's exasperated stare. 'See. She agrees with me. You are'

'Well I don't feel it' Her husband's presence is everywhere in this room, something she'd usually be happy of but not right now, not with what they're doing right now. It's making her feel all the more dirty. She doesn't confide her feelings in her best friend though. Knows she'll be met with an intense glare. Knows a lecture will follow. It's irrational. She knows that. She knows it's not logical but she feels it nonetheless. She doesn't feel like the girl in that photo frame. Doesn't feel worthy of her husband. Doesn't feel anything like herself.

'Peyt-'

'Can we just get on with this?' She cuts off what's sure to be nothing but kind words from her best friend. No amount of kind words can make her feel better right now.

Brooke nods, her stare lingering on her friend's rabbit in headlights expression for a moment. It's jarring. It takes her back to the day when she'd realised that Peyton's attacker was a little closer to home and she's tried her hardest not to rehash that day because going through it the once had been enough. 'Of course'

•••

 _Peyton's eyes are wide as she stands in the doorway. Her feet won't move despite her desire to snatch her daughter away from the man she's interacting with 'Sawyer'_

 _Sawyer's head swivels in her direction 'Mummy' She smiles. 'Look-'_

 _'Go and find Daddy ok?' She's managed to cross the threshold of the room._

 _'But-'_

 _'Now' Peyton snaps. Her tone isn't one to be argued with. The nine year old startles, her eyes warily looking up at her Uncle for a brief moment._

 _'It's alright kiddo, I'll finish showing you later. Here you can look after it' He hands her back the coin putting an end to his magic trick._

 _She nods silently before slowly edging toward the exit._

 _Peyton waits. Ensures the child is safely gone. The silence is unbearable. 'Hey' He eventually hums._

 _Her skin crawls and she wants to run. Wants to hit him. Wants to scream all the words that are constantly stuck in the back of her throat. 'Why're you here?'_

 _'Luke asked-'_

 _'I don't want you here-'_

 _'I told you I wouldn't say anything-'_

 _'Keep away from my children'_

 _'Peyton-'_

 _'I mean it. Don't even look at them' She growls._

 _'You're being ridiculous. I know you're clearly upset about what happened between us-'_

 _'Don't go near them or I swear-'_

 _'You'll what?! You're being insane. You think the shit you've told him is going to solve this?!' She blinks. Of course her husband has confided in his brother despite her pleas for him to keep this matter private. She wonders if he knows about the pregnancy too. 'Why on earth would you tell him that? The best thing you can do is just act normally'_

 _Peyton's eyes bug out. 'Act normally?! You. Raped. Me' She hisses._

 _He stares at her. She can't work out his eerie look. 'You're going to stoop that low? For real? I admit it was a mistake. I know we shouldn't have done it. Do I wish I could take it back? Sure. But don't make out I fucking...' He shakes his head._

 _She inhales sharply._

 _'You wanted it' He continues. 'And I get that you're feeling guilty, that you need a way to explain how fucking psycho you've been acting but-'_

 _'Stop' She cuts off. 'What's wrong with you?'_

 _'You're just scared your precious little marriage could crumble. I've already told you I'm going to keep my mouth shut so just stop! If what you're saying happened happened you'd have gone to the fucking police. You would've told Luke. You're not fucking stupid. But you haven't because that's not what happened is it?' He stalks toward her and her feet hastily begin to put space between them. 'You told him it was a stranger. Are you wanting a repeat performance. Is this what this is?'_

 _'Stay there. Don't come near me' He grabs her arm and she freezes._

 _'Because all you have to do is ask'_

 _Her whole body stiffens. Her heart races. She feels like she's been sucked back to that night. Her body not cooperating. 'Just. Stay. Away. From. Me. From my, my Children' She breathes._

 _'Peyton' Brooke's voice thrums through her and his hand is gone in all of an instant. 'What're you two doing in here? Everyone is waiting to sing Happy Birthday'_

 _'We're coming' Nathan smiles warmly. 'I was just filling Peyton in on my week'_

 _Brooke doesn't say anything because her best friend's appearance doesn't bode well with her._

 _'I'll go let them know we're coming' Nathan announces and Brooke's eyes narrow as he hastily disappears._

 _'...P?'_

 _'I'm c-coming' Her eyes are shut tight._

 _'Honey' Peyton's lashes flutter open abruptly because Brooke's voice just sounded right in front of her. 'You're shaking'_

 _'I just, I need a minute'_

 _Brooke nods slowly. There's an uneasy feeling in the pit of her belly. She doesn't like the way her friend is cowering against the wall. 'What were you two talking about?'_

 _'Nothing'_

 _'It didn't look like nothing._ _I've never seen you look like that' It had been anger and fear wrapped into one._

 _'He's a fucking mess. I don't want Sawyer around that'_

 _Brooke's brow furrows because she's heard her friend fight for the man in question to be given a chance on countless occasions 'What's he done now? You've always defended him'_

 _'Well you get to a point when you can't do that anymore'_

 _Brooke's hardened stare morphs into one of despair, an unpleasant coldness rippling down her spine. She grits her teeth together._ _There's been holes in her friend's story. Things she's not understood, that she daren't question because not for a second does she want the blonde to feel like she's not being believed but now, now she can't be silent. She instinctively k_ _nows in this moment that she's most definitely not been given the whole truth. T_ _he jigsaw pieces are falling into place. It hits her._ _'...god it was him' she eventually whispers._ _She can't help the tears that have gathered in her eyes. She's tried to be the stoic rock she knows her best friend needs since she found out about the attack but she wavers with this realisation._ _'It was him wasn't it?-'_

 _'What're you talking about?' Peyton expels and begins to shake her head._

 _'It wasn't a stranger. It was him-'_

 _'Don't be ridiculous!-'_

 _'Please stop lying to me._ _' Brooke pleads softly. '...Honey it's me. I only want to help you'_

 _'Well stop making insane assumptions!'_

 _'Insane? You two were-'_

 _'Talking. We were just talking'_

 _'No you weren't'_

 _'What're you implying?!'_

 _'That you're lying!' Brooke repeats._

 _'Want to accuse me of having an affair now too?' She irrationally blurts._

 _'That's not what I meant by you lying' Brooke slides closer, arms wrapping around her teary friend. 'You're lying about how it happened...I know you. Please talk to me' She hums._ _'...It was Nathan wasn't it?..._ _Honey?' Her eyes pierce into the unresponsive blonde. '...I know what I just saw. I know you..._ _It was Nathan wasn't it?' Peyton's lack of answer only affirms the brunette's assumption and despite Brooke's suspicions it still hits her like a ton of bricks. She_ _abruptly turns away._

 _'What're you doing?' Peyton side steps around her best friend in a panic._

 _'I...' Brooke's hands disappear into her hair. 'He can't get away with this Peyton!'_

 _'You promised-'_

 _'He's in there!' She hisses. 'You've seen him since that night! He's in this fucking house!-'_

 _'I know I-'_

 _'I'm going to kill him-'_

 _'Luke is just in there, please drop it' Terror is evident as she looks past her best friend to the doorway._

 _'You shouldn't fucking be here right now'_

 _'It's Karen's Birthday'_

 _'And a man that attacked you is under the same roof' Brooke hisses. 'Luke needs to know-'_

 _'No. This will destroy him' She wildly shakes her head. 'He's already a mess! I don't know what he'll do. Remember that time when that guy wouldn't get off me at that bar? He went crazy'_

 _'That was over ten years ago. He's learnt to control his temper'_

 _Peyton nods slowly. 'A little but this...he won't keep his temper over this. He won't' She whispers._

 _'Of course you two are in here gossiping'_ _Peyton jumps at her husband's sing song voice. He's trying his best to be upbeat today. Is wary that his sombre mood hasn't been helping her. But he can't ignore the way she just shuddered. Can't ignore the panic in her eyes. 'Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you' He anxiously exhales._

 _'You didn't' She forces a smile._

 _'Peyt?' He's closer now and isn't oblivious to her glassy eyes and flushed cheeks._

 _'I'm ok'_

 _'She isn't feeling that great. I was about to take her home' Brooke intervenes because she can't do nothing and if she can't do what she so desperately wants to, if she can't out the man that's in the next room then she'll do the next best thing and get her friend as far away as possible._

 _'We can go'_ _Lucas instinctively reaches for her, strokes up and down her arm._

 _'No, no. I told you, I don't want anyone knowing. Your Mum will know something's wrong if you come too. You know she's so witchy. She'll know-'_

 _'She already knows something's wrong'_

 _'Have you told her?'_

 _'No, of course not'_

 _'You've told Nathan'_

 _He frowns because of course his brother couldn't keep his damn mouth shut. He sighs. '...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I just, I needed someone to talk to-'_

 _'It's fine' She cuts off. Wishes she hadn't mentioned it because now she's visualising her husband seeking comfort from the man responsible for all this and that image makes her feel positively sick to her stomach._ _'I just, I need more time before we tell everyone. Please stay here. It's your Mum's birthday'_

 _'I'll look after her' Brooke promises._

 _Lucas frowns. He wants to look after her. He should be the one to take care of her right now._

 _'I'm fine honey' Peyton nods, draws him in for a chaste kiss. 'I just can't b-be here right now. Please don't hate me'_

 _'Of course I don't hate you I just, I want, I can come with you-'_

 _'I know, I know but, but that'll make me feel worse. Knowing I've ruined your Mum's birthday. Please stay. For me'_

•••

Peyton blinks.

Brooke has successfully got the the laptop set up with the USB stick plugged in, the folder has revealed several video files. Each labelled as different rooms. The folder dated as the missing day of video footage.

'It's it' Peyton shakily murmurs.

Brooke averts her eyes to her friend and reaches for her hand.

'It's it isn't it?' It's a question this time.

'I think so honey' Brooke affirms. 'I'm guessing these correspond with the cameras fitted around the house'

'...Yeah' Peyton licks her lips. Nods once. Her mouth is suddenly horribly dry.

'Start with the lounge?'

'...yeah I think we were all in there for a good while'

Peyton's stomach knots as Brooke uses her free hand to drag the cursor over the file labelled "Living Room". Double clicks. The footage fills the screen. Despite being certain of what she was about to see the affirmation that it is indeed _that_ day has a rush of nausea flooding over her. The room is empty.

'You remember what time you arrived?'

'Around 3 probably'

Brooke shifts the timeline at the bottom to match Peyton's suspected timing. Sure enough at 15.10 the room is filled with everyone. She's talking to Karen. Sawyer is standing on the arm of the sofa and is leaping onto Keith's back.

Brooke immediately reaches out and taps the trackpad to pause. 'Honey?'

'It, it's it' She states the obvious. She's back there. She's wearing that dress. Her hair is pulled back to the side. She wants to reach into the image and shake herself. Tell herself to get out now. Run.

'It's a good thing honey'

Peyton frowns. 'I've been trying to, to...he talked about it so much like it was consensual, I, I thought he really believed it. There, there's somehow something b-better about that'

'What?' Brooke's brow furrows.

'At least if he thought I wanted...then he wasn't trying to hurt me, he wasn't...but he, he, why's he got this?!'

Brooke grips her hands almost painfully. 'Honey all you need to understand is this day, nothing that happened on this day was your fault. You hear me?'

Peyton nods. '...if he was trying to hide this he'd just delete it. Why'd he keep it? Did he, did he like watch b-back? It's like some, some s-sick souvenir or s-something'

'I think it's more than apparent that he was a very sick individual. However you look at it' Brooke coos. 'You don't have to watch this P. I can do it'

Peyton swallows. '...I want to. I want to see that it happened how I think it happened'

•••

 _'You're always there for me'_

 _'Of course Nate' Her brow furrows. She thought that was a given. 'You're family. Me and Luke will always be there for you whatever'_

 _'Yeah but it, it's different. Even when I screw up you understand'_

 _'I don't understand your choices' She corrects. 'But you're family. I know Luke looses his temper with you sometimes but you have to see it from his point of view. It's frustrating for him because he just wants you to be ok. To be happy'_

 _'And what do you want?'_

 _'The same. Of course I want the same'_

 _His hand reaches out and rests on her knee then. 'You're so good to me'_

 _Her eyes slowly skitter down to his fingers. An uneasy feeling forms in the pit of her belly. She wonders if she's being paranoid but with the way he's been with her over the last few months she can't help but think that this is just another advance._ _She gently shifts his hand off of her leg._ _'Why don't I go make us a tea-'_

 _'Do you ever think about how different things would've been if Dad hadn't made me take that scholarship?'_

 _'Different?'_

 _'I could have had Luke's life. You could have been my wife'_

 _She makes a conscious effort not to snap at him. Swallows. 'No Nathan. I couldn't have. Luke and me were made for each other'_

 _'Luke is all you've ever known'_

 _'Uhuh and all I want to know. All I've ever wanted'_

 _'You guys argue. I've heard you'_

 _'Uhuh. Not often but sure. All couples argue. We work through it though because we love each other. You'll find someone too you know? Some people just have to wait longer than others'_

 _He snorts 'You live in a bubble'_

 _'Your life can change Nate. It can but you've gotta stay off this stuff for good. You were doing so well until tonight-'_

 _'I pissed everyone off'_

 _'You stole from Karen & Keith, you stole form people that are trying to help you. What did you expect? Them to never find out?' His hand is creeping back toward her and s_ _he quickly gets up, eager to escape his touch, eager to find something to help sober him up. 'I'm going to make us that tea'_

•••

'You look uncomfortable. What did he say?' The footage doesn't have sound and Brooke's eyes sting from trying to read their lips as best she can but it's near impossible because she only has a decent view of Peyton's mouth.

'I just, I didn't like how he was looking at me and he said something like if he hadn't gone away to school I could've been his wife not Luke's. He'd been drinking and I just, I knew I needed to sober him up'

'So you went to the kitchen?'

'Yeah'

Brooke nods silently and drags her finger over the trackpad of the lap top, closing the current camera footage of the living room. Her head is pounding. They've been at this for more than forty minutes now. The initial excitement that had swelled in her chest in knowing that her god son's suspicions had been spot on is long gone. They've sifted through a days worth of footage. Meticulously watched from room to room. Watched the awkward dinner breakout into a fight. Watched her set Sawyer up with a film. Watched her disappear outside with Nathan to smoke briefly. Watched her return and take Sawyer upstairs to bed. Watched every little second with Peyton running a narrative from memory on what words transpired.

Brooke glances at her friend as she opens up the camera footage for the kitchen. 'You ok?' She moves the marker to the time that corresponds with where they'd just left off in the lounge.

'Yes'

'I know I've said this a hundred times at this point but you don't have to look at this' She knows this is it. What their investigation has been leading to.

'Yes I do because I've been driving myself crazy over this. I want to stop replaying it and wondering if I'm remembering it all wrong' She whispers. 'He, he made me feel like I, I led him on and everything Dan was saying to me today I-'

'You don't need to watch this to know that you didn't' Brooke shakes her head. 'I've just watched this whole day with you. You've done nothing to give him that impression. You just removed his hand from your bloody knee. Your body language is screaming no. Is screaming that you're uncomfortable'

'It is?'

'Yes' Brooke nods.

'But is, is that cause you know me? To a stranger would it appear differently-'

'You cannot read this any other way. I promise you P'

Peyton nods. Exhales heavily and then she's taking control of the lap top and playing the recording from the kitchen.

•••

 _'Dan's got so many fucking types of tea. Is he secretly British?-Nate' She looks down. Is startled by his hand on her hip. Thinks he's trying to reach something on the counter. Move her out the way. His other hand brushes her hair off of her shoulder and her stomach turns then. 'What're you doing?' She hastily steps away and tries to get some space between them._

 _'Helping you make tea'_

 _She hears the smile in his voice and takes another step back for good measure 'Don't' She pushes her hand through her hair. 'I think it's best I go now-'_

 _'Peyton-'_

 _'I told you not to fucking touch me again. For god sake Nathan! Luke is trying to sort out your god damn mess and you think it's appropriate to hit on me?!'_

 _'You can quit it now. I get it ok?'_

 _'Excuse me?'_

 _'Luke can't know. I agree. But I won't tell so you don't need to keep up the act'_

 _'The act' She repeats. She's horror stricken. 'Nathan there is no act. I don't know what the hell you've decided is going on in that head of yours but you're wrong. Nothing is going on here. I'm not interested'_

 _His face hardens then. 'Don't play games'_

 _'I'm not playing games!' She exclaims. 'You're drunk. You need to go fucking sober up' She makes a beeline for the exit then but he halts her departure._

 _He ensnares her arm as she passes. 'Does Luke know what a flirt you are?'_

 _'Let. Me. Go' She hisses._

 _'You like playing hard to get don't you?'_

 _She tries to rip free from his hold, her struggle encouraging his other hand to help him keep her before him. 'Let. Me. Go' Her eyes are fierce._

 _'We're alone. He's not going to be back for a while' He pulls her closer and she becomes furious because she's made it more than apparent that she wants to be released. Nothing about her body language or words can imply that she wants his mouth on hers. She thrusts her leg forward and he grunts as her knee thrashes into his thigh. His grip on her lapses and she spins around. Doesn't get far. Panic swells in her chest as he snatches her from behind._

 _'Stop' She growls and propels forward. His hands clamp down on her hard. 'I mean it Nathan. It's not funny' She's waiting for his laugh. Waiting for him to declare he's mucking about. It doesn't come._

 _'I know you want me'_

 _'What about me right now suggests that?!' She claws desperately at his hands. 'I don't want anything to do with you'_

 _'You didn't tell Luke about our kiss'_

 _'Because there wasn't a kiss! You kissed me, I hit you!' She bleats._

 _'You didn't tell him-'_

 _'Because I love him! You're his brother and knowing you'd try that with me- he'd not talk to you again Nate-'_

 _'On Brooke's Birthday you were all over me'_

 _'No I wasn't!'_

 _'You insisted I come-'_

 _'I suggested you come! I didn't insist'_

 _'You liked me touching you'_

 _'No. No I didn't I was drunk and I thought you were Luke-'_

 _'He never needs to know'_

 _Her panic begins to spiral because this is all escalating. 'Stop'_

 _'Shh'_ _She swallows thickly as he jerks her back against him. She can feel his belt buckle digging into her. She forces herself to try and relax, to stop herself from struggling, to be still._ _'I see the way you look at me'_

 _'I look at you like my brother in law' She snaps in disbelief, disdain consuming her as his fingers brush the underside of her chest. 'Get off' She pushes at his groping hands._

 _'You flutter your eyelashes. You get me to dance with you. You try and get me alone with you at any given opportunity-'_

 _'No-'_

 _'You don't have to pretend anymore'_

 _'I'm not pretending! You're reading into things that aren't there Nate. Because you've had a drink! I don't like you like that- '_

 _'You're always there for me. You're always in my corner-'_

 _'Because you're Luke's brother!' She's done being still. Still isn't getting her anywhere. She attempts to break free again but he walks her forward, trapping her between himself and the nearest work surface. Her fingers latch onto the edge of the counter top, she uses all her strength to try and push herself back and escape._

 _'It's more than that. You know it is'_

 _'No Nathan. You need to listen to me!' She gasps because he's stronger and with a hand around her waist he's just lifted her back against the island. Her feet loose purchase on the floor. Her hands splay out in front of her to stop her head from hitting the marble counter top as he bends her over it. 'No. Stop' She continues to struggle, locks eyes on a pot of utensils and tries to desperately reach it and it's contents. He clocks what she's doing, grapples her wrist, pins it down. 'No!' It's a panicked shriek this time._

 _'Shhh Sawyer will hear' His words stun her. She freezes. Is reminded that her nine year old daughter is here and all her words die in that moment._

 _Panic renders her helpless. Panic that the child in question could come in at any minute. Could witness this god awful scene._

 _She cringes as his lips touch the back of her neck._ _A silent tear races down her cheek as his hand goes beneath her dress and she feels a rush of cold air as the fabric is hiked up._

 _She wills her body to move. Wills herself to keep fighting but shock has taken hold. Her words aren't working. Her words have never failed her before. He isn't listening. He's too strong._

 _She gasps when his knees shift her legs further apart, his fingers smoothing over her silk covered backside. She takes an exaggerated breath because she knows their end destination and nobody, not a single person has touched her there asides from Lucas Scott and that thought has her feeling sicker than ever. She squirms, tries to clamp her legs shut. 'Don't do this to Luke' She forces herself to say her husband's name. Wonders if it'll break through the lust that has him deaf to her pleas. 'He'll kill you. You know he'll kill...' She clenches her eyes shut then because his fingers have found the crotch of her panties and she realises. Realises this is happening._

 _His hand disappears after a moment. From both her underwear and back and for a second she thinks her words have made him come to his senses. Thinks it's over but he's not gone. She hears the tell tale sound of a belt being undone. Hears a zipper being pulled down._

 _Her mouth is too dry, the lump in her throat painful. His hand grapples back beneath her dress again and she gasps as he yanks her underwear down this time. And then she can feel him. He's there. There where she doesn't want him. Want anyone but her husband._ _Her mouth has stopped trying to summon words. She's resigned to her fate. But nothing can prepare her. Her fingers flex against the counter top as he pushes into her. A muffled noise passing her trembling lips at the intrusion._

 _She's meant to be making tea. She was making a cup of tea a minute ago. She doesn't understand. This isn't happening. It can'e be. It can't be real. It has to be a nightmare. But she's sure her brain couldn't cruelly summon up this feeling. How could it? She's not felt anything like this before. She tries to focus on the ticking clock on the wall, not his heavy breathing or the rhythmical sound of her legs bumping against the cupboard door. Her blurry gaze follows the lines in the marble. Imagines it's rock. Remembers being on holiday. Searching in rock pools with Ollie when he was just three. She quickly pushes that from her mind. She doesn't want to see her children or Lucas right now. Instead thinks of her mother and father. Wills them to keep her alive. Wills them to make sure he only takes this from her and not her life too because her children need her and at this point she has no clue what he's capable of. No clue whether he'll panic and attempt to silence her indefinitely. She wonders if she's going to wind up being on one of those crime tv programmes. Found dead, buried in a ditch just miles from her home. Wonders if he'll claim there was an intruder. Wonders how long it'll take before the investigators piece together the truth. Wonders if he'll be smart. If he'll cover his tracks or if he'll be carless and arrested within days._

 _He grunts in her ear then. It's over._ _The tight hold on her wrists leaves after a beat._

 _She grimaces as he leaves her body._ _She doesn't move. Stays splayed over the counter top. He's no longer holding her down. No heavy weight behind her and yet she can't seem to move. Is scared to even try._

 _She hears him shuffling. Here's fabric being rearranged. A zipper being pulled up._

 _His hand feathers over her cheek then._

 _She's staring blindly at the painting on the far wall. It had always been the only thing in this god awful house that she'd been slightly drawn to. She hates it now._

 _'Are you ok?'_

 _His question sounds so far away. She doesn't understand. Doesn't respond. How can she possibly be ok? He rubs her back. 'It's ok. I won't tell him'_ _She wants to scream._ _'I'm not going to destroy your marriage. It's our secret. I promise...I'll go so I'm not here when he gets back'_

 _He kisses her cheek. And then he retreats. She listens to his shoes sound against the tiled floor. Doesn't realise she's holding her breath until the front door clicks shut in the distance._

 _She gasps. Gasps like she's just come up from underwater. Her eyes are wide. Bloodshot._

 _The shock that has had her frozen starts to ebb. Starts to turn into panic, panic that he'll return. Panic that Lucas will come in at any given moment and find her like this. That thought has her daring to move. She hisses as she shifts back. Everything hurts. Her lower abdomen feels bruised where the edge of the counter top has been pressing into her._

 _She blinks. Silent tears roll down her cheeks. She leans on the kitchen island. Her back hurts. She feels like she's strained something._

 _'Mummy?'_

 _She bolts up right. Ignores the sharp pain that runs down her spine. Blinks away the soreness between her legs. Shifts around the other side of the work top haphazardly, her foot dragging her underwear away from view. She ignores her protesting arms and legs._

 _'What're you doing?' Sawyer surveys her mother._

 _Peyton inhales sharply wipes her hands under her eyes. 'What're you doing up?'_

 _'I-'_

 _'How long have you been there?'_

 _'Just now'_

 _'Like right this second?' Peyton clarifies. Sawyer's answering look is one of concern. 'Like right this second?' Peyton repeats shrilly._

 _'Yes' The nine year old's voice is small. 'I heard the front door- was it Daddy back?'_

 _Peyton gulps. 'No I...'_

 _'What's wrong?'_

 _'No-nothing'_

 _'You're crying'_

 _'No I..I'm just...' She haphazardly wipes at her tear stained cheeks again. '...being silly'_

 _'Mummy' Sawyer hurries further into the kitchen._

 _'No! Stay, stay there' She halts in her path at her mother's shriek. 'I-I...I broke a glass. I, I don't want you to get any in your feet'_

 _Sawyer frowns. She can't see any proof of her mother's story from where she's stood. 'Shall I call Dad Mum?'_

 _'No. No' Peyton disagrees, her irritation apparent. 'No I, we just need to go home'_

 _'Go home? I, I thought Daddy was gonna come pick us up in a while-'_

 _'No. I- go get your shoes on ok?'_

 _'But we're gonna have to walk if we don't wait-'_

 _'Sawyer! Just do as I say! Shoes and Coat. Now'_

 _Her growl is out of character. Her growl is not one the nine year old is accustomed to. Her bottom lip wobbles and then she's frantically doing as she's told and leaving the kitchen._

 _Peyton takes a shuddering breath. Doesn't have time to linger on her daughter's upset. She quickly squats down, retrieves her underwear and bawls it up in her hand._

 _•••_

Brooke abruptly stops the silent footage because they've seen more than necessary. She can't watch her friend hobble away and out of view.

Peyton sighs, as she looks into Brooke's contorted face. 'I'm sorry' She exhales. 'I shouldn't have let you watch it, I just wanted to know it's how I think it is'

Brooke seizes the blonde in her arms then, tries to blink away the tears that have gathered in her eyes. 'God P, one second is enough to know you're being raped'

'I stop fighting-'

'No Peyton-'

'I just watched it B' She exhales shakily into her friend's ear. 'I stopped fighting. I just laid there-'

'Only when it became apparent you couldn't escape. Only when your body went into survival mode. You fucking fought hard- you struggled and then you survived. That's what I just saw' She clutches her best friends face, presses their foreheads together. '..what did he say to you...after?'

'He asked me if, if I was ok. He told me it was ok, that he wouldn't tell Luke...like we, we'd just, like I'd invited it, like he thought I wanted it'

Brooke grips her face. 'Don't fucking feel sorry for him. Don't fucking make excuses. That' Her hand wavers to the computer. 'That is not ok'

'...I know...I want to make excuses for him though B. Be-because then, then at least I can t-try to understand but he, but I can't understand because why did he keep this?' She wavers her hand at the computer screen, her voice wobbling.

'Don't try and understand. You can't understand because this person, he, he wasn't well...'

'I know'

'This is good' Brooke grimaces at her choice of words. 'Not good, but you know what I mean. This is evidence. This is proof'

Peyton nods. '...but I, is showing this to the police gonna help Luke? It gives him more motive doesn't it?'

'You think a jury of people aren't going to feel compassion for you and Luke after seeing this?'

'You said you didn't think they'd show it in a court' Her voice becomes high pitched. 'Luke can't see this'

'Don't concentrate on that-'

'How can't I? He's all that matters. He's all I can concentrate on' Her hands claw into her hair. 'He won't want me-'

'You need to stop thinking like that because it's just not true! He's always going to want you. Always. It's Lucas. He loves you. You're everything to him Peyton. You know that. This, none of this changes anything about what the two of you have. What has he done to make you think otherwise?' The distressed blonde shakes her head because her husband has done nothing to fuel her beliefs. It's all her. She knows that. 'You concentrate on him, but on us getting him out of prison. That's all. That's all you need to focus on and this is good. We're making headway. We've got testimony's from other people on Nathan's character. This video confirms everything you've told the police is the truth. It shows how bloody violent he could be P. This makes it more plausible that Luke could've been defending himself, that it was an accident. It does. If it's seen as self defence he could be home for Christmas even'

'Home for Christmas' Peyton echos in a trance.

Brooke nods and strokes her cheek 'Home for Christmas'


	15. Chapter fourteen

**Chapter Fourteen (As always _Italics =_ Flashbacks)**

'Are you just not gonna mention the video?' His brow is furrowed as he cuts her off. She's been babbling for the last twenty minutes about Sawyer and Oliver. He's listened. Of course he's interested but he knows his wife and he has more pressing questions.

'What?'

'Don't do that' He pleads sadly.

She licks her lips. She knows his lawyer has updated him on the developments '...if you know about it already what's there to say?' She quietly murmurs.

'...We promised no more lies'

'I've not lied'

'No, but not confiding in me counts too...'

She sighs '...I'm sorry'

'Peyton' Her name is a plea and it garners him her stare. 'Please don't hide from me'

'I'm not'

He waits for the man patrolling the room to pass them again before he reaches for her hand. 'Yes you are. You, you watched it?'

'...yes I...' Her voice is so small that he leans forward to better hear her. He clenches his teeth together. Is silent. Her eyes have shifted back to the table, she stares at their linked hands. Frowns at the grazes on his knuckles. '...how did this happen?' She runs her thumb over the raw skin.

'It's nothing' He eases his hands away from hers then.

His answer has her eyes shifting back to his face. 'What were you just saying about not confiding?'

A wane smile touches his lips. 'I had a dispute with a wall, ok?'

'No. Not ok. You're hurt-'

'It's fine, it's just a bit bruised-'

'You could've broke your bloody hand Lucas'

'I know. It was stupid. I lost it. It's hard to let off steam in here, our time outside is limited'

'...you lost it because of the video?' She wonders. He doesn't answer for a long minute.

'...maybe. The thought of you watching that, living through it again' He shakes his head. 'It's driving me fucking mad that I'm in here, that I can't protect you. You shouldn't have had to watch that'

'I didn't have to. I wanted to. I needed to see that it happened as I remember it did'

His nostrils flare. '...whatever he said to you, it, you can't let him plant doubt in your head baby'

She smiles despite the subject at hand because he knows her too well. 'I know. I, I think I have been doing that...feeling like it was my fault but it...I don't think it was'

'It wasn't'

She swallows thickly. 'What?'

'It wasn't' He repeats, his brow furrowing because he can't work out her expression.

Her stomach knots. Her mind is racing. 'Did Elizabeth let you watch it?'

'No'

'No?'

He understands her accusing stare now. She's worried, worried that he's seen what she has. 'No...'

'You're doing that stupid squinty thing-'

'You love the squinty thing-'

'Not when it's implying you're lying-'

'I'm not lying...' He sighs. 'I did ask her if I could see it' He admits quietly because he knows his confession isn't going to go down well.

'What?'

'She talked me out of it' He hastily adds. 'I've not seen it'

'Why would, why would you want to watch it?' She hisses.

'I don't want to' He frowns then. 'I just, I just keep imagining it-'

'So you want the real thing as a nice little memory for you to treasure' She sarcastically spits.

'Peyton-'

'Or you don't believe me? Which is it-'

'Stop' He cuts her off a little harshly. His eyes skitter around because they're lacking the privacy this conversation deserves. 'You know believing you has never been a question' He looks deep into her eyes. 'Never'

'You think I want you to see me like that?! I already told you what happened' Her panic isn't dispelled.

'No, you haven't actually. You told me how it happened at Trek. That's not how it happened'

'So the setting was different but it, it happened just like I said it did only in Dan's kitchen. Only it was Nathan. Everything else is the same'

'Ok' He's quick to relent. 'Ok' She's trembling and he instinctively reaches for her hands again. 'It's ok'

'I'll die if you watch that-'

'I won't. Don't cry. I'm sorry'

'Swear'

'I swear, I swear' A tear suddenly races down her cheek and she hastily wipes it away and he wants to take her in his arms then. Cup her cheeks, coo that it's going to be ok. He can't though, because this table needs to stay between them and he's surprised he's gotten away with sneakily touching her as much as he has already. 'I'm sorry I, I didn't mean to upset you-'

'I just, I can't, you seeing that' She shakes her head. 'You just can't'

'I won't. Don't even think about it anymore. You don't need to worry. I just promised' She forces a smile that he doesn't like one bit. 'Don't give me a fake smile'

It's quick to diminish. 'I'm sorry I, I'm sat here crying and you're stuck in here and-'

'You can cry in front of me. Lord knows I've cried on you too many times'

'I'm your wife Luke. No amount of times is too many'

'Likewise'

'...please don't hit any more walls because of me'

'It wasn't because of you. I promise though ok?'

'Ok'

•••

 _'Luke' He jumps. Tries his hardest to stop what he's just been caught doing. 'Baby'_

 _'I'm s-sorry' He can't stop. He thinks he should've left their bedroom but he couldn't seem to tear himself away from her. 'I didn't mean t-to wake you'_

 _'It's ok' She wipes the sleep from her eyes and shifts upright, ignoring her aching body that signifies how tense she's been in recent days. She leans over him and blindly finds the light on his bed side table. His face is splotchy. She wastes no time in clambering onto him and embracing him tightly._

 _His hands slide round her, jerk her impossibly closer as he sobs into her neck. 'I'm s-so s-sorry'_

 _'Shh'_

 _'I d-didn't look after you. I let you down'_

 _'You didn't let me down' She disregards. 'You've never let me down. Not once'_

 _'I have. I should've, I should've known!'_

 _'You did know'_

 _'I knew you weren't happy but I, I didn't know why!'_

 _'Because I didn't confide in you Luke'_

 _'You shouldn't need to. I always know what you're thinking-'_

 _'I didn't want you to know, I made it my sole mission to make sure you didn't know. Please stop. I don't want you blaming yourself'_

 _'I can't, I can't bear it. I can't bear the thought of any, anyone hurting you'_

 _'I'm ok. Don't think about it'_

 _'How can I not? I know you don't want to talk about it but I, I'm just sat here imagining you being, being pushed down to the ground and you screaming and...'_

 _She closes her eyes. 'Don't imagine' She comes out of hiding in his shoulder and strokes his cheek._

 _'I can't help it. I need you to tell me how...how it happened...'_

 _She cringes. 'I already told you. Baby come on, you just said you can't bear it. You don't need to know the details. It'll make it worse'_

 _'Were you talking first? Or, or did he just pounce on you?' She sighs, knows he's not going to drop this. 'You said you couldn't, couldn't see him. Was that cause it was dark or, or because he was be-behind you?'_

 _'...both' She surrenders. One lie. One truth._

 _'So he didn't speak to you? He just, just grabbed you out of nowhere?'_

 _'I...it...' She shakes her head. 'We were talking' She doesn't know why she's trying to make this as truthful as possible when she's adamant he's not getting the truth._

 _'You said you couldn't see him though'_

 _'It was dark'_

 _'But you must have got an idea of some of his features if you were talking. Like his height. Was he taller than me?'_

 _'Luke'_

 _'Please try'_

 _'So you can go and give a description to the police? Or so you can try and hunt this guy down on nothing but my word?' She exhales._

 _'If we look through Trek CCTV cameras you might recognise something about someone. He might have been inside-'_

 _'He wasn't-'_

 _'You don't know that'_

 _'I do, I...he came from the road direction' She fabricates. 'You promised you wouldn't do anything-'_

 _'I'm not doing anything without your say so'_

 _'You're not?'_

 _'I promised you didn't I?...tell me'_

 _'He, he was probably slightly taller than you' She knows he's slightly taller. Half an inch to be exact._

 _'And he spoke to you? What did he say?'_

 _'I don't know'_

 _'Yes you do' She does. He's right. She can hear him telling her she's such a flirt. Hear him telling her she wants it._

 _'He, he wanted the time only he didn't did he? I was stupid.' Lie 'By the time I realised what he wanted it was too late. I couldn't escape' Truth. She can feel her cheeks becoming hot under his intense stare._

 _'He chased you?'_

 _'No I didn't get anywhere. He grabbed me' Truth._

 _'It happened in the car?' He swallows._

 _'Over the hood' Lie. She's trying to be truthful about how it happened even if the setting is fabricated. 'He pushed me forward. I couldn't move. He pinned me down. He was too strong' Truth._

 _He swallows thickly. He thinks maybe she's right. The details aren't helping because now he's seeing her bent over her car._

 _'That's...that's how it...I told him to stop but he wouldn't and I...I stopped struggling because it, it was making it worse'_ _Lucas's nostrils flare. '_ _After he, he was gentle. He...he asked me if I was ok. He stroked my cheek'_

 _'What?' Lucas frowns._

 _She starts crying then. She's done being brave. 'I c-couldn't m-move. I c-couldn't sp-speak. I, I...he eventually went'_

 _'...he asked you if you were ok?' He feels sick._ _She thinks she probably should've withheld that detail. He cups her face. Presses his head to hers. Inhales exaggeratedly. '...the other day, when you hit me I-'_

 _'I'm sorry-'_

 _'No, I, I scared you' He knows why she lost it now. 'I did what he did-'_

 _'No. It was stupid. I'm sorry. I just, I'm so sorry I've been so weird. It's not you...'_

 _'You don't need to be sorry'_

 _'You've thought you were loosing me. You're not loosing me'_

 _'I know'_

 _'You still love me right?'_

 _'Don't question that. God don't question that. Of course I love you. You're my girl' His voice wavers. 'You're my life Peyton. My life'_

 _'I know' She does._

 _'Come here' He gently shifts her back onto the bed, tries to soothe her in the same way as she was him just moments ago. He brushes his hand over her forehead. 'It's us. We've always been a team. You don't ever have to hide what you're feeling to protect me'_

 _She looks up at the ceiling and exhales heavily. '_ _...Shall I get an abortion?' She whispers._

 _'...is that what you want?'_

 _'I want you to tell me what to do'_

 _'That's not how we work. We make decisions together'_

 _'...but I don't know what I want. I thought I wanted...but then I keep thinking there's a chance it's ours and...'_

 _'We don't need to make a decision yet. You have to know I'm not worried about this baby's blood. I'm just worried about you'_

 _'You promise you're not just saying that because-'_

 _'I've never lied to you and I'm not about to start'_

 _'...I'm sorry I broke our promise. I-I have lied to you. About so many things_ _'_

 _'I understand why. Just no more ok?'_

 _'...ok' She curls into him. Her stomach knotting because she's still not been completely honest. He still doesn't have the whole truth. She opens and closes his mouth but like always the words get lost because she doesn't know how she can ever tell him that this baby could very well be his niece or nephew._

•••

'...do you think we're doing the right thing?'

'What?' She's been silent for a long minute. He's taken the moment to try and pretend they're at home. That they're sitting around the kitchen table. She seems bigger every time he sees her. He's both saddened that he's missing out on everything and terrified of what's to come when this baby arrives. He loves the way her hand keeps instinctively rubbing over her rounded belly. She keeps shifting in her plastic chair; he knows she's uncomfortable. Wants her to be comfortable.

'...I...it was an accident' He's concentrating on her words now.

'Peyton' His eyes are suddenly wide, trying to convey what his mouth won't. Won't because there's eyes and ears everywhere. 'Stop'

'I just-'

'Think about what you're saying right now'

'I am, I-'

'You're scared. I know...you know the last thing in this world I'd ever want is not to be right there, with you. But-'

'I know' Her bottom lip wobbles. 'I just feel like this is all such a m-mess and it, it m-might ha-have be-been o-ok and you didn't even consult me! You, you made this choice without me Lucas, you-'

'Shh. We can't talk about this'

'Proving I was raped is only going to give the jury more reason to find you guilty. It's motivation'

'They'll be more sympathetic. Stop whatever it is you're thinking ok?' His voice becomes a barely audible hum then. 'He's got his whole life ahead of him' She doesn't need to hear. Reads his lips.

'...I know' There's a lump in the back of her throat. '...I just wish you'd have let me be the one-'

'Sawyer needs you more than me. This baby needs you more than me'

'What about what I need?'

'You don't need me' He shakes his head. 'You need our kids safe and you need me to ensure that'

She sniffles. Doesn't argue because telling him she needs him isn't going to help either of them right now. '...I love you'

'I love you...you look uncomfortable'

'She's laying weird. And every time she moves I need to pee'

'Do you need to pee now? Go'

'No. We don't have long'

'Peyton'

'I can hold it'

He smiles and shakes his head. 'You're being ridiculous'

'Am I? I get to see you for a restricted amount of time. I'm not wasting that peeing'

'I wish I could touch you properly' He blurts. 'I want to see your bump sans clothes. You look so beautiful'

'I do not'

'Yes. You do'

'I forgot what a turn on pregnant women are for you'

'Not pregnant women' He rolls his eyes. 'That makes me sound like I have some weird fetish. You Peyton. Our baby'

She swallows. The niggling feeling that perhaps this isn't their baby is constantly playing on her mind. She wonders if it is his too. Wonders if his need to say Our baby is fuelled by his desire to reassure her or himself that this is ok.

'Do you feel better, knowing there's concrete proof?' He wonders suddenly. Their brief moment of light heartedness is seemingly over.

'No, how can I when my proof will only make you seem all the more guilty?'

•••

 _'What're you doing?' She startles because she'd not heard him follow her down here._

 _'I think we need to talk'_

 _Her anxiety is already heightened. She didn't think it could get worse. But worse it is because she doesn't want him here and she most definitely doesn't want to be alone with him but alone she is. She hastily backs up as he takes the last couple of steps to joining her in the basement. She's on edge. It's Lucas's Birthday and he's rocked up and she's a nervous wreck because she can't scarper today. She can't flee her own house._

 _'Why're you here?' She growls._

 _'My brother invited me. It's his Birthday-'_

 _'Exactly! You need to go now-'_

 _'Because that wouldn't be suspicious at all'_

 _'Make up an excuse. You're not having dinner with us-'_

 _'Why're you making this so difficult?' He huffs and her eyes expand because he's suddenly approaching her and she's scared. She's scared of him. Her feet carry her backward. 'Is it mine?' He whispers._

 _Her heart skips a beat then. '...What?'_

 _'Luke shared the good news with me...he's been worried about you and the baby' Her eyes overflow then. Her fierce front no more. She doesn't answer his question. 'Is that why you fucking told him you were raped?' He scathingly questions. 'Because it's mine-'_

 _'I told him because it's what happened!' She instead announces._

 _He hesitates. Smiles. 'But it's not is it?! Because apparently you didn't see his face. It was in the parking lot at Trek. Like I said before, if I'd hurt you why would you make up such a farfetched story?! Why wouldn't you just say it was me?! Shall I tell you why?! Because you know that's not what happened! You wanted it! If the baby's mine we'll just deal with it. You know I'm not cut out to be Dad, I'll just be a good Uncle-'_

 _'It's not yours. You're not having anything to do with this baby! Nothing'_

 _The stairs creek and they both startle._

 _Peyton's gaze jolts to her husband loitering on the staircase._

 _She hastily wipes at her eyes. Her heart in her mouth. Her hand blindly reaches for the bottle of wine she'd come down here to get before she'd been cornered._

 _'What're you two doing?'_

 _'I was just getting a bottle or red for Keith' Her voice is thick as she anxiously looks up at him. His eyes are narrowed._ _She forces a smile. 'You ok?' She walks toward the stairs to leave but Lucas makes his way further down into the dim basement._

 _'What were you two just talking about?'_

 _'Nothing' Peyton hastily shakes her head, she doesn't want his Birthday ruined._

 _He descends down the last couple of steps, his stare on Nathan._

 _'Nothing' She repeats more assertively. 'Come on, Sawyer's been begging us to do your cake since she woke up-' His arm springs out and stops her from climbing the stairs._ _She realises in all of a heartbeat that it's too late. His Birthday is already ruined. It was ruined long before this day._

 _'You just said if the baby's mine' His voice is deep. His eyes a shade of colour that Peyton has never witnessed as he regards his brother._

 _Nathan shuffles his feet. 'You misheard big brother' He snorts. 'We were-'_

 _'I didn't mishear' His focus abruptly turns to his uneasy wife. 'You just said it's not...his'_

 _'It's nothing man-'_

 _'I'm not talking to you' He barks at Nathan then, his squinting eyes not leaving Peyton. 'Peyton'_

 _Her bottom lip wobbles. She swallows._

 _The silence that embraces them is uncomfortable. Lucas surveys them both. His brain racing._

 _'I'm so sorry' It's barely audible but he hears._

 _She sniffles._

 _Her eyes eventually meet his and it's only then that Lucas speaks again. 'Are you having an affair with my brother?' She feels like she's just been kicked in the stomach. His assumption breaks her heart. She feels like she can't breathe. It's all slipping. She can't stop it. It's her worst fear. That her version of events won't be believed that he'll think this. Her mouth won't move and it only fuels his accusation. 'You're fucking my brother?' His jaw juts out. 'The rape, it was a lie?'_

 _Her head swivels back and forth._

 _Nathan sighs. 'Look man it was one time. One night. It meant nothing. We just got carried away and-'_

 _'That's not what happened!' She shrieks then and grapples for Lucas but he shrugs her off. The bottle of wine crashes to the floor in her urgency to cling onto him. Despite his desire not to touch her his hands instinctively curl around her arms and push her back away from the glass as the dark crimson puddles on the floor, droplets scattering her pale blue dress. Even now, even now as betrayal is ebbing through him he needs to protect her. 'It's not what happened! I didn't lie!' The wine is the last thing on her mind. 'I didn't! I...I just lied a-about where. A-about not knowing wh-who' She realises there's going to be no way of concealing the truth any longer. 'P-please'_

 _Satisfied that she's out of harms way from the shattered glass his fingers retract from her. '...What?' He can't comprehend her frantic words and what she's insinuating because no one he knows would do this. His brother couldn't do this._

 _'Don't fucking do that' Nathan pipes up and wavers his hand angrily. 'You know what happened! Don't make out I'm the bad guy. She's talking shit Luke. She thinks she's gonna lose you so she's made up this ridiculous story'_

 _Lucas watches her. 'It's not a story' He Watches her fingers dig into her arms. Watches her face crumple with disgust. Everything makes sense in an instant. Her gaze apprehensively drifts back to his face, desperation in her eyes. Desperation that needn't be there because she's his wife and he knows her. She's not having an affair. She's not sleeping with his brother. She didn't make up the rape. She just made him think she didn't know the perpetrator. But the perpetrator is stood before them. The perpetrator is his brother and she's scared. She's so evidently scared._

 _He blinks. There's a lump in the back of his throat._

 _'No' He begs it not to be true and she knows. Knows by the way that he's regarding her that he believes her. That he doesn't doubt her. That she needn't have ever been worried because he loves her and knows her so completely._

 _She nods curtly. He blinks._

 _'...Go upstairs' He softly tells her. His voice is nothing like it was just moments ago._

 _'But-'_

 _'I need you to go upstairs' He's a ticking time bomb and she knows it._

 _'Ok, ok, let's go upstairs' She hurriedly closes the gap between them, grabs at his arm but he doesn't move. 'Please it, it's your Birthday Luke. Your kids are upstairs a-and your Mum and Keith'_

 _She can't seem to win his attention. He's staring at his brother._

 _'I'll be up in a minute-'_

 _'Luke-'_

 _'Sweetheart' He abruptly looks into her panicked face. 'I love you. Everything's ok. Now go on upstairs'_

 _His hands cup her face. A sob passes her lips. 'I'm so, s-sorry'_

 _He presses his forehead to hers. Wants to tell her to stop. Doesn't want her apologies. She's got nothing to be sorry for but he can't speak._

 _'You're not for real...you don't believe her!' Nathan's exclaim ends his calm facade. Lucas is done trying to soothe her then. She grimaces as he spins away. It all happens so fast. One minute he's before her the next he's pushing his brother back into the wall._

 _'Lucas!' She shrieks. 'Don't!'_

 _He can't contain himself for a moment more though. 'You raped her!'_

 _'Just, just hear my side'_

 _'Your side?! There's no fucking sides. There's only the truth. I confided in you! I told you how she'd been lately and you, you told me to buy her fucking flowers!'_

 _'It was one time-'_

 _'You held her down-'_

 _'No. That's not how it was'_

 _'No?!'_

 _'No. She wanted it. I hate to break it to you but she wanted it just as much as me!'_

 _'I didn't want-'_

 _'Peyton go upstairs!' Lucas barks because he doesn't want her to hear this._

 _'She's a fucking flirt. You think she's this innocent, perfect sweetheart but she's not Lucas. She's not-' Lucas's fist collides with Nathan's face then._

 _'Luke!' Peyton's hands claw into her hair as she watches his bawled hand reel back to pummel back into his brother's cheek. Her yelped protests aren't having any effect so she soon tries to physically stop the fist fight from getting out of hand. 'Lucas stop! Stop!' His hand is around Nathan's neck now._

 _'You're my brother! How could you!-'_

 _'Luke that's enough!' Despite using all her strength she can't get him to stop. She yanks furiously on his arm until she's leaning back and putting all her body weight on him. He's consumed. His mind is set on one thing only. He shakes her off without thought, unintentionally sending her propelling to the floor._

 _Her meeting with the ground does garner his attention because she just hissed out loudly._

 _His head twists away from his brother, his hand instantly uncurling from his neck because she's landed on the broken glass bottle, the red wine like a blood bath around her._

 _Nathan is gasping loudly for breath as Lucas scrambles to her side. 'Peyton' His glassy eyes are frantically trailing over her, trying to gather whether she's in fact bleeding._

 _'I'm ok, I'm ok' She nods as she twists her leg to reveal a rather large shard of glass sticking into her thigh._

 _'Fuck' He curses. 'Is it anywhere else?'_

 _'I, I don't know, I don't, I don't think so'_

 _'I'm sorry! I'm so sorry'_

 _'You don't know her Luke'_

 _Peyton's fingers knot into his shirt, anticipates him lurching back at his brother. 'Luke' It's a plea for him not to take the bait._

 _'Maybe I've done you a favour-'_

 _'Fucking leave or I swear to god I'll kill you' Lucas suggests. 'It's okay' He's concentrating on her. Focusing on her panicked eyes. Focused on erasing said panic. He needs to focus on her right now because if he doesn't he doesn't know what he's going to do._

 _The commotion has finally drawn their family from the floor above._ _'What on earth is going on down here?!' Karen shrilly makes herself known._

 _Nathan takes note of Lucas' demand then. His head ducked as he abruptly climbs the stairs and barges past the gathered family members. Keith and Karen don't miss his bloodied face and harassed expression but neither go to follow him._

 _'Mummy!' Sawyer has weaved her way between her brother and Nana's legs, her eyes wide because from her point of view her Mother is laying in a sea of blood._

 _'I'm ok honey, I'm ok, it's just wine ok?'_

 _'Ollie take her' Lucas snaps because he needs his little girl away from him right now. He needs both his children away from him and her because he doesn't want her having to be brave right now. He doesn't want her to play Mum. But she's already doing that. She's nodding with a reassuring smile._

 _'Go with Ollie baby. I promise I'm ok'_

 _Karen ushers them back before descending the stairs herself. 'What happened?'_

 _'I tripped' Peyton's hand is on the piece of glass wedged into her thigh._

 _'Don't Peyt' Lucas yanks her fingers away. 'We, let's get you to A & E'_

 _'It's not bad, it's not in far' She uses her other hand and tugs it out. Hisses._

 _'Peyton!' His hands fumble over her crimson stained dress and then he's decisively slipping his arm beneath her legs and swiftly lifting her off the floor before setting her down away from the shattered glass._

 _'I'm ok-'_

 _'Lay back'_

 _'Lucas-'_

 _'Lay back'_

 _She surrenders and then his hands are shifting the wet fabric up her legs._

 _'Do you think she needs stitches Mum?'_

 _Karen edges nearer to inspect the revealed gash. '_ _I think we should clean it up. Did you hit the floor hard? We should go get you and the baby checked out anyway'_

 _'The baby' Lucas's hand finds her stomach._

 _'I didn't hit the floor hard'_

 _'I'll go get some water-'_

 _'No' Peyton yelps and grapples for him. 'Stay'_

 _'I'm just gonna get some water to clean you up-'_

 _'No' She bleats. She doesn't believe him._

 _'I'll get it' Karen hurries off._

 _'Swear, swear on Ollie and Sawyer's life'_ _Peyton is still fiercely holding onto him. 'Promise you're not gonna do anything stupid..._ _Swear...Lucas!'_

 _'...I swear' He reluctantly promises._

 _She nods to herself. '...Ok...ok...' His promise doesn't give her any relief though because she's scared of so many things. The first being; 'Y-you h-hate me._ _Do you hate me?_ _'_

 _His thumbs coast over her cheeks. 'You know that's not possible...why didn't you tell me?' His voice wavers. 'He, he's been in this house!' And then it's a manic growl. She gulps._

 _'...I-I c-couldn't'_

 _'...What's happened?' Keith makes his presence known but his quiet hum is ignored. 'You were fighting with Nathan' It's not a question, merely an observation. 'Lucas?' He persists as his wife haphazardly reappears with supplies. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out that a fist fight had taken place. He can only assume his daughter-in-law's war wound happened in her endeavours to stop the pair but he doesn't understand because twenty minutes ago they'd been upstairs laughing._

 _Lucas strokes Peyton's tear stained face._

 _'Luke' Keith disregards the dismissive look he gets from the man he considers a son._

 _'It's not so bad' Karen dabs at her daughter-in-law's leg._

 _'No, it's fine' Peyton murmurs in agreement. 'Is Sawyer ok?'_

 _'Ollie is distracting her. She's fine. She thought the wine was blood but now she knows it's not she's ok' Karen hums._

 _'It's time for you to tell us what's going on' Keith's voice is a little louder than normal. Startles all three of them._

 _'Keith' Karen widens her eyes at him._

 _'No, I'm not going to go another day avoiding this. There's been something going on for weeks' Keith says what Karen has been fretting about for days now. 'Did you know your Mum is making herself ill over the pair of you-'_

 _'Keith' Karen hisses._

 _'What? It's true! When you told us about the baby today we thought that was it but it's not...is it? We're your parents. You can't keep us in the dark' He's not a man of many words usually but when it matters most he emphasises how seriously he takes his role in their lives. How much he loves them._

 _Peyton's stare skitters between the couple. Swallows. '...I'm sorry'_

 _'Oh darling you don't need to be sorry' Karen shakes her head. 'Take no notice of him, he's just worried, we've both been worried' She murmurs. 'You've, you've both been so...you've not been yourselves and I always want to help you. You know we'd do anything for you'_

 _'I kn-know, I know' She nods. '...there is s-something-'_

 _'You don't have to' Lucas doesn't want her being pressured into anything._

 _'It's ok' Her mouth feels like sandpaper and she swallows exaggeratedly. She needs them all to know, she's too tired to continue with all the secrets. She wants it all out there. '...I, I didn't want to t-tell y-you'_

 _'You can tell us anything honey' Karen coos. 'Anything at all'_

 _'...I know I just thought...I thought I could pretend it didn't happen but Luke knew...he knows me, he knew I was hiding something' She shakily confesses._

 _Her wide eyes find Lucas's. He strokes her face. His stare stays locked with hers. Knows she's silently asking him to say the words_ _'...Peyton was raped' He gruffly says what she seemingly can't._ _Karen's eyes widen. Her mouth gapes._

 _'I..I told Luke the truth last week but I, I didn't...'_

 _'She didn't mention it was' He exhales heavily. 'Nathan' His brother's name suddenly leaves a bad taste in his mouth and he wants to hit something. Adrenaline is pumping through his body and he's struggling to keep up this pretence of calm. She knows. Her fingers are clutching at his._

 _'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry'_

 _'Shh. It's ok' He drops his head to hers._

 _'It's not ok...I've ruined your Birthday'_

 _'You have not ruined anything. God that is the last thing on my bloody mind right now' He scolds her because of course she's concentrating on something so trivial right now._

 _'...have...do the police know?' Karen's found her voice. It's choked._

 _Lucas lifts his head to regard his mother. '...no' Peyton utters._ _Karen swallows. Nods. A tear races down her cheek. 'I'm ok Karen' She sits up completely and hugs her mother-in-law. 'I promise I'm ok'_ _Does what she always does. Tries to make sure everyone around her is ok before herself. That notion hits Lucas hard. He knows she's been doing just that for weeks and weeks. Putting his feelings first. Trying to protect him. Protecting him has been at the forefront of everything she's said and done and god he'd thought the worst of her at times. He'd considered outright unfathomable possibilities. Considered she wanted out of their marriage. Considered she'd met someone new. Considered she didn't love him._

 _'I, I just need a sec' He stumbles to his feet._

 _'Lucas' Peyton abruptly pulls away from Karen. 'Wait-'_

 _'It's ok- I just need some air. I...' He trails off as he hurries for the stairs._

 _'It's alright. I've got him' Keith assures her. 'I've got him'_

•••

'I shouldn't have made you stay with me in the basement. You tried to go and get water and I didn't let you and if I had you, you would've seen. You would've known. You would've seen what Karen didn't. You would've known by looking at him'

'I don't think I would...I was, I was so wrapped up in what I was feeling, in my rage I, I don't think I'd have even noticed the kids...You need to stop rethinking everything. Stop going over the what if's. If _he_ hadn't died the way he did I would have got to the point where I couldn't have stood it any longer. I would have done it myself eventually-'

'Don't say that-'

'I would. I know I promised you I wouldn't do anything stupid but I, I think I would've broken that promise eventually. I don't think I could live knowing he was out there'

'You're not that person Lucas'

'Aren't I? Our son is a reflection of me'

'Not you. Us'

He nods slowly. '...I knew he was struggling. I saw it on his face the day we found out...he was focused on his anger, on revenge and I...I didn't bother to take time out for him. I was so focused on you and me. At that point this guy was anonymous and I-'

'If I'd told you from the get go, it's my fault-'

'Peyton' He closes his eyes. 'None of it is your fault. I should've been there for him'

'We'

'You were. You always are'

 _•••_

 _He hears his son enter but doesn't go through the usual motions. He cannot be the father he's strived to be over the years. He's only human and right now he's wrapped up in his wife. Has been staring at her motionless form the last forty minutes. Has watched her chest steadily rise and fall._

 _'Hey' Oliver is the one to greet him. He's nervous. He's thankful to see his mother unconscious because he doesn't know how to be around her right now._

 _'Hey' Lucas murmurs, his stare not leaving his wife's sleeping form. They're on the sofa, her head is on his lap, a blanket diligently placed over her. His hand is resting protectively on her side._ _'Sawyer ok?'_

 _'Mm. A little overexcited about getting to stay there'_

 _'Mum and Keith didn't interrogate you?'_

 _'Not really. I just told them she's unwell like you said. They hope mum feels better...how is she?'_

 _'She fell asleep a while ago' Lucas mumbles. 'She's...I don't know' He admits and Oliver's already knotted stomach tightens because he's use to his parents putting on a brave face, use to his Dad always behaving as such but right now he's faced with someone he isn't usually faced with. He's faced with Lucas Scott, he's faced with husband of Peyton Scott. He's having that moment, that realisation that his parents are just humans._

 _'...What're we going to do Dad?' His question has Lucas's gaze drifting up._

 _'..what do you mean?'_

 _'We have to do something. Th_ _is guy is out there!'_

 _'Keep your voice down, you'll wake her' Lucas quietly hums._

 _'We have to do something'_

 _'Your mother doesn't want to do anything right now'_

 _'She was raped-'_

 _'_ _I'm well aware Ollie' Lucas cuts in. 'But we have to do this her way. This, this happened to her and, and she gets to make the decisions'_

 _'Her decisions haven't exactly been great. If I hadn't heard her talking to Aunt Brooke today we'd still be non the wiser. He can't get away with this. What if he does it to someone else?! What if he knows where we live?! What if he's watching her?! What if this guy tries to do it to her again-'_

 _'Ollie' He cuts him off._

 _'Why're you so calm?! This isn't ok!'_

 _'I know it's not ok!' His whispered words falter, sounding almost strangled. Peyton stirs. His hand feathers over her head in an effort to keep her asleep. '...whatever you're feeling, I assure you I'm feeling it too. Times ten'_

 _'...You're meant to protect her'_

 _'Yes'_

 _'...sorry...I, it's not your fault Dad I just, I'm...it's Mum'_

 _'I know, come here'_

 _Oliver hesitantly approaches. Sinks to the ground before his parents. He remembers being this height, remembers sitting on his father's leg. Remembers being bounced, remembers his father neighing like a horse. Remembers the firm grip of his father's hands. Feeling safe._

 _'I love you' Lucas's free hand comes to rest on Oliver's cheek._

 _'...I love you too'_

 _'I, I have to be strong for her right now. I have to be what she needs...that's not to say I don't want to go to the police right now...I'll talk her round. I will. You know how stubborn she is. She just needs a bit more time'_

 _Oliver's stare drifts to his mother. He remembers her dainty hands ruffling his hair. Her voice cooing in his ear. 'How could anyone ever hurt her?'_ _Lucas swallows. '...remember when I was little and went through that phase of being sure there were monsters under the bed'_

 _'Mm'_

 _'Mum always use to say that she'd never let anyone or anything hurt me...I believed her. I thought she was invincible...but she's not. She got so pissed the week we moved in here cause she told me I couldn't have the ice cream cause she got it for you and I just lifted her out the way of the freezer...I thought it was funny' His eyes are blank. 'I thought it was funny how easily I could lift her'_

 _'Ollie' Lucas's hand drifts down to Olivers's shoulder, squeezes. He's trying to read his son's expression, trying to figure out what he's thinking._

 _'It's not funny'_

 _'I'm sure she thought it was. And I'm sure she got her own back'_

 _'She threw a glass of water over me'_

 _Lucas smiles at the picture his son is painting. He's sure they both wound up eating said ice cream together with goofy smiles on their faces. 'Of course she did. And then you ate my ice cream together right?'_

 _Oliver's stare shifts back to his father. '...maybe'_

 _'Your Mum is the strongest person I know, she's going to get through this' He swallows the lump in the back of his throat because whilst he believes his first statement he's never seen her so fragile._

 _'...even if she does eventually go to the cops what're they going to do? There's no evidence right? Even if they miraculously find this guy he'll get away with it. How is that right? How is that..._ _' he trails off because his mother is rubbing her eyes and then she's looking at him. Her deceivingly peaceful expression is gone. Her bloodshot eyes and croaky voice can't be hidden now she's awake._

 _'Honey' She smiles._ _He tries to give her one back. 'When did you get back?'_

 _'Not long ago' He eagerly rises back to his feet. Wants to flee._

 _'Where's Sawyer?'_

 _'Ollie took her to Mum and Keith's. I asked them to have her for the night' Lucas murmurs._

 _She's sitting up now. 'It's a school night, didn't they think that was weird?'_

 _'I just said you weren't feeling good'_

 _She doesn't argue. He knows she would if it weren't for their son's presence. 'Are you hungry honey? I'll make you something to eat-'_

 _'I'm ok' Ollie shakes his head._ _She nods. 'I'm gonna' He points upward._

 _'Wait' Peyton halts his escape. 'I...your Dad told me what you, you overheard'_ _His stare averts to the floor. '...I, I'm sorry honey I, I didn't mean for you to...' She doesn't know what she's trying to convey. 'I promise I'm ok' She settles on._

 _He nods. He'd had so many words to say to his father but suddenly they're all gone because this is his beautiful mother and he's devastated by the events of the day. '...I've got some homework to do'_

 _His mumbled words are uncharacteristic but Lucas plays along because he thinks it's best his son tries to get some rest right now. Nods encouragingly for him to leave. Peyton's round eyes follow him, her heart sinking._

 _'...are you hungry?' Lucas rubs her back._

 _'...he wouldn't look at me'_

 _'He's just processing'_ _Her nostrils flare. 'He'll feel better in the morning'_

 _'...I h-hate that he, he heard'_

 _'Come here' He pulls her back into his arms. 'Don't think about the kids right now' Her head comes to rest on his shoulder as she curls into his chest. She's been pulling away from his touch for weeks and he's painfully aware as to why. She's known he's been confused about her coldness. Knows he's been confused by her lack of desire in the bedroom. There's no confusion anymore though and suddenly he's permitted to hold her once more. She's finding his arms to be the safety they've always been._ _'...Baby?'_

 _'Yeah?'_

 _'What were you wearing?'_

 _'What?' She opens her eyes and tilts her head to look up at him. He strokes his hand over her cheek._

 _'Where, where're the clothes you were wearing?'_

 _'I threw them away'_ _He doesn't do a very good job of disguising his disappointment. 'I wasn't thinking, I, I just-'_

 _'It's ok'_

 _'I know it's stupid I just...I don't know'_

 _He shakes his head. He's finding it hard to understand her actions because he knows her so well. Knows how smart she is. Is knocked sideways by the devastating effects that shock and trauma clearly had on her in the days after. 'I wish you'd felt like you could tell me when it happened' He breathes out._

 _'I...just didn't want you to kn-know'_

•••

' I should've talked to him properly. Of course he was angry but there was this rage dancing in his eyes. I didn't talk to him. I should've talked to him. He needed me'

'We both should've talked to him' Peyton swallows the lump in the back of her throat.

'...how is he?'

'...better I think. I, having him home is, I feel better. I still...feel on edge like I, I don't trust he's not going to do something stupid'

'I'll talk to him'

'I told him not to step foot in Dan's house. I told him to stay out of it and I, I know if he hadn't we wouldn't have this video but. I told him-'

'I'll talk to him, he's your kid' A wane smile touches his lips.

'What's that mean?'

'It means I wanted you to stay away from Dan but I knew I couldn't bloody stop you'

'You're not my parent'

'No. I'm not. But he's not seven anymore. We can only hope he decides to take our advice baby' She nods. Her tears are back. 'Hey-'

'I'm sorry. Bloody hormones have taken me to a new level of ridiculousness'

'You're not ridiculous'

'No' She doesn't think she is. 'You're not gonna come home. Are you?' She whispers. It's what's triggered this conversation because she's looking for a glimmer of hope, a way out and with each passing day she's feeling more and more helpless.

He swallows. '...we don't know anything. The video-'

'Is gonna do nothing for you' Her eyes are wide. 'I don't want it to be shown'

'What?'

'If we don't show it maybe there, there's-'

'I don't want there to be anyone that can say this didn't happen to you. If the only thing that comes from this court case is that he's deemed guilty for that then that's fine-'

'It doesn't matter! You know the truth that's all that matters to me. I don't need the world to know. He's gone. If, if he were still here I might feel differently but it doesn't matter now. You not getting out of here does matter...I think, I think we should tell the truth Luke, the whole truth'


End file.
